The Upgrade Protocol- AM6 1st run

[Aventus45]

Day 14
Off the top of my head:
-been feeling like absolute death for the past few days because of this cold i have.

+/- last friday i had a club event and i approached an attractive girl but i fealt super beta and the convo was flat. She was still nice but it was boring.

+ Today in the subway this girl apprached me and said excuse me so i mived a bit over. When we entered the train she couldnt stop staring at me and she even sat in a different seat for possibly a better angle on my face or something.. Im not used to signs of attraction and overt ones too. My dad was with me so it would have been awkward too.

[Aventus45]

+After 15 minutes of meditation, I have intense focus, and extremely present.

+I read A chapter on Hustle in #AskGaryVee and it's motivating to read, but I don't know what to hustle on. AM is pushing me to be more independent, and work harder on finding passions. I wanted to start a gaming channel but there is many naysayers who denounced it. Including my Mom and some friends.

Perhaps if Shannon would implement the affiliate system again, with the prerequisite that people must have run the program at least once with a public journal and some form of reputation in the forums.

-There is an intense amount of guilt and fear of my priorities. I dont value one of my classes because it is basically a lost cause of a class. There is guilt of not prioritizing it because of societal pressures of hard and failing a class is shameful to me. I have fear of it because it will mess up my GPA if I dont. At least I think I can appeal the grade.

[Aventus45]

My five year plan would probably revolve around AM6, WM2, and BASE in any order (after this AM run of course)

[wolverine_i_am]

No SM3?

[Aventus45]

No SM3?

Subject to change but I believe I should take the holistic approach and I have the choice in where to take it.

Day 16
+Was challenged in class and that motivated me to get back at her by proving her negative assumption wrong. The reaction was something like this: "Oh nah she is talking s***. F**** her I will do prove her wrong. in the grand scheme of things, I think it would be better I needed to do the paper but I have been complaining for the entire 3 days. Now I need to catch up and finish it. I was hiding from responsibility by watching Gary Vee and acting like a child because I don't want to do a paper. I undertsnad his message but I do need to do the work.

[Aventus45]

Day 17

+Starting to look into Investments and Stocks.
+Planning to start my channel and just record games for no other reason but for my own enjoyment. The fact of me actually starting is progress because I had put it off and eventually forgot it as life got in the way.

[Aventus45]

Day 17

Dreams
+ i agressively pursuing this girl and i was about to close and **** her brains out but i made a bullshit excuse and fucked it up.... I woke up glad that i still have that fire in me but its covered with shame and or fear.

[Aventus45]

Day 23

-I haven't noticed much because I was in my house for the straight 3 days.

+In class, I had to give an impromptu presentation. My voice and underlying confidence had changed dramatically. I stuttered in the beginning for the first 10 or so seconds. Afterward that initial slump, I used pauses to gather my thoughts instead stuttering. My voice is deeper and more powerful and portrayed my ideas as if I owned it.

+I am becoming more honest and with everyone which is awesome because that is one of my core values. I openly admitted I am ill-prepared for the presentation, and I took it for what it is. Am I going to get points knocked off from my grade? Yes, obviously but Am I living a little bit truer to myself and my values? Yes and in the long run it is better than the course i dont care that much about.

[Aventus45]

Stage 2 day 31,

-Been playing the Witcher 3 for the past week or so while working on papers and studying.

+/- Woke up feeling shame for my past mistakes in my love life. I felt like shit when it happened but I feel better now.

+ If I apply myself, the strength and some of the AM qualities come out but it is not automatic.

Recap of stage 2

+Naturalizer is a beast and I don't feel resistance but it is also hard to figure out if I actually changed much at all.

+ Meditation has been more frequent but still kinda sporadic. 1-3 times per week.

- Fear and the lack of capital is stopping me from doing the things I want to do. But the line of doing the things I want to do and escapism is very thin.

The beast of all the stages is coming and I dont feel ready for it.

[Aventus45]

Stage 2 Day 32

+Started working out again. I want to build strength and consistent form so I'm running Candito's linear program strength/control module while improving my cardio. It hast to be the toughest first workout I ever had. Though out the workout, I had the idea of failure is okay as a motivator to keep going. Strange as the thought sounds, It kind of works to dissolve some fear of failure in both working out and in academic life. Another thought kept telling me to put in the work and to keep going. Perhaps I am becoming my own motivator instead of trying to find others to do it for me.

+ the way I walk changed to this almost outrageous swagger. It almost looks like a cartoonish brute.

-I keep feeling the guilt and shame associated with giving up on one of the courses. Logically I know I can and will retake the course with hopefully a better professor but the feeling won't go away. It has been deeply embedded in me that success was in the form of good grades. I have my parents to thank for that.

-Now Stage 3 awaits and I have a feeling it is going to thrash me and rip my mindset out to place a new one. Like an Asian parent, they beat you so you become a better person later.

[Aventus45]

Stage 3 day 2

+Half memorable dreams last night. Usually means the sub is in effect.

+Have two job offers lined up. Both pays about the same but one is more relaxed.

[Aventus45]

To start off, The Naturalizer is an amazing module. I didn't realize how much I grew until it hit me.

+First, saw my Ex-Gf and I didn't react emotionally. I saw her walk by and I didn't feel a flash of emotion. That's progress

+Gave into my compulsion and started recording my games for my channel.

+At night when I went for a walk with two close friends of mine. One of then is like a brother to me and another I thought was super uptight, so I didn't want to talk to her much( Turns out that it is a mental thing). I led the whole interaction by telling them to savor the present moment, and they agreed, so we got to enjoy each other's company.

+They followed, and we had a great time. all of us talked about different topics and eventually it landed to my Ex-GF, which turns out to have been cheating on my for quite a long time, but besides having a bruised ego and finally getting some form of closure( in my sense) I felt fine and even glad because if it weren't for that event, I wouldn't have taken this journey to becoming a better and stronger man.

+ There is a sense of gratitude for having that happen to me because it helped me grow and mature.

+I haven't experienced the new friends manifestation but it sure as h*** made me closer to my existing friends.

[Aventus45]

Lets start out the day with a low simmer of anger that i got cuckold by my Ex and i know who the guy might be. Its damaging to not do something but it also damaging to keep this anger in.

[apollolux]

Find a punching bag and start wailing on it?