Strumming my Brain with MLS 3.0 Journal

[Ampersnd]

Day 50,

An insight I've had for the last couple of days:
"If you want something, and don't have it, then you are not neuro-physiologically prepared to have it/maintain it."

[Ampersnd]

Anyways,

I was so lazy today that I didn't start being productive around 5pm, where I went to the gym. Partway through, I introduced myself to a woman, and stated that I wanted to meet her, and she looked at me as though I gave her dad cancer. I said 'peace' and left her alone for the rest of my workout. I didn't really feel anything the whole way through.

I spent my evening cooking a little, practicing guitar, literally played this board game with my landlady (lol) and doing some acting practice after 1am. It's becoming easier to do these little acting sessions; and it's probably leading to incremental gains, but I don't see it. But, I generally like the end product. I didn't go out tonight

Maybe the amount of money I've set aside for savings is a bit high, but this month has ending relatively well. I am only working 4 days per week, but I might get spare work as an extra, etc. I might look into a second job, since 3 straight days off is feeling a bit decadent. That would bring in a little extra money.

Guitar playing is becoming outrageously good, so long as it's on my guitar specifically, with the specific pick that allows for fast and clean picking. I can play 100% of riffs in Cliffs of Dover at full speed, but not in one take. I will need to practice start to finish at 90-95% speed, or keep working away until my speed goes up.

I'm learning the Austin City Limits version, so there's a sweet intro at the start.

I sprang for the Pickslanting Primer yesterday. Yesterday, the Yngwie exercises were difficult and hard to coordinate. Since then, I've coordinated them and sped it up, but they aren't 100%. I need to get to the parts about upwards and dual pickslanting. There is great promise here. Once I get these techniques down and apply them, I feel that I can focus on singing a little more. This might take a month altogether. I'm setting up a voice lesson with Kegan from the Bohemian Vocal Studios.

[hsindermann]

Guitar playing is becoming outrageously good, so long as it's on my guitar specifically, with the specific pick that allows for fast and clean picking. I can play 100% of riffs in Cliffs of Dover at full speed, but not in one take. I will need to practice start to finish at 90-95% speed, or keep working away until my speed goes up.

Nice progress - will you record it once you are done?

What pick are you using? Been looking for a long time for picks that better support my picking style - been using Jazz III for a while, but now ended up with pretty thick V-Picks.

[Ampersnd]

Yeah, I'll record it; it will take a week or so to get it right. Then I'll record it.

I own a bunch of Jazz IIs and IIIs, but they've been slowing me down by catching on the string. To play my fastest on Jim Dunlop Stubby's, either 3.0 or 4.0 millimeters.

[Ampersnd]

Day 51,

I feel like I've hit a tipping point, based on something the acting teacher taught us. You have to become a full-time actor to get anywhere as an actor. If you have a few days available, then you're not going to go very far. It begs the questions as to whether I will be making the decision to become a full-time actor/a full time musician. For some reason, today, my perspective re-oriented itself; my current job, and everything else I do, is about trying to achieve my purpose. And, today, I see that much more clearly than before.

I think it's because I now believe that I have the means to accomplish these things, given that I can learn what I have to learn faster than before, and, probably faster than my competition.

[Ampersnd]

Day 52,

Today was a rough day; it felt as though my IQ dropped 30 points today; I could only complete half of what I normally could at work. I could only focus for two seconds at a time, and write one phrase at a time. But, I was hysterical; cracking jokes any chance I got. People were receptive to it, but I don't want to push my luck by doing it all the time. I was feeling genuine joy while doing this.

I feel like my mind is properly oriented in relation to learning. But, the actual methodology is being flawed right now, as in, I can't sit and focus at this time.

I had a first date with a woman. She's very quirky, and she is very interested in me. I expect that we will be having sex next time we see each other; she invited herself over to my place for next time. She also kissed me on the cheek right after I hugged her.

[Ampersnd]

Day 53,

Pardon me for getting a little specific and giving too much information. I'm noticed that I get a metallic smell any time my pants are off. My stomach/intestines are also churning a significant fraction of the time, and I'm passing bowel movements at least twice a day, usually three times. I've been consciously reading about heavy metal detox It leads me to wonder whether I'm subconsciously working on it at the moment. I forgot which member on this forum posted it, but I've been reading from the website posted below. A lot of it makes sense (and this is vaguely related to my field): http://thesupermandiet.com/

It has me interested in gastroenterology just to learn more about it. Or, I could follow some of the steps and determine its effectiveness based on feeling.

Detox 2 seems like a decent first step lol.

[Ampersnd]

Day 54,

Last night, I bought a few essential oils. I'm going to follow through on the detox stuff, bit by bit.
At this time, I strongly believe that I'm going through a subliminally-induced detox. No real sex drive, stomach turning, metallic smelling stool, different smelling body odor.

