Spiral's Sex Magnet 2011 journal

[Ryan]

I'm getting a lot of resistance too. But it's not your typical uncomfortable type of resistance. It's more-so, I don't know wtf is going on with me lately, resistance.

Ryan

[Spiral]

Very good way to put it. I gotta work on doing what I do and not worry about the woman. I was forgetting that concept for some odd reason. I've had alot of trouble with believeing in myself over this past year just dealing with "will everything be ok?" it sucks but It's all a process. I think to see the results I want to see I just need to keep doing what I'm doing but make a small change. Just be more of a people person.. so I just need to keep giving my love to everyone and this has improved since the beginning of stage 3 and I hope to become more comfortable being extroverted. I really do like making others feel great and by doing that they want to be in my presence.

[Spiral]

Just had a pretty girl approach me at Publix. She was an older woman but probably younger than 30. She told me about some really good apples.. since I was looking at apples. I said "Oh is that right? Well, thank you." Next time I'll be like "Well, it's your lucky day because I'm having an apple party later at my place. You are welcome to join me if you'd like. Here's my number."

[Spiral]

Well I have probably started to seem like an asshole to some people but I'm still friendly. Mainly referring to work colleagues. But I'm starting to get real sick of it all and have been looking for jobs the past month or so. Applying to anything I come across that fits me. But before I apply to anymore I'm going to send some follow up emails to these employers or even call them to ask about how their search is going and if they've come across my resume etc. I'm becoming more indifferent and not so much of a flirt right now. My flirting mainly consists of light sarcasm and sometimes role play. I do enjoy the sarcastic role play but I could be much better at it. I don't linger when conversation gets stale or once I lose interest. I let go of things pretty easily now and I sing even louder in the office and sing when people come into my office so it's fun. I'm becoming more comfortable making a fool out of myself and I would love to continue developing this trait. Maybe I'll make it a hobby. O.o

Other than that.. I'm still working hard at developing my technique on drums. Awareness of breathing while playing. And the occasional meditation. Things are fine.. they could be better.. and I'm taking the necessary steps for that to happen whether small or big. I'm more direct and honest and carefree about what people think. And I apologize to all you but I don't feel like posting in other journals much anymore. I do occasionally read them but I must be coming down with "who cares about a message board" syndrome.

[Ryan]

Lol if you hadn't noticed yet, most of those who have done Alpha and Sex Magnet do not post anymore But I like to give comments to those who are working there way through it all.

Way to go, Ryan. I too feel like I'm not a flirt anymore. I feel more like an arrogant, asshole sometimes. But it's not a bad thing, I just know what I want and I'm in control.

Ryan

[Spiral]

Well said Ryan!

[Spiral]

I don't really care to approach women. I never have but that hasn't improved at all. I just don't have a problem talking to them anymore. In fact I'm much more flirtatious and very comfortable socially with women. I just stay away from the pursuing mindset and having an agenda. UNLESS I feel very attracted to this person and the initial connection is very strong. I havn't voiced my intentions to a specific girl yet but flirting is pretty easy and my eye contact is more comfortable.

However I still worry some about what people think of me.. like meeting a whole new group of people that I don't know may give me some anxiety.

I just flew back from Houston and on the plane I was sitting next to a woman who was probably 60 and as soon as she sat down I began flirting with her. Really it was just a one line icebreaker but we talked for a little while and that was whatever. There was a very beautiful girl sitting behind me to the left across the aisle. I could have started talking to her because on the initial eye contact we smiled at each other but I just felt uneasy about starting a conversation with her since the plane was full. I'm usually a more conservative and private person when it comes to people I'm talking to but that's getting better every day. In this situation though I was just worried about what people were going to think and look at me when I'm talking to some stranger who is in fact very gorgeous. And the desire wasn't there. But mostly my own insecurities got in the way. Thankfully, I did not beat myself up mentally.. instead I just relaxed, let go, and told myself it's alright.. there will be a better opportunity.

Unfortuneatly this is what I always tell myself with women and nothing ever happens. In my current life style I think I will actually have to push harder and forward more to make things happen. Which I don't have a problem with.. just in less crowded places.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

[Spiral]

I've had this issue with being bothered by what people think of me but I need to get over that. Anyone have a specific affirmation or subliminal for this issue I could use for a couple of months before going into alpha male 2012? Also, letting go has been much easier and as well as socializing so I'll ride that and go out on my own some to catch a band or football game and have some fun conversations with people. I will have to push myself to do this but I'm sure this will also help my issue.

