Day 33, V3.2-B
Haven't logged in or posted since last update here. The reason why is below, at the end. Sorry to those who have messaged me over time, wanting an update!
Updates:
-Low amount of procrastination now. I can see it and stop it better and earlier if it pops up. This has been a very welcome development, badly needed for a long time. I hope this continues to improve, procrastination robs people of so much potential in life.
-Still maintaining lots of energy, little to no exhaustion. In fact, now I tend to stay awake for almost excessive amounts of time often, not able to calm down to go to sleep until I'm VERY tired. This is good, but can be annoying at times when you want to sleep, or NEED to sleep due to timing.
-Feeling better, or just more "neutral" about things, and myself. More detached, which results in a latent positive effect for me as I'm not so in my head or agenda-focused, or negative. The ARA programming is making me feel more competent or relaxed too I suspect. Things I felt I wouldn't be able to do, or felt negative about before, I'm tackling now and doing well (linked to the procrastination above, as you tend to avoid doing what you don't want to do, or are fearful of doing or trying due to possible or imagined result etc.). This is especially true with girls, they just don't seem to be nearly as important as they were before starting the program long ago. Still great and all, but I've realised how much I pedestalised them before, how damaging it was to me, and how much validation I sought from them etc., my neediness. Now, they're nice and all, but I'm far more focused on myself and my own goals, instead of obsessing over girls or chasing them, especially when that never worked out for me anyway and left me feeling terrible about myself like a failure. Total waste of time, effort and money, and no return on investment, so I'm glad I'm finally able to no longer put "it" on the pedestal, lol. This mindset has been here since long before V3.2, just posting about it to show it's still there, possibly even enhanced.
-I don't seem to recall dreams very often. I thought I would be able to, I used to on V3.1, even if they made no sense or didn't seem to be relevant to the script at all.
-I haven't logged into social media in almost 3 months now. This is unheard of for me. I'd usually login, checkout the girls I know, view their thirst traps to use the vernacular etc. and fantasise about me being with them there. As a substitute for either porn, or for "having a girl" myself. Now, I don't really care to view that anymore, and have bigger priorities. Myself, and my life goals. Fantastic. Next time I login will be in time, when I do Facebook ads for a company I'm creating, more on that later.
-Now having said that about social media, there are some cracks. One, I do still look on google images at pics of attractive female celebs still. Also, I do still "fap", at the same frequency. Those are annoying that they linger, but hey I've already made progress with the procrastination and internal focus being intensified, so I'm VERY happy with those two developments. Even if the second one already existed before V3.2 and has been there for awhile now, it's still important to me and my emotional health and happiness. For example, recently I sent a message to S, a girl I know and have asked out before in the past. She had a pic on WhatsApp of her on a family vacation, I sent her a message about it saying it looked cool and wished her an awesome vacation and that I haven't gone on one in years so I was jealous in a joking manner. No response. Now, back in the day, say like a year or so ago, I would've gotten really pissy over that and been angry for awhile and felt rejected. Now, I don't really care anymore. I sent it because the message was what it was, no agenda, no ego on the line, no ulterior motives of banging her after it, whatever. Either she didn't see it, forgot, didn't care to open it, I don't care, really. Seems small, but it's a big step for me as before I'd be very angry over such things I viewed as big insults. This internal locus of control, like John Alexader's book describes, is vital. I love it. She wrote me out of nowhere New Year's Eve right at midnight when she still had a boyfriend (but near the end of that relationship) to wish me a happy new years. So, there's no reason to lose my mind over this one no response. And still, it doesn't matter nearly as much to me as before anyway, so good progress.
-When I see girls at functions, events, or even randomly, things are okay, I enjoy interacting with them and all. I seem very detached, no more agenda, so it's weird for me to "judge" interactions like "well she did this, or might have done this, which means that" etc. It all doesn't seem to bother me as much anymore, so I just let go and let things be and just be content with myself. So I'm not evaluating things with such scrutiny, as it doesn't seem to matter to me nearly as much anymore. So I'll bottom line it, no design goal yet. No overt signs from them. But still, pleasant, often flirty or affectionate, quick rapport generation, being more memorable "celeb effect" stuff, being looked up to more, more respect. No taking action or chasing from them, things are good IN the interaction, but that's where it dies. No initiative from them afterward taken. Everything still feels like it has to be driven by us, which makes us the pursuer, which makes them pull back, as usual. I'm glad I no longer have the interest to fall into that trap anymore, so I just enjoy the interaction, then go on my merry way and back to my own priorities.
-Intermittent fasting is harder to keep doing on this version, annoyingly. I needed to work hard to get that VERY stubborn weight off that I put on during V3.1, 34 pounds! I got rid of most of it on V3.1 FINALLY, took forever and a ridiculous amount of restraint. I was so proud of losing 65 pounds before, amazing achievement! On V3.1, I struggled with it and 34 pounds piled back on, before I started near the end of getting progress at last on that. Now, on V3.2, I find it much harder to maintain because I get serious hunger pangs more often and earlier than normal. More energy use I suppose :/. I'll need to be more intense on it, because I'm not ballooning up in weight yet again with this version, no matter what! It's been hard enough to get all that weight off to begin with, and I was so proud of getting down to being so lean looking and feeling good about myself physically for maybe the first time in my life...never mind when 34 pounds piled back on on V3.1. So I'm not willing to let that slide again.
