Spiral's brand new journal.

[Sean]

Spiral, your progress is inspiring. I don't comment often, but I follow your thread here.

[Spiral]

I'm very assertive now. I don't have a specific example but that is related to my increased self-assuredness. I'm also very content and relaxed. I don't smile unless there is something to smile about or I smile at my own enthusiasm. I have no reason to be overly happy all the time. And I laugh at the negative. I'll think about it sure then it's like whatever. Afterwards, I just laugh at myself. I have better things to focus on. I am still very emotional though in terms of the things I read on the news.. when I listen to music.. I connect with the happiness and joy. I also connect with the horror and sadness. I think it's good I am this way though. It reminds me of how far I have come. I'm much more transparent and I'm proud of that.

When I was fishing on my trip the last fish we caught was a monster sized Snook. The guide had the pleasure of reeling it in and it took him about 20 - 25 minutes. he brought the fish to the boat. We took it up and took pictures with it, then he put it back down in the water while still holding onto its mouth. This fish didn't fight. The guide was just moving his arm gently left and right to massage the fish (since it was exhausted from the fight). The fact that the fish didn't fight while he was holding it in the water (for 5 minutes) floored me. The fish had submitted to him and let go. It trusted him. When we had it out of the water taking pictures he would give the fish a break and put it back in the water to give it it's oxygen. Take it back out and we'd film and check it out some more. As he was giving us a fishing lesson he placed the fish back in the water for 5 minutes as I said earlier. It did'nt fight. It would just do its swimming motion while the guide moved it left to right to massage the fish. He then guided it with his hand, let go of it, and the fish just floated on. It never scurried on.. just coasted and swam away very slowly. It almost made me cry. I wasn't sad, I was just overwhelmed with gratitude, awe and euphoria.

Thank you Shannon. You have the medicine for everyone in the world. I can't wait for these to go mainstream

BTW thank you Ben and Sean. I appreciate it.

[Spiral]

I've realized I've come so far but to get to the next level.. I can't get there by stepping. I have to take a leap. I think the only thing that is holding me back is the illusion of fear and my false sense of time. A part of me still believes that I have plenty of time to do what I want to do and I've been conditioned with this statement by my parents. Even though my father tells me "If you don't do it now you will never do it" I just unknowingly picked the "safer" alternative and conditioned myself that I have plenty of time. I don't. It's now or never. I can't say I'm so close I can feel it or see it. It's time to shut up, use my brain and just do it.

EDIT: ..I promise to shut up starting now

[Spiral]

So I've been off ASC 5G for about 23 days.

I feel like things have toned down.. but now everything's polished and shiny. I still experience bouts of frustration every now and then. However, this changes from moment to moment. Yesterday I worked out and regressed a little in a few exercises and got pretty frustrated. This is because I hold high standards for my own success, and I am impatient. Also, I realized how I'm still affected by this illusion of fear of other people's perceptions of who I am, my actions and behaviors.

Either way, when it was time to go to sleep I felt at peace. It was nice.

Looking forward to starting BAMM in a weeks time. I'm real excited for all the different types of goals in BAMM especially, and what's great is that it's mandatory to use the program until the end goal is achieved. I'm ready for the committment. Bring it on!

EDIT: I want to acknowledge you, Sean. I appreciate you commenting and finding my progress inspiring.