04-21-2019, 04:34 PM
Time for a update.
Well, glad to say I finally passed my test and I got my second paper sent back. It just needs 3 sections to be revised though and it should be fine. I won't lie it has been hard the past few days and I constantly pushed it back for a bit. Some mornings I would wake up in abject fear about succeeding. Its like I am in total fear of finally completing this and then not having to struggle in life anymore. I wonder if some part of me actually believes I don't deserve to be successful. I wouldn't be surprised if that were true given all the shit I was told when I was younger. Regardless, I pushed through and just like I realized I passed even though the test itself was pretty hard to understand. I even became aware of this feeling where I would answer a question and then all of a sudden I would say "No, that's not right" then select a different answer because of this overwhelming feeling I got to choose the other answer. I think it was because of that that I passed the by a small margin.
I also feel like the resistance is related to something serious being worked on. There was a period of like 2 hours yesterday where I felt myself resisting really badly or I should say trying to resist. I felt like I was some caged animal trying to escape but there was no way for me to escape whatever I was facing (I didn't know consciously what it was that was being dealt with). That had to be the worst time being on this sub yet but I was able to get through it and I've had no thoughts of really stop listening. Sure, I have thought about it when something else I want to run comes out but it hasn't been like the "run away" reactions I've had in the past on other subs. That has actually impressed me since on other subs up to this point I have noticed times when the sub would get too close to an issue I would have this terrified reaction and stop using it.
In other news I did get some new info that actually helps me plan my future more. It shuts off some options but I'm happy about that. I prefer it when circumstance forces me to choose certain options instead of having a whole bunch of options and neither of them are wrong per say. Apparently, if I end up with that one women that I mentioned her mother doesn't want her away from the country for more than 5 years before we get back. With that end mind, "if" I end up with her, that will basically put off medical school unless I become good at speaking Bahasa and attending in Indonesia. I'm not upset about that since it just limits my options and I was starting to question if I really, really wanted to not get out of medical school until my early 40s. Anyway, with that in mind that does make 2 things very apparent to me. First I will have to run UMS sooner or later. That is very apparent to me and I need to make sure I'm financially secure before I go to stay in Indonesia. Secondly, if I want to get another degree I will definitely have to go with the Software development degree. Whether I want to start that in September or maybe wait till later when MLS 6g is out.
What i'm thinking is that I might run UMS for 2-3 years and then when MLS 6g comes out I will start focusing on my degrees. At this point it will probably be a Bachelors in software development and a Masters in IT Management or an MBA. I've thought about it and if I do eventually run BAMM it might be more successful to get to that route if for example I develop some very popular app for Android and Iphone. So having knowledge in software development and Business will be a good set up for when I run BAMM. I just hope running UMS for 2-3 years straight will work out. On that front, I wanted to ask @Shannon despite you losing all the information on your phone concerning your FRM ideas (well, except remembering one of them) were you able to remember any of the other ideas by chance? I only ask because after the experience the last few days I kept on getting this feeling (that I've had before) that something in FRM is just missing. No so much power but something else that could just shut down resistance a bit more. Granted, I know your finding out different ways to help with that and I hope you succeed.
Either way, plan as of now is to run LTU until UMS comes out then gauge if I want to switch then or not given that I have a time frame now that I need to accomplish things. If I go on UMS sooner I will keep using that most likely until my financial goals are reached or , most likely option, MLS 6G comes out. Once that comes out I will get the rest of my degrees and then probably switch to BAMM soon afterwards. I think I will probably create some new app that will hopefully become very successful. That is the plan anyway. I do admit, this is a bit more out of character for me. Being this so concrete with my goals of the future and adapting them as new info comes that requires me to change my options. I think I have LTU to thank for this. I never really had a concrete plan for my future. They've always been very ambiguous and with no clear direction.
Anyway, that is about all for now. I'm going to keep pushing on through all this.
Well, glad to say I finally passed my test and I got my second paper sent back. It just needs 3 sections to be revised though and it should be fine. I won't lie it has been hard the past few days and I constantly pushed it back for a bit. Some mornings I would wake up in abject fear about succeeding. Its like I am in total fear of finally completing this and then not having to struggle in life anymore. I wonder if some part of me actually believes I don't deserve to be successful. I wouldn't be surprised if that were true given all the shit I was told when I was younger. Regardless, I pushed through and just like I realized I passed even though the test itself was pretty hard to understand. I even became aware of this feeling where I would answer a question and then all of a sudden I would say "No, that's not right" then select a different answer because of this overwhelming feeling I got to choose the other answer. I think it was because of that that I passed the by a small margin.
I also feel like the resistance is related to something serious being worked on. There was a period of like 2 hours yesterday where I felt myself resisting really badly or I should say trying to resist. I felt like I was some caged animal trying to escape but there was no way for me to escape whatever I was facing (I didn't know consciously what it was that was being dealt with). That had to be the worst time being on this sub yet but I was able to get through it and I've had no thoughts of really stop listening. Sure, I have thought about it when something else I want to run comes out but it hasn't been like the "run away" reactions I've had in the past on other subs. That has actually impressed me since on other subs up to this point I have noticed times when the sub would get too close to an issue I would have this terrified reaction and stop using it.
In other news I did get some new info that actually helps me plan my future more. It shuts off some options but I'm happy about that. I prefer it when circumstance forces me to choose certain options instead of having a whole bunch of options and neither of them are wrong per say. Apparently, if I end up with that one women that I mentioned her mother doesn't want her away from the country for more than 5 years before we get back. With that end mind, "if" I end up with her, that will basically put off medical school unless I become good at speaking Bahasa and attending in Indonesia. I'm not upset about that since it just limits my options and I was starting to question if I really, really wanted to not get out of medical school until my early 40s. Anyway, with that in mind that does make 2 things very apparent to me. First I will have to run UMS sooner or later. That is very apparent to me and I need to make sure I'm financially secure before I go to stay in Indonesia. Secondly, if I want to get another degree I will definitely have to go with the Software development degree. Whether I want to start that in September or maybe wait till later when MLS 6g is out.
What i'm thinking is that I might run UMS for 2-3 years and then when MLS 6g comes out I will start focusing on my degrees. At this point it will probably be a Bachelors in software development and a Masters in IT Management or an MBA. I've thought about it and if I do eventually run BAMM it might be more successful to get to that route if for example I develop some very popular app for Android and Iphone. So having knowledge in software development and Business will be a good set up for when I run BAMM. I just hope running UMS for 2-3 years straight will work out. On that front, I wanted to ask @Shannon despite you losing all the information on your phone concerning your FRM ideas (well, except remembering one of them) were you able to remember any of the other ideas by chance? I only ask because after the experience the last few days I kept on getting this feeling (that I've had before) that something in FRM is just missing. No so much power but something else that could just shut down resistance a bit more. Granted, I know your finding out different ways to help with that and I hope you succeed.
Either way, plan as of now is to run LTU until UMS comes out then gauge if I want to switch then or not given that I have a time frame now that I need to accomplish things. If I go on UMS sooner I will keep using that most likely until my financial goals are reached or , most likely option, MLS 6G comes out. Once that comes out I will get the rest of my degrees and then probably switch to BAMM soon afterwards. I think I will probably create some new app that will hopefully become very successful. That is the plan anyway. I do admit, this is a bit more out of character for me. Being this so concrete with my goals of the future and adapting them as new info comes that requires me to change my options. I think I have LTU to thank for this. I never really had a concrete plan for my future. They've always been very ambiguous and with no clear direction.
Anyway, that is about all for now. I'm going to keep pushing on through all this.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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