I went to the gym, thinking that I would see the girl I bumbled in front of last week. I saw a girl that vaguely looked like her, and I wasn't completely sure. Later on, she was talking with two bigger guys, and she was laughing and having a good time. While she was leaving, she and I crossed paths; then, we made eye contact and I realized: "Oh, shit, it WAS her!" And she was gone. She knows who I am, so I could always go back next week.

[Ampersnd]

I'm having another realization, which builds on something I've already realized:

(what I already knew): you're in the driver's seat. You can't expect other people to know the answers, and you can't expect to live any substantive life by listening to other people's answers on life.

(what I realized on that basis): because of this, there is no perfect framework for living your life; you have to fashion on based on pragmatism. But, you will miss opportunities just because that's how life works. You will have missed connections, loose ends, small conflicts and small ongoing relationships that come in and out of your life.

With subliminals, the same things have been happening in my life year after year. Work, girls, friends, hobbies. but my relationship to them has been continually shifting.

I will have to come to grips with the fact that I can't develop the ideal framework without first acting, making mistakes, and learning from them, in ALL elements of my life.
I also have to deal with ambiguity and uncertainty (not anxiety, but just the feeling of not being sure).

Other people want others to have the answers, too.

I've probably heard these words before, but, as internal realizations, they are more powerful.

[Ampersnd]

Day 55,

My mind keeps arriving at the same conclusion (true or false). Most of your problems are not psychological; they are bio-chemical environmental factors which affect your brain, and therefore, your thoughts.

The brain is an organ (one of many). You can't think that your brain's effectiveness isn't affected when even one of your other organs are out of whack. What makes it fall out of whack? Hormonal, chemical, and environmental factors can mess you up. There are so many chemical products in the world, and they permeate every environment you find yourself in. I think that many people categorize health status as 'healthy', 'sick' and 'cancer', 'healthy' occupying a large proportion.

This past decade, I've been caught up in the idea that I needed to solve my thoughts, and that solving my thoughts would solve my life. No matter how much tapping I do, having heavy metals or toxins accumulating in my bowels affects your blood supply, which affects the amount of oxygen that makes it to your brain (etc.), and throws you off. Even if I tap something away and settle it neurologically, it would be difficult to change a belief in a deep and lasting way if your vitality is constricted. In other words, my thoughts occur in a context, which is that they are occurring in a brain, which is itself biological tissue that is affected by its surrounding environment.

I'm realizing that most of the ongoing problem in my life come from my health. I'm not out of shape by any means; with my shirt off, you would think that I'm in excellent shape. However, there are subtler things that indicate that I'm nowhere near where I could be:

i) I sleep 6-8 hours and wake up completely wiped out and lacking energy. I hit the snooze button very often. Previously, the problem was taking at least one hour to fall asleep, AS WELL AS being drained while waking up.
ii) I've experienced some form of brain fog or 'saturation' (filled up on new information), or at least have been aware of it, for the past 8 months or so.
iii) I'm easily distracted in general.
iv) My sexual attraction to women is very flighty; when I was younger, I didn't feel genuine attraction towards women. But, due to raging hormones, it was a fucked up neediness, and every woman felt it, and, they understandably stayed away. Now, I don't feel very much at all when walking up to new women. I sense that they feel that too. It's almost a logical attraction, if that makes sense.
v) I'm often very socially introverted (a little less now), which makes sense; if I'm lacking energy to the point where I can't support my own functions, how can I expect to overflow and share that energy with other people?
vi) I've been risk averse in social environments; I realize that this is because I would only be able to muster up enough energy to perform the action, but not be willing to put up the energy to deal with the ongoing consequences attendant to it.
vii) Anytime I would get a new job, I would experience newfound motivation to achieve and do well. I think that this is due to adrenaline and not wanting to mess up. Once that behavior turned into habit, it would be the same old struggle to go to bed, wake up with enough energy, do the assignments, etc.
viii) New promises that I make with myself fall through; it's almost like the weekend, by sleeping for 8-10 hours and not having to work, allows me to rejuvenate JUST ENOUGH for me to cross some motivational threshold where I begin to see life's possibilities and start plotting. Once the weekend is up, the stressors of work and less sleep pull me back under that threshold.
ix) It takes me forever to heal wounds.

It's an absolute fucking miracle that I was able to finish writing that damn book, and make it something of decent quality. Or, get to this point. Well, it isn't THAT bad, but it's enough for me to take notice and to ask myself: "Could there be more to human life than being tired?" Honestly, I worked a half day, and was practically falling asleep at the wheel while driving down to see my family; in fairness, it was a 5.5 hour drive. But, really. Fortunately, I've got the spare cash to experiment with some solutions.

In other words, I'm planning a detox, which should take care of most of these problems. Don't worry about it; I won't be going off the deep end. But, I will commit to making a significant change in my life.

I don't know if I'm being clear enough; my thoughts are a little all over the place.

