Shannon's OF 5.75G Experience

[Shannon]

Had the first dream in a long time now that I remembered last night.  In it, I was attending a bridal shower (or something like that) that was being thrown by the woman I was going to marry... she "invited me" to it, along with a lot of her friends and family, all of whom knew me as the Groom To Be.  The oddities started piling up very quickly, though, because the woman I was going to marry turned out not to be my current girlfriend, but a crush from high school, who is now married and has two kids... in the dream, she was not married, and had no kids.  I haven't spoken to her in over 10 years now.  

Then, I was there with my current girlfriend, who was also my girlfriend in the dream.  I was somehow unable to figure out how to deal with this, and it made me uncomfortable.  It was as if I had no will of my own.  My girlfriend was very upset that I was marrying someone else, never mind that I had invited her.  I felt bad, but it seemed like a foregone decision that I could somehow do nothing about.

I was dressed in a very sharp tuxedo, all white with real gold trim.  Gold metal thread embroidery.  It looked way too sharp (and more than a little too tacky) for the occasion.  The woman I was going to marry was there in her wedding gown, with her flowers and veil.  But before I could go over and talk to her, she declared that she had to go party with some friends somewhere else, and left.  Within 3 minutes of my arrival, and that of the other guests.  WTF?

At this point in the dream, everyone in attendance is only there to be polite to the bride, who is clearly not being polite to any of us.  We are all there trying to make small talk, uneasily waiting for her to get back.

Then I find myself in a bedroom off the main reception area the gathering is being held in, and one of the bride's friends (who I dated in real life) is laying on the bed.  Somehow, she's wearing clothes and naked at the same time.  I sat down next to her and half jokingly asked if she was there to have sex with me, to which she replied in the negative.  The way she did it made me think she didn't want me there, so I left.

Then I went back to my girlfriend, who had taken a seat near the entry way where the guest book was.  There was a lit white candle burning next to the guest book.  I tried to talk to her, but she was crying because I was marrying someone else, and I felt terrible, but somehow it never crossed my mind to just break off this ridiculous wedding and leave with my girlfriend.  Again, looking back, it was as if I had no will of my own and no say in the matter.

After a while, people started leaving, and I asked one of the bride's parents where she was.  They told me they had no idea, they only knew what I knew.  As I'm getting ready to walk out, the bride to be she comes back in through the same door she left though - which was not the entryway door, but a door on the side of the room - and is happy and playful and giddy, but is ignoring everyone there.  I try to make my way over to her, but again, before I get there, she leaves - this time, to go upstairs and go to sleep, IIRC.  

At this point I suddenly find myself in my car driving away from the "whatever the hell that was I just attended", and I need to turn left at the second of three left turn options.  I get distracted by the effects of the railroad tracks I'm crossing and pass my turn, so I have to turn at the third street, which leads me way out of the area and then I spend several days driving home, because to turn around I have to drive straight for three states before I can turn around.  I am wondering what the hell is going on and why there is no way to turn, stop or do anything else, since this road passes through multiple major cities.  Then my dogs wake me up whining to go out.

Interesting dream, with an apparent theme of not being in control,  but I have no idea what any of it has to do with overcoming fear...

If I can...
Is it possible that back than you thought that you two will end up together?
Were you crazy in love with her?
Did she hurt you?
Back then ,have you made any promise to yourself or to the high school crush?

I'm not curious,those are questions to answer to yourself....

It could be possible that you were releasing or working on releasing "something" that subconsciously was blocking you in your current relationship, and as a result creating fear of something in present time and relationship?

I had it bad for her, but we never got far enough for me to think we would end up together, or get hurt by her.  

As I said earlier, I think it deals with a very young part of me trying to communicate that he doesn't know how to proceed because he can't be sure what is real and what is not based on what his experience was with the adults around him at the time.  They would sometimes be drunk, and sometimes be sober, and the world was very different in each case.  When they were sober, they would verify my senses were accurate; when they would get drunk, they would contradict the accuracy of my senses.  This left me lost and distrusting my own experience of "reality" because the people I was looking to to tell me if I was right gave me inconsistent and contradictory answers.  This would have been when I was 2-3-4 years old.

I think that part of me feels helpless because of that and is trying to communicate that he doesn't know how to do what the program is asking him to do as a result.  That's why there was no fear in the dream and nothing obviously relating to fear; it was simply communicating... "I don't know how to do what you're asking."

The nice thing is, even though the program was not designed specifically to deal with this sort of situation, the design should catch and correct this situation regardless because of the secondary interactions the script makes within itself.