Springtime Has Come (Antaeus' AM6 Journal)

[JCasterlin]

Stage 1, Day 1

Not much yet. Everything at work seemed pretty normal. My guess is I'll end up being a huge resistor in this program. I'll keep moving forward with it in good faith.

Give it time bro, because of the naturalizer programming it can be hard to tell sometimes when you're getting results. There's little things I catch all the time as far as changes go and have to ask myself "when did this happen?"...Go back to the beginning of my AM6 journal and you'll see that I actually thought both stage 1 and 2 would be boring, stage 3 as well. It seems that for those stages, I always noticed my results within the last 18 days or so. The slower the stage seems to change me in the beginning, the more it picks up towards the end. One cannot judge an entire journey based off the first step.

Trust me I totally get it. Rome wasn't built in a day, and the next 6 months of programming is attempting to change almost 30 years of programming. I'm just happy to have started. I have to use headphones for the time being because of my sister, bro-in-law and two nephews (4 and 1 year olds) staying here and we're in tight quarters. It's gonna take some time to get used to the headphones and I do have strategies in place to keep my headphones from falling out.

Thank you for offering your perspective DavisMind91. It really helps me to know what to expect.

I've had to learn to be patient myself. Being patient with progress with AM6 is also helping me or at least made me aware that I need to do the same thing with getting better at my career.The other thing I keep thinking about is although over time we may not notice certain or any changes it doesn't mean they haven't happened. Especially with what I've read about the " Naturalizer" . Observe how people respond to or act around you.

[Antaeus]

Day 5 (4/5/18)

I notice that I'm motivated today to get things done. Cleaned the bathroom and started cleaning my bedroom. Wasn't planning on doing these things. Just decided to on the spot.

[Antaeus]

So the past few days I've really been sleeping well (and no problems with earphones falling out) I wonder if the sub is helping with this. Anyone else experience this?

[Benjamin]

There's nothing in AM6 about sleeping well. Maybe you're adjusting to the input. If you're having problems sleeping it's usually when you start a new stage or the input is too much (as in too many hours of listening.)

[Antaeus]

Well whatever the case it's been working out that's for sure. And my plan with the headphones has been working out perfectly.

[Antaeus]

Feeling a little bit down today. Reflecting on times I've been walked on or disrespected. A lot of it is stuff that happened years ago but yet I still think about it from time to time and end up feeling slightly bitter and/or resentful about what happened. Most of it was stuff with some of my fraternity brothers, but it was my fault for allowing it to happen.

In the moment they acted appreciative when I did what they asked (gave rides, bought drinks etc.) , but they knew. They knew I (then) thrived off of approval from other people and that's what they counted on to get what they wanted.

But I also realize that I need to let this go at some point, because I know that as much as I think about these things, they don't. Most of these guys have gotten on with their lives and gotten married, some of them even have kids already. I'm only hurting myself, because after all:

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

I know I need to grow up and move on, and simply choose new and better friends along the way.

I know that the programming will help with these issues, I hope to be able to adopt a more mature perspective about these things and be able to forgive. And to forgive myself for allowing it to happen.

[Antaeus]

Stage 1 Day 11 (4/11/18)

Still not too much to report. Feeling very sleepy lately, couple of weird dreams here and there. Joked around with some class mates last night and jokes are kind of on their way to being more on point. Still have some progress to make.

[Antaeus]

Come to think of it, I notice my anxiety has lessened slightly. It's subtle but I notice it.

[Antaeus]

A girl that comes into my store sometimes said hi to me today and asked me how I was doing and such. I've talked to her numerous times but today she initiated a conversation with me which usually it's other way around.

Also feels like maybe I'm treated with a little more respect by coworkers. Not really looking for it, but somehow it feels that way.

[Antaeus]

I haven't really felt much resistance yet, no irritation, not really any sleeplessness etc. Life just seems pretty normal right now.

[Antaeus]

Okay so some catching up time. It's been quite a hectic week with school and work and I haven't had much time to journal. Some things to note:

I notice I've been slightly more irritable with mom lately. Not too much but definitely some.

I had a dream I don't quite remember but I remember I woke up from it convulsing slightly. Not like having a seizure or anything but it felt like someone was taking me by the shoulders and just shaking me senseless. I felt a sense of paralysis during this moment until I fully woke up. I don't know if this is connected to the sub in any way. All I know is when I woke up, my headphones were still in and the sub was still playing.

I do recall joking with one of my instructors last week. He made a joking comment about my phone going off and I retorted with a "mind your business" kind of comment (jokingly of course).

Yesterday I managed to squeeze in a total of 12 hours (4 hours during the day; 8 at night) I noticed I had a bit of a headache with some jitters. I did have a bit of coffee earlier that day but there was some accompanying anxiety and I could barely concentrate on my exam (I did pass by the way).

I can't really tell if any of this is significant but they are some things I think are noteworthy.

[Antaeus]

So my iPod has been malfunctioning. Shutting off randomly even with a full battery. Not quite sure what to do. May have to run from my iPad.

[Antaeus]

So on account of some mishaps with my iPod, I have decided that I will need to restart AM6. My iPod nano has been malfunctioning and I currently cannot use my speakers. I need to take some time and figure out the MP3 player situation and possibly get a new one. I also technically have missed 3 days and will not have time to make up the time.

I will restart AM6 in mid-May.

[JCasterlin]

So on account of some mishaps with my iPod, I have decided that I will need to restart AM6. My iPod nano has been malfunctioning and I currently cannot use my speakers. I need to take some time and figure out the MP3 player situation and possibly get a new one. I also technically have missed 3 days and will not have time to make up the time.

I will restart AM6 in mid-May.

Why wait until mid may?