Note to self: a quote I thought about: "Don't invite hell upon yourself before first making yourself fire-resistant."

On the drive here, I started having plenty of ideas for the second iteration of the book.

[Ampersnd]

Day 56,

Had a busy day, and was about to have better conversations with my older relatives (I visited two of them today). I was asking questions from genuine curiosity.

I did Jiu Jitsu again today, and that went well. I practiced a bunch of guitar, too.

[Zeroxmachina]

Day 55,

My mind keeps arriving at the same conclusion (true or false). Most of your problems are not psychological; they are bio-chemical environmental factors which affect your brain, and therefore, your thoughts.

The brain is an organ (one of many). You can't think that your brain's effectiveness isn't affected when even one of your other organs are out of whack. What makes it fall out of whack? Hormonal, chemical, and environmental factors can mess you up. There are so many chemical products in the world, and they permeate every environment you find yourself in. I think that many people categorize health status as 'healthy', 'sick' and 'cancer', 'healthy' occupying a large proportion.

This past decade, I've been caught up in the idea that I needed to solve my thoughts, and that solving my thoughts would solve my life. No matter how much tapping I do, having heavy metals or toxins accumulating in my bowels affects your blood supply, which affects the amount of oxygen that makes it to your brain (etc.), and throws you off. Even if I tap something away and settle it neurologically, it would be difficult to change a belief in a deep and lasting way if your vitality is constricted. In other words, my thoughts occur in a context, which is that they are occurring in a brain, which is itself biological tissue that is affected by its surrounding environment.

I'm realizing that most of the ongoing problem in my life come from my health. I'm not out of shape by any means; with my shirt off, you would think that I'm in excellent shape. However, there are subtler things that indicate that I'm nowhere near where I could be:

i) I sleep 6-8 hours and wake up completely wiped out and lacking energy. I hit the snooze button very often. Previously, the problem was taking at least one hour to fall asleep, AS WELL AS being drained while waking up.
ii) I've experienced some form of brain fog or 'saturation' (filled up on new information), or at least have been aware of it, for the past 8 months or so.
iii) I'm easily distracted in general.
iv) My sexual attraction to women is very flighty; when I was younger, I didn't feel genuine attraction towards women. But, due to raging hormones, it was a ***** up neediness, and every woman felt it, and, they understandably stayed away. Now, I don't feel very much at all when walking up to new women. I sense that they feel that too. It's almost a logical attraction, if that makes sense.
v) I'm often very socially introverted (a little less now), which makes sense; if I'm lacking energy to the point where I can't support my own functions, how can I expect to overflow and share that energy with other people?
vi) I've been risk averse in social environments; I realize that this is because I would only be able to muster up enough energy to perform the action, but not be willing to put up the energy to deal with the ongoing consequences attendant to it.
vii) Anytime I would get a new job, I would experience newfound motivation to achieve and do well. I think that this is due to adrenaline and not wanting to mess up. Once that behavior turned into habit, it would be the same old struggle to go to bed, wake up with enough energy, do the assignments, etc.
viii) New promises that I make with myself fall through; it's almost like the weekend, by sleeping for 8-10 hours and not having to work, allows me to rejuvenate JUST ENOUGH for me to cross some motivational threshold where I begin to see life's possibilities and start plotting. Once the weekend is up, the stressors of work and less sleep pull me back under that threshold.
ix) It takes me forever to heal wounds.

It's an absolute ***** miracle that I was able to finish writing that damn book, and make it something of decent quality. Or, get to this point. Well, it isn't THAT bad, but it's enough for me to take notice and to ask myself: "Could there be more to human life than being tired?" Honestly, I worked a half day, and was practically falling asleep at the wheel while driving down to see my family; in fairness, it was a 5.5 hour drive. But, really. Fortunately, I've got the spare cash to experiment with some solutions.

In other words, I'm planning a detox, which should take care of most of these problems. Don't worry about it; I won't be going off the deep end. But, I will commit to making a significant change in my life.

I don't know if I'm being clear enough; my thoughts are a little all over the place.

Note to self: a quote I thought about: "Don't invite hell upon yourself before first making yourself fire-resistant."

On the drive here, I started having plenty of ideas for the second iteration of the book.

I definitely feel alot of what you're saying,let me ask you a question...What sort of diet do you have?

[Ampersnd]

I follow a pretty simple diet. It's based on Tim Ferriss' "Slow Carb Diet". I don't eat any simple carbs from bread and grains. I don't eat that many fruit or candies.

I do eat a lot of legumes (beans, peas, lentils, etc.), cheese, meats, and vegetables. I have an extravagant cheat day one day per week, and then I take it easy the next day.

[Ampersnd]

What if many of the so-called heritable risk factors (for diseases, as an example) come from exposing your children (or having your parents expose you) to the exact same environmental factors that caused you to have the diseases you are slated to have under those conditions.