StridingStrider's LTU5 Journal

[StridingStrider]

Day 144

Weird dream last night.. dreamt of hair and hairline regrowing to youthful levels. Checked dream moods and anything to do with hair is health/sexuality, things of that ilk. Also woke up feeling pretty good..

I'm not aware of bad feelings with regard to balding.. I do remember when I was a bit younger dreaming that my hair was dread locked still, when my hair IRL wasn't (I did have dreadlocks at one point). Looking at dream moods back then its supposed to signify confustion/uncertainly. So this looks like progress..

[StridingStrider]

Day 146

Seems like my past three dreams have revolved around the same theme: being comfortable being sexual with women.

Hopefully FRM can crack this nut..

[StridingStrider]

Day 151

Anxiety has been high lately. So much so that I'm contemplating running the sub more intuitively then sticking to the recommended usage. I've been running an extra 3-4 loops throughout the day whenever I've been feeling anxious and that seems to have helped. But I've also developed a headache so I'll be taking tonight off. I think the 4:2 ASRB was making progress but it was too rough for me.

With the extra loops my dreams last night were more nightmarish involving xenomorphs.. which I suspect to be symbolic of women given what I know about their design. Also I'm been having dreams involving sex.

Apart from that over the past month or so I've noticed anal clenching where I didn't before and I've become obsessed with Tinder and getting likes. I guess I'm seeking validation and I've got too much time on my hands.

Also I've been focusing on developing love and gratitude thoughts & feelings which feel like spiritual progress.

[StridingStrider]

Day 165

Interesting stuff going on lately. Switched to Masked for a bit and noticed my anxiety lessen, but I wonder if the anxiety being high is a good thing.. means something is happening. Not much dreams on masked, so I switched back to Hybrid last night and I have something to report.

I've been playing a game from 2006 and reflected on the fact that if you're an asshole to people, in this case NPCs and kill them, you're in effect destroying the content of the game, but this can also been applied to RL, burning bridges with people, and being an asshole. I feel (at least right now) that I'm becoming more empathetic towards people.. time will tell if this is permanent but it feels like something is happening under the surface.

[StridingStrider]

Day 182

Intense H&C dream last night related to my self image.. woke me up halfway through my loops, but didn't have a problem going back to sleep. Slept for an extra 2-4 hours.. ok. Past two days I've been feeling really sore.. all I did was leg lunges with 2x25kg kettlebells.. not the heaviest I've ever done but it's taken it's toll.

Apart from last night I think I've overcome one of my fears that was causing me a lot of anxiety, or at least greatly reduced it. After this cycle I'll be taking a week off to rest a bit from the subliminal and see where I stand.. but I'll probably keep running it for another 6 months as long as I think I can squeeze more out of it.

As for my original goals.. I didn't achieve finding a job (yet) or learning to drive.. but that will come in time. If I'm honest I needed a break from the grind to heal and luckily I'm in a position to do that. These last six months have been pretty life changing in regards to getting me out of an environment that was causing me a lot of stress and anxiety to a place where I can enjoy life more.

[StridingStrider]

Face feels hot and somethings happening in my chest. DMSI TID? Also felt horny out of nowhere, despite LTU playing right next to me.

[StridingStrider]

Last night was my last night of LTU, while I take a week break. Getting headaches and had a strange sensation around my penis.. maybe it's just in my head?

[RTBoss]

Last night was my last night of LTU, while I take a week break. Getting headaches and had a strange sensation around my penis.. maybe it's just in my head?

Which one?  

[StridingStrider]

Last night was my last night of LTU, while I take a week break. Getting headaches and had a strange sensation around my penis.. maybe it's just in my head?

Which one?  

True