The Modern Libertine's diary

[RainbowAbyss]

Thanks cortez that was exactly what I was looking for!
Very inspiring and it helped me to acknowledge and be grateful for changes I hadn't
really accounted for in myself.

[Cortez]

No problem, gents.

So I'm a few days in to stage 5 and already I can tell that it has affected me A LOT. I am way more at peace and forgiving, like the other guys on stage 5 have said, it is definitely smoothing out some rough edges. I am way more flirty already and with how flirty I was before that is dangerous. I am saying whatever the hell I want to and it's usually something really ballsy and ridiculous. Also my sexual energy is getting really strong. This sub is already changing my dreams to dreams about girls hanging all over me. This is shaping up to be an interesting stage. It's kind of hard to believe that it has affected me this fast. Interesting.


Also, I have been working out a lot lately. I got a kettlebell a couple of weeks ago and have been working out intensely with it. Those things are hardcore. If you want to get in really great shape fast then get a kettlebell. There's endless videos on youtube for kettlebell exercises and drills. You will be very sore...

[RainbowAbyss]

Cant wait for stage 5
I'm thinking I might start from stage 3 of the new alpha though.
Cause I wont be doing an alpha again for at least 6 possible 8 months
I have been getting crazy attraction from women lately but have zero interest in talking to them
I'm hoping the later stages will help out with this but as of now kind of could care less.
Turkish get up is my favorite kettlebell exercise, really hard to do but gets the core working in a unit like nothing else.

[Cortez]

I was trying turkish getups with no hands the other day. That's like torture...


Yeah, it was the same for me. I still really couldn't care less, but I'm at least now somewhat motivated to further the interaction. I was so indifferent in the first four stages most of the time that this one girls pretty much pursued me to spend New Years Eve with me.

The interaction was like

Her: So what are you doing on New Years?

Me: Nothing yet, why did you have something in mind?

Her: Giggling* Well, I don't know yet.

Me: Well if you find something let me know. No dive bars, I want something classy that we can dress up for.

Her: Ok. Then she called me later and arranged something.

Very sweet and very pretty girl. I really enjoy spending time with her, but I'm just so unattached from the outcome lately that she definitely had to pursue it to make it happen. Women like working for quality men, though.

[RainbowAbyss]

I like that, tell her to do what u want to do and let her come after u, no pretense,
she gets what she wants, and gets to work for it, which is more of what she wants lol win-win
cool, so its the 5th stage that turns up the motivation
I had thought the fourth stage started bringing out the urge to approach.
Either way its good, I mentioned that I spent the other night with a lovely lady.
And now I really have very little interest in seeing her again. But she is texting and trying to meet up
alot, I like to leave keep my freedom, leave my options open, and not be to mean but I find I really have to regulate myself as my instinct now is be fairly cold hearted. It feels good to have the tables reversed though lol. Anyway I also joined Rion Williams 3 month long program just for some extra motivation and empowerment. He seems to have really pulled his act together 'explanation' wise and his material and grounding are gold, I think it was you who said u saw him in Austin? Anyway looking forward to that and its always good to take it the next level...

[Cortez]

Yeah, I know Rion, we hung out and drank all night one time, lol. He's a very cool guy.

The 4th stage diid actually motivate me to approach, but I was still feeling VERY indifferent. The 5th stage seems to be dialing up my sexual energy a lot and really making me enjoy beng around people more. Within two nights it was affecing my dreams to dreams of girls being all over me and I feel more light hearted than the previous stages.

I know what you mean about enjoying your freedom. Your situation sounds the one I often get in. Usually after I spend the night with a girl I just let them contact me again. I've been reading the way of the superior man again and David Deida explains it very well how a man with a masculine essence enjoys freedom above all else whereas feminine essence women put relationships with others first. Even if I enjoy spending time with a girl, I usually am entirely indifferent to whether or not I'm going to see them again. I just enjoy the moment with them. I usually tell girls that I am only promising them today and that's it and if we never get together again at least I was honest with them. That was an interesting revelation for me. Girls will go along wit most situations, but they just want to know what the deal is.

