10-15-2018, 05:15 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-15-2018, 05:27 PM by DarthXedonias.)
Quick update:
Had my Lesson plan assignment returned early. Didn't pass and will have to pay to extend my time so I can complete it. That will be later though. I think at this point I need to focus on my degree. I'm not too upset about it. I got it back with suggested corrections so it should be simple to make up when I have the time. For my degree courses, I will be taking 2 of them tonight, then try to take another 2 tomorrow. That should bring me down to 16 courses left to graduate.
Also, I found out one other thing today. I sent in my case to that Veterans legal team and they got back to me. After a preliminary screening they have decided my case has merit and they will take it on. They need to wait for all my previous military material to be sent to them from the relevant institutions and then they will contact me again. If this works out and I win my case I should be getting 1500 to 2000 USD a month along with other benefits. Honestly, I rather just be fully cured instead but if not I might as well take it.
Granted, I do think sooner or later Shannon's subs will be powerful enough to get rid of it completely along with the symptoms. At this point though it feels like they are powerful enough get rid of all but one symptom. In my case though it feels like some part of the subconscious "wants" this mental disorder or think it needs it in order to stay safe or survive. Its like the subs get really, really close to eliminating it except for maybe a symptom which itself goes into regression largely. There does seem to be another thing that remains though, which is the "triggers". The symptoms are largely gone but it feels like maybe a part of the subconscious protects the triggers so that, like on Saturday, it can just cause some event to happen so that I'm back at square one. It might be possible that FRM might work with more time to get rid of the triggers, though in the short time every time I start my loops it just aggravates it even more. Maybe because its being worked on? I don't know at this point.
After thinking about this more, I guess the aim of this scorched earth tactic is the regrowth of fear (or whatever is the motivating factor behind the bad thinking or habit). It might be something more common to more "easily" traumatized individuals I think. Like a part of you realizes that it is losing so it manifests an event to happen that will "re-traumatize" you so that the fear regrows back in full force. Its basically resetting the game back to square 1. I think I might have an idea of why though and it does have to deal with the idea of "safety". Every description of PTSD I have seen usually involves it being a perpetual state of "fight or flight" and your mind being stuck in it because it feels it "needs" to be in that state in order to survive. I wouldn't be surprised if some part of me feels it "needs" this mental disorder in order to stay safe and it would explain why it is fighting tooth and nail not to fully give up the state. Anyway, that's just what I think after a while pondering this further.
Had my Lesson plan assignment returned early. Didn't pass and will have to pay to extend my time so I can complete it. That will be later though. I think at this point I need to focus on my degree. I'm not too upset about it. I got it back with suggested corrections so it should be simple to make up when I have the time. For my degree courses, I will be taking 2 of them tonight, then try to take another 2 tomorrow. That should bring me down to 16 courses left to graduate.
Also, I found out one other thing today. I sent in my case to that Veterans legal team and they got back to me. After a preliminary screening they have decided my case has merit and they will take it on. They need to wait for all my previous military material to be sent to them from the relevant institutions and then they will contact me again. If this works out and I win my case I should be getting 1500 to 2000 USD a month along with other benefits. Honestly, I rather just be fully cured instead but if not I might as well take it.
Granted, I do think sooner or later Shannon's subs will be powerful enough to get rid of it completely along with the symptoms. At this point though it feels like they are powerful enough get rid of all but one symptom. In my case though it feels like some part of the subconscious "wants" this mental disorder or think it needs it in order to stay safe or survive. Its like the subs get really, really close to eliminating it except for maybe a symptom which itself goes into regression largely. There does seem to be another thing that remains though, which is the "triggers". The symptoms are largely gone but it feels like maybe a part of the subconscious protects the triggers so that, like on Saturday, it can just cause some event to happen so that I'm back at square one. It might be possible that FRM might work with more time to get rid of the triggers, though in the short time every time I start my loops it just aggravates it even more. Maybe because its being worked on? I don't know at this point.
After thinking about this more, I guess the aim of this scorched earth tactic is the regrowth of fear (or whatever is the motivating factor behind the bad thinking or habit). It might be something more common to more "easily" traumatized individuals I think. Like a part of you realizes that it is losing so it manifests an event to happen that will "re-traumatize" you so that the fear regrows back in full force. Its basically resetting the game back to square 1. I think I might have an idea of why though and it does have to deal with the idea of "safety". Every description of PTSD I have seen usually involves it being a perpetual state of "fight or flight" and your mind being stuck in it because it feels it "needs" to be in that state in order to survive. I wouldn't be surprised if some part of me feels it "needs" this mental disorder in order to stay safe and it would explain why it is fighting tooth and nail not to fully give up the state. Anyway, that's just what I think after a while pondering this further.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
![[Image: 1604394-bigthumbnail.jpg]](https://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1604/1604394-bigthumbnail.jpg)