Finally, we get to why I haven't logged into the forum in two weeks! I'm an entrepreneur as most of you know. I'm starting a new company now that's been taking a lot of my time and energy as well as some money of course. After the last exchange on my journal, I started to search for a good, small speaker that I could use for night time listening for ultrasonic to hit my newly prescribed 7 loops. As my speaker that can handle ultrasonic has been loaned to my brother for ARA, I needed to buy another. Naturally, that model has been discontinued, lol. Although I was on the hunt for a refurbished model etc. as I knew it was very small but could also play ultrasonic perfectly, it's an amazing little speaker. But, much worse, a couple days later, I received a nuclear BOMB. I suddenly lost a ton of possible funding from my business partner, he had a very serious issue occur suddenly and had to pull out. So, I was left in an awful condition out of nowhere. I had/have a massive funding shortfall, needing to cover off all of his responsibilities of money and beyond suddenly, to not allow the whole project to be in jeopardy. This was completely unexpected, but these things can happen, so you have to roll with it and push through, I'm used to thinking on my feet in business. I had to put the search for a new speaker on hold to focus on this, and I was worried about increasing the loops and causing any exhaustion as I knew I'd need energy to oversee this crisis. So since then as a result of this, I have remained at 1 loop of B, but have gained solid internal effects I've listed above. I'm okay with the anti-procrastination effect and internal locus of control, so I'm content to stick at 1 loop of B to not risk losing the anti-procrastination effect I've gained and love, and NEED right now. And to prevent the possibility of exhaustion from higher loops like I've been sidelined by in the past or other undesirable side effects, especially given my massive responsibilities currently. I haven't hit design goal, but have had procrastination largely go away, and the internal locus of control has been strong, both very solid effects I'm enjoying. Other effects I listed above, so overall I feel maybe some tangible internal progress has been made, enough to satisfy me for now while I deal with this pressing crisis, which is my main priority in my life rather than design goal anyway. For the next month or two, things for me will be trying, while getting this company stable and on it's own two feet. So I need to keep my head focused on that.
That's about it for now, friends. Have a great day!
Haven't logged in or posted since last update here. The reason why is below, at the end. Sorry to those who have messaged me over time, wanting an update!
Updates:
-Low amount of procrastination now. I can see it and stop it better and earlier if it pops up. This has been a very welcome development, badly needed for a long time. I hope this continues to improve, procrastination robs people of so much potential in life.
-Still maintaining lots of energy, little to no exhaustion. In fact, now I tend to stay awake for almost excessive amounts of time often, not able to calm down to go to sleep until I'm VERY tired. This is good, but can be annoying at times when you want to sleep, or NEED to sleep due to timing.
-Feeling better, or just more "neutral" about things, and myself. More detached, which results in a latent positive effect for me as I'm not so in my head or agenda-focused, or negative. The ARA programming is making me feel more competent or relaxed too I suspect. Things I felt I wouldn't be able to do, or felt negative about before, I'm tackling now and doing well (linked to the procrastination above, as you tend to avoid doing what you don't want to do, or are fearful of doing or trying due to possible or imagined result etc.). This is especially true with girls, they just don't seem to be nearly as important as they were before starting the program long ago. Still great and all, but I've realised how much I pedestalised them before, how damaging it was to me, and how much validation I sought from them etc., my neediness. Now, they're nice and all, but I'm far more focused on myself and my own goals, instead of obsessing over girls or chasing them, especially when that never worked out for me anyway and left me feeling terrible about myself like a failure. Total waste of time, effort and money, and no return on investment, so I'm glad I'm finally able to no longer put "it" on the pedestal, lol. This mindset has been here since long before V3.2, just posting about it to show it's still there, possibly even enhanced.
-I don't seem to recall dreams very often. I thought I would be able to, I used to on V3.1, even if they made no sense or didn't seem to be relevant to the script at all.
-I haven't logged into social media in almost 3 months now. This is unheard of for me. I'd usually login, checkout the girls I know, view their thirst traps to use the vernacular etc. and fantasise about me being with them there. As a substitute for either porn, or for "having a girl" myself. Now, I don't really care to view that anymore, and have bigger priorities. Myself, and my life goals. Fantastic. Next time I login will be in time, when I do Facebook ads for a company I'm creating, more on that later.