[RainbowAbyss]

Yeah Deida is the creme da la crop
I went to a weekend workshop of his and it was one of the most mindblowing times of my life

[Cortez]

I'm well in to stage 5 now. For the first few days I felt absolutely fantastic, but after that initial wave of euphoria, I felt a tremendous amount of resistance and was incredibly irritated by everything around me. Granted, I've been under a good amount of stress lately, but that doesn't matter all that much anymore, because lately no matter how much stress I'm under, I take it all in and am easily able to handle all of it. So I chalked this resistance up to stage 5, not thinking that it could be the carpe diem sub that I was listening to MANY hourse in the daytime(I listen to the alpha sub at night). Silly me. More than likely it was a combination of my own personal stress, assimilating the new stage of alpha and assimilating the script of the carpe diem sub. I layed off listening to the carpe diem sub so much for now and I feel much better. I feel as if everything is finally sinking in now from the new stage and from the carpe diem sub. My indifference is through the roof...or it would be but my indifference instead decided to sit down and have a beer instead

Women are acting ridiculous around me lately. I may have said this before, but sometimes I just need a break energetically or however you want to say it, from women and, although I am still cordial and nice to them, I generally avoid pointless interactions. Sometimes I do this for a few days at a time and when I do I am able to focus intensely on other things. The girls don't like this very much; they are cats after all and they seek my attention ravenously. Women are very predictable sometimes, I imagine they feel the same way about most men, because after all, most men act like the women I described above, but I digress. Anyway, after a few days of this, many of the ones I work with walk by me and make eyes with me at every available opportunity and one of them sends me a message on facebook asking why we never say "hi" to each other at work anymore(Never= 2 or so days in this case). This would be another girl who is not allowed to talk to me because her boyfriend fears I will steal her away. She just can't help herself I guess.


It's all ridiculous, folks. I know other people on here are noticing people constantly trying to seek their approval now and it's not just women either, it's men too. Men are constantly trying to get my approval. I watched a movie the other night that spells out this phenomena amongst humans pretty plainly. The movie was called "The Celestine prophecy" and I was a little hesitant to watch it, because it looked boring, but I finally watched it...I was right. It was way boring in the first half and then the second half was kind of like a poor mans "Davinci code", but the message of the movie was great and that was how humans are constantly trying to take energy from one another. The prophecy was about how if you constantly give energy instead of trying to take it then you will always have an abundant amount and when two people do it then the energy just magnifies between them and the more people that live this way, the better the earth will be. I totally agree. Self fulfillment kind of destroys mindless consumerism. What struck me as funny though was the feeling of someone trying to take energy from me is the feeling I get when everyone is trying to get validation from me all the time. It gets a little annoying after a while. Imagine how celebrities must feel.

Btw, once assimilated, Stage 5 feels great. I'm feeling much more compassionate lately.

[Spiral]

wow pretty nice post there Cortez. I got to stop and think and realized what the case is with me. Alot of the men at my work seek my approval in subtle ways and I can see what's going on and usually ignore it these days. Frankly it gets on my nerves.. and this one kid at work (he's cool and all) but he's always trying to gain approval by trying to tell a story (with no punch line) and laughing like crazy or attempting to finish peoples sentences and passing it off like he knows what's being said. he does this with me alot and it really pisses me off but I havn't called him out on it.

However with women there's still a little bit of me trying to subtley gain approval by sometimes trying to get eye contact with them but this isn't so often. most of the time I ignore them. I never say bye anymore haha

[Cortez]

People that finish sentences for you... :@ That's extremely annoying.

[Cortez]

I'm a little over halfway done with stage 5 and I'm having some ridiculous dreams. Last night I dreamt I was having sex with a girl sitting in a chair with a blanket over us while sitting outside...get this...a church, right next to the line of everyone going in for morning sevice. This probably has something to do with my early childhood programming of "sex is wrong". I was raised to be very religious. At a certain age I realized that just doesn't make any sense to me and I moved away from all of that. My brother is the same way. We're quite different from the rest of my family who is very religious and more like my dad was. It's probably just my subconcious showing it's absolute rejection on all levels of the age old religious guilt hovering over sex at all times and that's a great thing because if there was ANY of that left in my mind anywhere, then I want it gone yesterday.

[Benjamin]

haha awesome dream! I love it!



Yes, the church has caused an amazing amount of guilt connected to sex. It's a great way to control people to make their natural desires a 'sin'.

It's good your starting to let it go.

[Cortez]

I let go of most of it a long tim ago, but there must've still been a small amount in there somewhere. It's amazing how those deep rooted beliefs tend to linger...

[mat422]

I let go of most of it a long tim ago, but there must've still been a small amount in there somewhere. It's amazing how those deep rooted beliefs tend to linger...

Yeah, no wonder guys have such trouble changing their behavior at a conscious level. Those deep rooted beliefs are like anchors that weigh you down and if you never address them you still have problems. It's amazing how deep some of those beliefs go and sometimes we aren't even aware of them.