OFV4 Special Case Use; Digging Deep

[Chris P. Bacon]

probably went overboard with loops as I wasnt sure where I left off 2 nights ago, feeling pretty tired and a little apathetic today. 1st day off tonight and I might take an extra one depending on how I feel at the end of the 3 days off.

Hey Chris, you have done all the OF's. What is the difference between OF v3 which is great and OF v4. Please explain?

I'm pretty sure I've ran all the OF versions from starting at 5.5G

OF3 didn't work the best for me. It cleared stuff up to a certain point and then I just stopped clearing and was only masking my fear until the end of my run. 

OF3 worked well but OF4 is actually working if that makes sense. It's still clearing things and working on my issues and I have yet to plateau. I can't say for certain yet but I believe this will be the first subliminal that I execute all the way through the run.

It hasn't been all that long though so we'll just have to wait and see, but so far this is the best OF by far. It's not something you can fully put into words, you'll have to experience it to understand. However, I personally think that there is one more iteration of OF left. Not sure if it's before or after 6G though. Leaning towards before personally.

[Chris P. Bacon]

The days off were really good. Clam demeanor, low tension and very relaxed.

Last night I think I had the volume too low and there is a little bit of unconscious tension in my body. For this version of OF I can really tell if I have the volume too high or too low. Or OF has really started hitting something deep and that's the underlying cause of the stress. We shall see.

In between the first and second day off, I feel like I really cleared something big as underlying stress in my body just vanished and for the next few days I was very relaxed. The part of me that stressed about time may have been dealt with. It's interesting that it happened on a day off because I usually assume the days on are the push to change and then the days off are for a little break so the subconscious doesn't burn out. A pleasant surprise indeed.

[Shannon]

Days off are to allow for full execution, and to prevent overload and burnout. It's necessary because of the incredible amount of brain power it takes now just to input, process and decode the audio. I have pushed the data density in 5.9G to the very limit of what physics currently allows to be done. In fact it now requires some special additional processing to correct for certain types of what you might call "drift", as a result of forcing so much data into a given amount of audio per unit of time. Time off is going to be useful, unless the subconscious is using it as a way to override the instructions. Then you may want to reduce the time off until that is overridden.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Days off are to allow for full execution, and to prevent overload and burnout.  It's necessary because of the incredible amount of brain power it takes now just to input, process and decode the audio.  I have pushed the data density in 5.9G to the very limit of what physics currently allows to be done.  In fact it now requires some special additional processing to correct for certain types of what you might call "drift", as a result of forcing so much data into a given amount of audio per unit of time.  Time off is going to be useful, unless the subconscious is using it as a way to override the instructions.  Then you may want to reduce the time off until that is overridden.

Thank you for the explanation. Days off use to be a source of unease for me and somewhat puzzled me as for certain parts of subs would only work on the days you played it. Now the days off are nice and I'm feeling very solid and not that much different than days on. Currently I'm on a 3 days on and 3 days off because the 4th day I would get TID from the on cycle so I reduced the days off by 1.

Every day I am feeling like more and more of me is willing to change and walk out of a fear-dominated life. I am interested to see what I'll be like in December after the full run and then what permanent changes come out of it.

[Chris P. Bacon]

My sense of time is changing. As a child I didn't have the best sense of time so my dad kind of drilled it into me. Most likely it was a stressful scenario for me that lasted well after the lesson was learned. I became decent at tracking time but it took quite a bit of effort and most likely some fear to do so. Last night I woke up and thought that it must be pretty close to the time my alarm goes off but then as I was laying in my bed I realized that I could still hear OF ultrasonic running. Now curious, I proceeded to get out of bed to check on what loop it was on. OF was only partway through loop 3 of 5. this kind of shocked me as even when wake up in the middle of the night I can kind of guess around what time it is. Also, when my alarm woke me up I stayed in bed a bit and had a half awake dream and came out of it thinking it must have been around a half hour after my alarm went off, it was only 13 minutes. Work also flew by very quickly today as well. On another sleep note, I may have to reduce the amount of melatonin I take before I go to bed. Whenever I take too much I get a "melatonin hangover". I've been at my current dose for over half a year and haven't experienced a melatonin hangover in all that time but for the past few days I have. In fact it may be a few years since I've experienced one for all I know.

I have been intentional about letting OF get into my head in a literal sense. I've been allowing or willing OF when it's on to go into the charka or whatever it is in the head and I can really feel it in there when I get the volume right; not too high or low.

Dreams continue and in this version of OF dreams seem to make much more of a difference on my waking self than other subs.

A few other things but it's too early to be sure on them so I'll be observing the changes and see if they stick around.

[Chris P. Bacon]

days off have been relatively stable and quiet. Not much to report.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Woke up yesterday morning tired and a little grumpy. I had a feeling that OF was hitting something deep but it was still a difficult day for me. However, whatever the issue was, was dealt with before the day ended. I've had resistance last days before so for it to be this short was welcome indeed. Last night I felt very light and happy and it's continuing today as well. Nice.

