Spiral's Sex Magnet 2011 journal

[Ryan]

I go through some jealousy on stage 5. It's up and down for me. And social issues too.

[Spiral]

It's been difficult to relax lately from the stress of my job. And naturally, my breathing is still constricted to a lower type of breathing when I'm stressed out. I tend to forget about myself and focus on my current outer reality which I shouldn't do. It's causing me to be in somewhat of a down mood the past few days but it's just resistance. I was more determined to get things done today rather than dwell on how things should be right now in this moment. I think this phase might be another stepping stone to taking more action.

Plus the other day I posted an ad on craigslist advertising myself as an available vocalist or drummer. I also plan to audition for two plays next year. I've acted before and enjoyed it but have never been comfortable on stage. Screw it. I need to do something different and this is one more step.

[boromir]

Sorry Spiral, I have to reply and be my blatant, blunt a-hole self-just get in there!
If I was young, desperate and f'ng hungry, I would instead save up my money and garner a high class or apropos girl, or whatever. Think about all the money you spend on this or that to try and get no different, except there is certainty and a great degree of satisfaction. I guarantee if she is great, so I have been told, she will rock your world, and you will be coasting thereafter in a positive direction attracting more. And the best part you can just walk away with smile on your face with no attachments, unless you create them. No, I have never done it, nor condone the activity, but I have thought about it a time or two, three..Why else has it been around for a thousand years, it serves a human purpose. You have to pay mucho for E-harmony with no guarantee, yeah its legal as far as I can tell.
Just an idea, and probably revolting for most.

[Spiral]

I find it hard to understand the point of that post, Boromir. I appreciate the thought, though.

[Spiral]

Never mind I understand what you are saying. And no you are not being an asshole.

[Spiral]

I'm in this rut and it feels like I'll never get out! Dammit Stage 5. Or I should say dammit Shannon. You must have some dirty tricks up your sleeve for this because It's been resistance the whole way through. My socializing is at an all time low and so is my role play sarcastic flirting as well as general happiness. It's so wierd becuase it's like.. why is it like this? Sure I was stressed out but It's just wierd to make conversation with others now.. and I was expecting by now to be approaching new people and socializing. NEVERtheLess I've decided to try out the socializing subliminal with another (maybe ASC) after SM because being single and having no friends gives me a perfect opportunity to just go up to people and talk to them. Also I've just been questioning my existence this whole stage. It's starting to get annoying. I need to stop complaining to. All in all it feels like I've taken 1,000 steps back and it feels like I'll never get anywhere. Stage 5 doesn't fuck around.

[RainbowAbyss]

Oh man..I feel for u man, hang in there, do whatever u need to do to enjoy ur life and stay easy on urself, Shannon mentioned that it helps to believe in the sub you r doing, and that can make the difference between heaven and hell sometimes. No that whatever happens, these six monthswere for something big, even if u don't see it yet. shxxxt gets tough, try to stay grateful for some little thing u have and experience that u have going for u, like being alive and fully functioning.

[Ryan]

Lol. Stage 5 has been very resistant for me too. Or atleast bringing out a lot of negativity. However, most of the issues I'm struggling with do not last long. I had those awkward socializing days too but then a day or 2 later, I was ok.

Ryan

[Spiral]

Thanks rainbow. That's all i think about man.. being alive and having all my limbs to play my drums etc. It's important to stay grateful.

[Spiral]

I felt inspired today. So I went into the office to do some work. A few other co workers came in later in the afternoon.. we socialized for a bit but I noticed something wierd. I had social anxiety pop up. Maybe because I was getting excited about what we were talking about, and it was also chilly outside and I did not have my jacket. Either way.. it was that anxious exciting feeling and that's never a bad thing.

[Spiral]

I am going to make this note..

I will be doing Disconnect from Negativity after SM then pick up with alpha male 2012 and do the Socializing is just a fun game sub switching between that and Happiness and joy and/or Disconnect from Negativity.

Yes, Ryan, I stole the idea from you because it's a good one.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I'm waiting to see what Shannon recommends about that. Are you planning to add in Woman Magnet next year too? I'm excited to see what will happen, but fear my Alpha ways may not be as strong doing it once a year rather than every 6 months. But we'll see.

I have a feeling Disconnect from Negativity may be a hard month for me to internalize, but it has to be done.

Ryan

[Spiral]

Ill porobably do it for two months cuz I need it fixed. And yes, Ill be doing WM.

[Spiral]

Well that high ride didn't last long. We had the company christmas party last night and I was pretty anti social. I talked with just about everyone but all the co workers brought there guests and obviously they are people I don't know. So fear of the unknown and new things still cause fear inside me I guess. BUT also I am beginning to realize alcohol makes me more self concious. I had some last night and all it did was loosen me up physically but I was mentally more self concious so I don't need to be drinking anymore. Other than that.. sex drive has been up very high the last few days.. and indifference is also up.. but I'm beginning to question the subliminal again. whatever.. I'm going home today for a week to see old friends and my family again.