[Ryan]

Uhh..."Rejecting Others Negativity?" Otherwise, I'd say just stick it out. Stage 4 did a lot of that on me actually, as soon as stage 5 came along, social anxiety and all of it were minimal.

Ryan

[Shannon]

AM is one of the best sources for subliminal programming for not caring what others think of you.

[Spiral]

Thank you,Shannon. Like you said earlier I will probably need a second and third run through of AM.

[LionMonkey]

As for an affirmation, you could use; I do not care what others think about me.
Spiral, I think it never really goes away, the doubting..

Let me give you an example from before I knew and used subliminals (when I realized that I have just began my journey); On my way to Amsterdam I was sitting beside a man. I greet him. There was a woman around start thirties sitting in front of him and there was a free seat beside her. I switched seat and sat beside her (can't remember if it was before the plane took off or after) . She was from a little country in the middle east. A beautiful woman. Could definitely be labeled MILF. We started talking and at a point she says that she is visiting her husband. Anyways, I went in for a kiss. She pulled away. We could still talk very friendly. At the airport we met again and we shook hands and I went in to kiss it but she pulled it away..

The point is, I'm sure I'm much more confident now than before but I had courage then. I was blindly believing in something.
Also, I didn't hesitate. Maybe a little but I didn't analyze the whole situation. The only thing I knew was; I know what I wanted and I am gonna take it.


Yet I am having doubts like yesterday.. this post is something I've experienced recently;

HUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOHH...!

It's breeeeeeezy and STORMING outside right now.. ahhh.. the mesmerizing enormous power nature is...
Standing outside in the middle of the storm, feeling it.. the tickling uncertainty in the body, the immense power that could crush a human being with no effort, the increased heart-rate, the fear right under the surface...

The fear when you have a pretty sure gut feeling of taking action on something but... you don't.. well.. I didn't.

(Inside my cozy home now and writing this when I should do some homework.. hmm.. f*** it )

Waiting on the train after a great night in the city. I notice a girl who looked like one of my ex lovers. She was talking with a dude. Fifteen minutes till the train would arrive.

We ended our *relationship* in a short cut way. Wasn't sure if it was her though because of the distance but she certainly looked like as sexy as I remember her.. actually more sexy.

A little half-hearted battle in my head...

Well.. it ended up with her taking the train and her friend leaving, just hugging each other and I realized that it was her...


ANALYSIS is really the enemy when you are out there. It's a long time since I've had this "F***!" feeling of regret. Yeah.. it sucks.. but it's okay.. I believe that the universe puts us in situations to have the opportunity to take what we've been thinking about and it seems that it's cycle is that it happens when you least expect it...

Now is the time for analysis: home in a place of comfort - out there it's about gut instincts man.. F*** doubts!! genuine curiosity, allows being in the present, which triumphs doubts.......


Staying present with gratitude & genuine curiosity can do wonders in order to take action for what we want.....

[Spiral]

Thank you LionMonkey. I do need to build up my courage more. I may just add that I am a very bold genuine human being as an affirmation.

[Spiral]

Stage 5 has begun.

Actually I started it a few days ago and I believe this is night 5.

I have hit a little bit of resistance and what's noticeable is my social ability seems non existent right now but I'm very comfortable with everything. I'm on a business trip now and all I care about is doing a real tight job on the filming I have to do which continues to improve. My ability to focus has gotten much much better as well.

I have had some minimal bouts of jealousy today and yesterday but no women around so I'm not sure if I have a neediness issue right now. Maybe the only thing is I want people to like and respect me... AND I'm getting that.

Also I'm more critical of people's behavior and I find it ridiculous how people don't answer after you've asked a question. Even if they are clearly not pre occupied with something more important than myself and my question. This drives me nuts and all it takes is a little bit of awareness and consideration. I project my voice effortlessly now and I don't know if some people diliberatly(sp?) ignore me but it's unacceptable. Unless you are old and deaf.

My natural charm and smiley sense of humor is down also.. so that confirms I am in a phase of resistance. I'll just make a few badass television shows and ride this out.