Spiral's BAMM Journal

[Spiral]

You may be right, Fonzy. It's possible he did not see me get pulled over. And if that's the case that is very awesome that he would buy my food.

[Fonzy3]

Usually it's if you are going 20 over the speed limit you would get pulled over and be given a ticket. Maybe he knew that and decided to give you a break because the reason you got pulled over was pretty harsh. Either way you lucked out.

Thanks

Fonzy

[Spiral]

I'm almost half way through Stage 5. Not sure what's happening but I'm feeling discombobulated all the time. I am managing to do my thing. MY thing which is something I've never really done very well. I guess you could say I'm walking with confidence now just about all the time. It's not draining me anymore.. it keeps me up and thirsting for more life. I want to continue growing and never have to sleep again. Of course I need sleep.

I don't often talk about dreams but I will mention this here. It's really interesting that most of the dreams I've had while on stage 5 have involved friends and old acquaintances rather than made up faces. Most dreams never end up in any huge successes. Some have ended with jealousy and anger. No nightmares. I have not made a connection with all this.

[Spiral]

Stage 5 is just as harsh as stage 4. It's more of a mental thing this time around. Being back at work after a good couple vacations with good people my work has sucked alot of the energy right out of me. It's an all too familiar and comfortable/horrible feeling.

Thankfully, I'm getting more awesome as the days go by it's so obvious. I got the last half of my show done this past week all because we didn't film the stuff I needed until this past weekend. Rough week to say the least. But again I proved to myself how awesome I can be if I really want to be. I have alot of room to improve but that has been frustrating me. I'm going through some things right now and am having trouble confronting so it's time to make a few more adjustments to keep my head game up. I've been super lazy these past couple of months on my personal self growth.

[Spiral]

One thing I've noticed very recently is that my productivity is becoming more steady and it's not as streaky. When it comes to business and being productive, I don't waste as much time as I used to. I am becoming much more patient as well.

I know BAMM is not for attracting women and overcoming love issues etc. but the OFSG is forcing me to face shit I need to face but it's scary as ever and physically tough to do. I havn't been this socially awkward in a long time and it's easy to make things a big deal when it comes to women. The voice in my head is very quiet but it seems to have a louder volume than my conscious voice does when it comes to being sociable and attracting ideal women and taking it to the next step. Maybe just just a plot twist. heh

AT LEAST I know what it feels like to "live in the moment" now and it's somewhat easy to keep it going these days.

[Spiral]

Fear keeps rearing it's ugly head but I'm becoming more comfortable confronting that fear. For example, tonight there was a latin dance social at the school I've been going to to learn how to dance. I didn't want to go because it was more of an improv class where you wouldn't really get to sit back and learn. It's funny though I actually thought that because I've had alot of fun in the classes and the teachers are real patient with me. Also, I'm pretty sure a couple of them like me. Anyways, I decided to go with the little knowledge that I had and just to see what it was like. Plus one of the owners/teachers invited me. It was another test for me and I beat it. Not gracefully but I did have fun and one of the more experienced students worked me through some longer moves that I had already forgotten. One of the teachers that likes me, and that I also like, taught me a new dance style. I think everybody enjoys my presence because I do enjoy there's. Even if I don't feel "on" all the time I fake it as best as I can just so I can feel it. so I can feel alive, that burning passion. So I punched fear in the face and I laughed at it

It really does feel good now to know I went to a dance social where they dance dances I'm just learning with little to no experience. I really like the environment and the people are non judgemental.

I was invited also by one of the other dance teachers who owns the place that next time they go to this night club where they have latin nights they would let me know. I'm committed for 6 more classes but I'm going to sign up for another 10. And maybe another 10 after that.

Shannon truly once again proved to me that he knows what the hell he's doing with writing his scripts. The moments where I can punch fear in the face even though it has me grappled to the floor are the moments I cherish now. Like I said, I wasn't going to go to the dance social tonight because I didn't really want to.. and in that moment I knew I had to. I know this has nothing to do with BAMM but maybe it does.

[Spiral]

Today is the last night of stage 5 for me! I don't have many words to describe my intense calm excitement.

[Spiral]

Stage 5 ended on a real rough note, but as I awoke this morning life felt much more calm and most of all easier. Stage 5 worked on alot of things including self sabotage and confidence. These are all areas that have lots of unfinished business and it hurt to realize this. I know I'm not perfect and I KNOW that I have alot of work to do before I can say I am the man I've always wanted to be, but just when I think the climb becomes easier it's still just as hard and challenging. I want to let go of control of all things outside of myself and I'm having a difficult time doing this which is making it hard for me to be attentive, calm and present minded. I am moving forward at a painfully slow pace and I'm beginning to be sick of this.

[Spiral]

I will remain grateful for my progress. I'm further along than the majority and no words can express my intense gratitude and love for that.

[Spiral]

Stage 6: 8/18/2013 - 9/18/2013
9/2/2013 <-- 16th day off

[Spiral]

BAMM is freakin' sneaky... and I surprise myself. You know, Andrew mentioned his ups and downs.. and personally from what I read of his posts I can't really see how someone like him could have ups and downs haha... he seems like someone who's all ups, but of course life is like a huge body of water to explore and everyone get's caught under a wave at times. That's all it is... sometimes there are storms and sometimes there are waves.. sometimes there are calm waters and bright sunny days. Life's very unpredictable but that doesn't mean to be afraid. There are sometimes big waves that can crash down on you and suffocate you.. but the bigger waves don't crash down and form fast like smaller waves. There's always different directions in life that you can take. All you have to do is choose. You can go the safe route, you can go the more exciting route, or you can head down the path that screams danger! (and for the sake of this post I'm assuming bigger waves take longer to form and crash than smaller waves; I'm not trying to be super scientific)

Stage 6 so far has been quite subtle but I've had lots of dreams relating to women and socialization. They've all ended on good points. As some of the veterans know here my biggest issues in the past were getting along with people and women in general. It was impossible for me to go out and find potential friends and let alone decide the ones I'd want to be friends with. But going to dance classes has changed everything and these changes will bleed over into the rest of my life. I'm body building now which is forcing me to pay very close attention to how I manage my time throughout the day. And I have a feeling that that's going to become a much more serious matter fairly soon when every single second of my day will be filled with all sorts of different activities. I'm out

[Spiral]

After what seemed like a death struggle... today is much more beautiful than any of the days I've ever been alive. Just because I have a sense of what's in store for the rest of my future. Sometimes I forget, but I'm always reminded one way or another.

[Spiral]

I'd like to add more detail to my last post. Alot of the little boy that was inside me has died and now I'm beginning to feel like I am starting to become that man I've envisioned myself becoming. The only way from here is up

[jonathan4all]

Hi Spiral,

I saw in a post that some of you play luminosity, I am interested, is this website where do you play: luminosity.com?

Larry aren't we talking about this one http://www.lumosity.com/ ?? my tiger sibling