StridingStrider's LTU5 Journal

[StridingStrider]

Some details.

Started: 24/03/2019 (right after DMSI, so I might be encountering turbulence for the first month or so)
Loops: 5
Days off: 0 (unless I feel like I need one)
Conscious goals:

• Find a new job
  
• Heal myself socially/sexually
  
• ?
  

Problems: 

• Difficulty in social situations, especially around women, especially around women who I know are interested
  
• Just quit my job, so I'll be looking either for something new.
  
• Learning stuff I'm not interested in (I might need to run MLS in the future for this one)
  

Like I've already said, I've just quit my job so I'll be doing some job searching over the next few days. Whether this is the result of LTU will remain to be seen, but I have no regrets. The sector I work in I really don't enjoy and I've been doing it since high school, so I'm long over due getting out of it.

I won't be updating this journal everyday like I tried to do before, only when I deem something noteworthy.

[StridingStrider]

Quick update. I've been offered my previous job back at another location (I was training for a new position at the time, and wasn't able to regress), to which I've accepted.

While I still want to move on, I know it was the right decision to quit there and then. I wouldn't of been happy in my new position, whereas with this I can still get some money in, while (if I can stay motivated-LTU please help) make progress to a job I will enjoy.

To be continued.

[StridingStrider]

Had my first vivid dream last night. In it a war was kicking off and people were being evacuated. I was still outside running away when things started exploding. According to dream moods a war type dream either means your life is in chaos or your not being assertive enough. I tend to think its the SE module firing. My SE was low yesterday, feels better today.

I also had another dream which I think involved killing someone, not me. Don't remember too much about it.

[StridingStrider]

I think I'm still getting bloom from DMSI. It's been two weeks and a half since I stopped DMSI and went onto LTU5. I'm getting:

Respect hits, like if you wear an alpha pheromone. I haven't been, but people are referring to me as Sir, which must be the celebrity effect lingering on. Another example of this is that people think I'm the manager when they don't really have any reason to.

Also, weirdly, both now and before when I was on DMSI, people seem to be farting around me. I don't think this is normal farting but fight or flight style farting, like they're nervous around me at some level. This is mostly strangers rather then people I know.

Food for thought.

EDIT: Also, just to add, the sub has been helping me deal with my anxiety and fear a lot better then DMSI. Part of the reason for that is due to the goals being different, whereas DMSI was pushing me into the direction of my fears, i.e. women, this sub isn't so it's been more relaxing for my subconscious.

Overall I'm enjoying the sub. Some days are better then others but hopefully this is solid progress which won't backslide.

[Benjamin]

when I was on DMSI, people seem to be farting around me. I don't think this is normal farting but fight or flight style farting

Hahaha i'm laughing quite a bit at this .

[Have at ye]

when I was on DMSI, people seem to be farting around me. I don't think this is normal farting but fight or flight style farting

Hahaha i'm laughing quite a bit at this .

I guess this could be construed as a self-defense mechanism of... some sort. :O

I haven't noticed any marked increase in outside flatulence when running DMSI over here, though. I did notice people getting nervous/fidgety around me on the earlier versions (and, to a lesser extent, on this version, too, but way more rarely) though. So who knows.

[Shannon]

You guys. Fight or flight style farting? That's hilarious. Has nothing to do with DMSI, but hilarious.

[StridingStrider]

Day 23

Got it again today. This time from my co-worker I think. Getting tired of smelling other peoples innards. Think I might start wearing some pheromones so at least I have something nice to smell.

Anxiety and fear definitely lessened. Had one of my triggers today and I felt it try to fire (panic attack) but it came up empty. I'm still in the cycle of expecting something to happen, even though nothing does, which is a positive. Hopefully I can just remove the behavior entirely.

The stress relief is also a god send. Normally it manifests in foot movement, as over the years I've tried to suppress it from my upper body so other people didn't catch on. Reduction here too.

FRM is definitely a major advance in technology. State shifting was nice when it actually fired, but not feeling the fear in the first place is better all round.

As for motivation, not much in the realm of finding a new job or learning to drive, but I'm reading more. I think this might just be down to losing interest in other things though, like playing PC games and watching YouTube.

[Paul1131]

The stress relief is also a god send. Normally it manifests in foot movement, as over the years I've tried to suppress it from my upper body so other people didn't catch on. Reduction here.

Glad I’m not the only one on that. This thing nuked a lifetime of twitching and fidgeting in one set of loops for me.

[StridingStrider]

Day 27

Completed my first proper cycle. Took two days off compared with the previous two weeks of one day off. I'm going to stick with Shannons recommended ASBR for now, as I'm finding I'm only dreaming (or at least consciously remembering those dreams) on my days off. I'm thinking that the two days off will help me process the instructions better.

Not much to report. People are still farting around me, but I've been having some bowl issues myself and letting out some stinkers. I dropped one at work today (at least I think it was me, I don't consciously remember farting) and it stunk the place out. Payback.

I've been thinking about quitting my job in a couple of weeks time as I don't really like the people I work with for a variety of reasons, and I just want out. I accepted my job back because it seemed like the logical thing to do until I find new work but now my mind set has shifted to fuck it I'd rather be unemployed for a bit and be forced to find something else. We'll see.

Still haven't made progress on learning to drive. The days I have off I either feel exhausted or just waste time on YouTube. I'm fairly self aware that subliminals won't do everything for you and you have to exert willpower to get things done but I'm feeling fairly unmotivated to do much at all. Life feels pretty pointless right now.

[Shannon]

Overcoming the fears is a process, and it takes time. One thing has to be finished before another can be worked on in some cases. So wherever there is a block, it will go slower and then you'll see a breakthrough and sudden progress until it hits another block. Also keep in mind all of what it;s doing all at once, which affects the speed of progress also.

But you're right, where you have a block, you can't just sit back. You have to decide at the conscious level, yes, I want this, and I'm going to make it happen. When you find yourself procrastinating, do something about it!

[StridingStrider]

Thanks for the input Shannon.

Day 29

Interesting day. Yesterday I had cold like symptoms; excess mucus, sneezing, the usual. But today it cleared up, so I can only guess it was UD working its way through me. I also wrote my resignation ready to print off when I'm ready. That seemed to give me some peace.

On my way to work a girl on the opposite side of the road said hi to me. I didn't think she was talking to me until I turned my head to look at her. The expression on her face was something along the line of being concerned.. I guess. I just gave her a wave and continued walking.

Got to work and instead of being in my head and concerned with how I was coming across I was just relaxed and dare I say confident... I was wearing an alpha pheromone which might of helped but this is different. One of my co-workers also seemed more friendly.

Tomorrow I'm going to inquire about some driving lessons I might still have on the books. Too soon to say anything absolute but today was a positive step forward.

[StridingStrider]

Day 48

Just gave in my resignation. Everything went pretty well. I felt fairly comfortable doing it. Since my last post though my anxiety has been everywhere. Mostly negative.

With my time off I've going to be learning to drive, applying to jobs and working on varies techniques in order to help heal my social anxiety.

Time will tell if this was the right decision but sometimes you need to make mistakes in order to learn from them.

[StridingStrider]

Day 56

I seem to be getting more confrontational with people. I just had an argument with my sister over who's responsibility it is to look after her child and it ended in a shouting match. Previously I'd avoid getting into an argument with someone, resolving to be diplomatic and non confrontational. I still have a long way to go on this one, but I wasn't expecting that.