-Now having said that about social media, there are some cracks. One, I do still look on google images at pics of attractive female celebs still. Also, I do still "fap", at the same frequency. Those are annoying that they linger, but hey I've already made progress with the procrastination and internal focus being intensified, so I'm VERY happy with those two developments. Even if the second one already existed before V3.2 and has been there for awhile now, it's still important to me and my emotional health and happiness. For example, recently I sent a message to S, a girl I know and have asked out before in the past. She had a pic on WhatsApp of her on a family vacation, I sent her a message about it saying it looked cool and wished her an awesome vacation and that I haven't gone on one in years so I was jealous in a joking manner. No response. Now, back in the day, say like a year or so ago, I would've gotten really pissy over that and been angry for awhile and felt rejected. Now, I don't really care anymore. I sent it because the message was what it was, no agenda, no ego on the line, no ulterior motives of banging her after it, whatever. Either she didn't see it, forgot, didn't care to open it, I don't care, really. Seems small, but it's a big step for me as before I'd be very angry over such things I viewed as big insults. This internal locus of control, like John Alexader's book describes, is vital. I love it. She wrote me out of nowhere New Year's Eve right at midnight when she still had a boyfriend (but near the end of that relationship) to wish me a happy new years. So, there's no reason to lose my mind over this one no response. And still, it doesn't matter nearly as much to me as before anyway, so good progress.
-When I see girls at functions, events, or even randomly, things are okay, I enjoy interacting with them and all. I seem very detached, no more agenda, so it's weird for me to "judge" interactions like "well she did this, or might have done this, which means that" etc. It all doesn't seem to bother me as much anymore, so I just let go and let things be and just be content with myself. So I'm not evaluating things with such scrutiny, as it doesn't seem to matter to me nearly as much anymore. So I'll bottom line it, no design goal yet. No overt signs from them. But still, pleasant, often flirty or affectionate, quick rapport generation, being more memorable "celeb effect" stuff, being looked up to more, more respect. No taking action or chasing from them, things are good IN the interaction, but that's where it dies. No initiative from them afterward taken. Everything still feels like it has to be driven by us, which makes us the pursuer, which makes them pull back, as usual. I'm glad I no longer have the interest to fall into that trap anymore, so I just enjoy the interaction, then go on my merry way and back to my own priorities.
-Intermittent fasting is harder to keep doing on this version, annoyingly. I needed to work hard to get that VERY stubborn weight off that I put on during V3.1, 34 pounds! I got rid of most of it on V3.1 FINALLY, took forever and a ridiculous amount of restraint. I was so proud of losing 65 pounds before, amazing achievement! On V3.1, I struggled with it and 34 pounds piled back on, before I started near the end of getting progress at last on that. Now, on V3.2, I find it much harder to maintain because I get serious hunger pangs more often and earlier than normal. More energy use I suppose :/. I'll need to be more intense on it, because I'm not ballooning up in weight yet again with this version, no matter what! It's been hard enough to get all that weight off to begin with, and I was so proud of getting down to being so lean looking and feeling good about myself physically for maybe the first time in my life...never mind when 34 pounds piled back on on V3.1. So I'm not willing to let that slide again.
Finally, we get to why I haven't logged into the forum in two weeks! I'm an entrepreneur as most of you know. I'm starting a new company now that's been taking a lot of my time and energy as well as some money of course. After the last exchange on my journal, I started to search for a good, small speaker that I could use for night time listening for ultrasonic to hit my newly prescribed 7 loops. As my speaker that can handle ultrasonic has been loaned to my brother for ARA, I needed to buy another. Naturally, that model has been discontinued, lol. Although I was on the hunt for a refurbished model etc. as I knew it was very small but could also play ultrasonic perfectly, it's an amazing little speaker. But, much worse, a couple days later, I received a nuclear BOMB. I suddenly lost a ton of possible funding from my business partner, he had a very serious issue occur suddenly and had to pull out. So, I was left in an awful condition out of nowhere. I had/have a massive funding shortfall, needing to cover off all of his responsibilities of money and beyond suddenly, to not allow the whole project to be in jeopardy. This was completely unexpected, but these things can happen, so you have to roll with it and push through, I'm used to thinking on my feet in business. I had to put the search for a new speaker on hold to focus on this, and I was worried about increasing the loops and causing any exhaustion as I knew I'd need energy to oversee this crisis. So since then as a result of this, I have remained at 1 loop of B, but have gained solid internal effects I've listed above. I'm okay with the anti-procrastination effect and internal locus of control, so I'm content to stick at 1 loop of B to not risk losing the anti-procrastination effect I've gained and love, and NEED right now. And to prevent the possibility of exhaustion from higher loops like I've been sidelined by in the past or other undesirable side effects, especially given my massive responsibilities currently. I haven't hit design goal, but have had procrastination largely go away, and the internal locus of control has been strong, both very solid effects I'm enjoying. Other effects I listed above, so overall I feel maybe some tangible internal progress has been made, enough to satisfy me for now while I deal with this pressing crisis, which is my main priority in my life rather than design goal anyway. For the next month or two, things for me will be trying, while getting this company stable and on it's own two feet. So I need to keep my head focused on that.
That's about it for now, friends. Have a great day!
