Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 5

[Voytek]

Irrational indeed, since neither HIV nor AIDs causes pus filled nodules like the one you describe, and you already had something that it apparently came from before her rubbing it.  IIRC HIV takes several months of incubation to even be possible to detect.  The pus filled nodule likely was a cyst of some sort surrounding something infectious and she either squeezed something out of it or ruptured it while rubbing it, which caused the infection to start to spread, which resulted in a rapid development of a lot of pus until it ruptured and was cleaned out.  It could have started from an infected pore.  But HIV?  That seems pretty far fetched, and it also seems far fetched that you would have done all that research on HIV without realizing that.

Ultimately, you have two choices.  You either protect yourself or you play the lottery with your life.  Given your fearful response, it sounds to me like one part of you is terrified of getting HIV (and it should be), and the other part of you is just stupid.  Of course the head with which you are thinking to have unprotected sex with a woman who has that high a chance of being infected with HIV has no brain in it, so that explains the stupid.  I cannot say I have not done stupid things in the past when I was thinking with the wrong head.  Fortunately, I made it through unscathed, which is actually pretty amazing considering how many times I have been cheated on by my girlfriends.

If you don't do stupid things, you don't need to worry about contracting HIV from having done stupid things, do you.

When you're scared it's hard to realize anything and when you're having sex with a woman for the first time in your life and you trust her a bit you commit foliles. Anyways going back to DMSI. There might be one more reason DMSI is less effective for me. It seems to me it wants to get you right to the point and straight away and when I was young I used to meet women mainly for socializing with them and talking to them and I almost never thought about having sex with them (it's not a joke). Maybe a part of myself just needs to go through a socializing stage first before switching to the sexual one. I mean I need to like her at least a bit to be eager to have sex with her and if I didn't take a liking to her it's a NO-NO for me. That's one of the reasons I don't hire hookers.

WM used to lead me through that stage perfectly, I used to connect with women on social level very fast and then move to bed. Do you think DMSI might be lacking leading you through that social stage and forcing you to get straight to the point?

So basically you are afraid of disease and you are trying to run a program that is aimed squarely at sex first and foremost when you need something else.  The fear of disease, we can work on with the FRM.  The "DMSI isn't right for my needs" thing, can't do much about that.  Maybe you need to try something else.

And if you included the focus on that social stage wouldn't it help in attaining the ultimate goals? We all need sex it's only about the way we realize that need or maybe the way we get to the point of realizing that need. My way can be slightly different than other people ways but is it? Maybe most of us need going through that social stage... somewhere deep inside if not on conscious level. Ultimately we are social beings per se.

I think I'm not really afraid of getting infected, why should I when using protection, it's rather about using protection which is nit appealing since the feel of it while having sex is no really... satisfying