12-03-2012, 02:18 PM
My boss's admin stopped by my cube today. Like usual, this was a strafing run to test my waters. She chatted about various nonsubjects, and then as she's getting ready to leave, she says "Ow" and grabs her legs. Taking the bait out of habit, I ask if she did anything to them (because she said she had spent the weekend in bed with migraines).
"Dance class," she replies.
"What kind of dance?" I reply, taking the bait yet again, and I'm not proud of it.
She looks around, lowers her voice, and says, "Pole dancing." Then she starts excusing it, saying how much fun it is and how it's good exercise, and then about how she hurt her hands because she didn't bring any gymnasts chalk to the class.
The way I see it, she was qualifying herself to me, laying down a blatant item of proof that she's a sexual being (which is a big deal to her because she proclaimed to another coworker that she's not been asked out in three years), and it seemed like a clear invitation to make advances.
I have one good-and-somewhat-surprising realization from the conversation: In the past, I'd have jumped all over that third piece of bait ("please court me") like a starving beggar on a crust of bread. Instead, I listened to her talk without reaction, and then advised her to get a chalk ball from REI for her hands. Without a doubt, were this conversation to happen with a girl I do want to get to know better, I'd have had some witty replies about her changing career paths or telling her I have a bunch of homeless dollar bills available.
It's nice: a beta scarcity paradigm leads one to jump on every piece of bait out there, which tends to keep one only progressing with low-quality women. Contrariwise, an alpha abundance paradigm, one feels free to pick and choose among the various options, and when an attractive-but-crazypants woman puts it out there, there is no urge to jump on the offer.
I'm quite certain that even if she put all the right moves on me, there's no way a romp would happen: I know too well that it would end disasterously.
"Dance class," she replies.
"What kind of dance?" I reply, taking the bait yet again, and I'm not proud of it.
She looks around, lowers her voice, and says, "Pole dancing." Then she starts excusing it, saying how much fun it is and how it's good exercise, and then about how she hurt her hands because she didn't bring any gymnasts chalk to the class.
The way I see it, she was qualifying herself to me, laying down a blatant item of proof that she's a sexual being (which is a big deal to her because she proclaimed to another coworker that she's not been asked out in three years), and it seemed like a clear invitation to make advances.
I have one good-and-somewhat-surprising realization from the conversation: In the past, I'd have jumped all over that third piece of bait ("please court me") like a starving beggar on a crust of bread. Instead, I listened to her talk without reaction, and then advised her to get a chalk ball from REI for her hands. Without a doubt, were this conversation to happen with a girl I do want to get to know better, I'd have had some witty replies about her changing career paths or telling her I have a bunch of homeless dollar bills available.
It's nice: a beta scarcity paradigm leads one to jump on every piece of bait out there, which tends to keep one only progressing with low-quality women. Contrariwise, an alpha abundance paradigm, one feels free to pick and choose among the various options, and when an attractive-but-crazypants woman puts it out there, there is no urge to jump on the offer.
I'm quite certain that even if she put all the right moves on me, there's no way a romp would happen: I know too well that it would end disasterously.
Fear is a liar.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self. -- Ernest Hemingway