[Chris P. Bacon]

So last night was my first night off on my 3:3 cycle. The night before that, which was the last night of the "on" cycle, when I started playing the sub I felt my subconscious say it was tired as well as the preferred subliminal volume to be under the norm. I chalked it up to resistance and kept playing it and held the same volume as I usually do. As the night progressed I thought that it was possible that I might have to change my on/off cycle on the fly based on the needs of the moment if it wasn't resistance and that I would give it some time to play out and change if necessary. Yesterday was particularly hard from an emotional standpoint but it was unclear if it was resistance or fatigue so I continued to wait and see.

Today was a bit more difficult as the day went on and it's becoming a bit more clear that this is most likely resistance. I'm still not 100% but as the day went on the emotional turmoil has been increasing little by little and my exhaustion is high now. I still can't rule out that I exhausted myself but the turmoil points to resistance most likely.

So I most likely cleared some big fear in my life only to jump right to another one. Monday night cannot come fast enough.

[Chris P. Bacon]

The last 2 days got more difficult. I believe I went on break while OF was in the middle of clearing. I don't regret going on break but it was tough until the TID from OF hit on Monday night. Recently downloaded a sleep tracking app and was wondering about how accurate they are. This morning when I checked my sleep it showed that the first 4 hours of sleep were all light sleep. That's never happened before and I felt sleepy all day. I downloaded it on my days off and my light and deep sleep were about even on those days and 2 nights ago it was pretty even as well. I wonder if that indicates that I'm trying to resist something.

Still getting good things out of the power of now book. I keep re-reading or listening to it as it feels like it is very important for this time.

I must be hitting some deep stuff but OF is keeping up with it for the most part. Last night on is tonight, we'll see how I feel on the days off.

[Shannon]

Light sleep can be the result of high activity in the brain/mind interface.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Light sleep can be the result of high activity in the brain/mind interface.

Sounds about right. The night after it all cleared up and my sleep was about 2:1 deep sleep to light.

The last off cycle was pretty rough so I was worried about how this one would go. Last off cycle I felt almost like before I started OF4 which was not good and it really was discouraging to feel like that again. This off cycle is pretty nice so far.

I feel more in touch with my body, relaxed and happy. Music is particularly pleasant to listen to and I don't feel  dissociated or anything. Metabolism is good and had a physical day at work which always makes me feel better. 

Let's keep up this pace.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Days off were decent. Some light introspection revealed something to me. How encompassing the state of fear is, at least in my case. I gave it so much ground and let it take so much. Externally people are surprised when I talk about how much fear has encroached on my life so it must not be very visible externally, but I know it's there and how much ground it has in me.

In my case, fear became a state of being or something similar to one. It was something that was built upon layer by layer, year after year until it became such an entity or false state of being that it consumed much of my resources and fatigued me greatly, and still does. However, I finally am starting to see it for what it is and how it evolved into its current state. The state of fear produced fear and unwillingness to look directly at it for what it is and take responsibility for it. This unwillingness allowed it to grow and morph like a cancer in the darkness created by my unwillingness to allow whatever the present moment and/or pure consciousness is to shine a light on it and therefore destroy it. The fear created a fear of the present moment because that is where the pain was.

That fear of the pain in the present moment created a place for the same fear to grow and spread into all aspects of my life, assuming a false identity and running my life. This false identity created itself out of the past and future so as to feel like it legitimately exists but in reality isn't me at all. I'm not it and it's not me. This fear state hijacks the mind and causes so much damage to self and others out of fear that I don't think it's possible to tell of all the damage it has created over the course of human history. There is a brilliant but boring book called the master and his emissary that does a good job of it and the power of now brings an element of it as well.

Coming to grips with the fact that most of what I call my personality is built on a false foundation of fear that ultimately is not capable of maintaining itself, was an interesting realization. It didn't produce shame but a curiosity to explore who and what I really am.

While realizing this to be true, the power of the habit of this false self is going to take some unlearning before it finally leaves being the predominant state of being in my life. It won't happen overnight but that's ok because it's worth it to take the time to fully remove this from my life. There most likely is some Hell and dark nights of the soul to go through because of OF4 fast-tracking this process but I'll accept that price because I'm not sure I could go back to that unconscious fear-dominant state of being anymore. I believed that I have reached the limit of how much I could build that out and continue trying to live a normal life. The faulty foundation can take no more.

So I guess it's going to take a bunch of effort and a willingness to embrace the present to the full for me to undo this but the alternative is too bitter to continue tolerating. Either I put in the effort to be as conscious as I can be in evergrowing ability of the present moment or I become a pitiful and broken man running from himself.

Rocks seem to like hard places but ignoring this isn't possible anymore.

[Shannon]

Rather deep and insightful, and rather an extraordinary bit of self realization I think. You say OFv4 is fast tracking the process, but it is only moving at the pace you will do best with.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Rather deep and insightful, and rather an extraordinary bit of self realization I think.  You say OFv4 is fast tracking the process, but it is only moving at the pace you will do best with.

I see. I forgot that it adjusts to the pace the user can handle. Thank you for the reminder.

Now that you mention it, it is a rather deep realization and it's been something that has taken years to get to this point. Maybe the realization seemed quick, casual and somewhat fleeting but I wonder how long that reality was "waiting in the wings".

This realization brings forth another set of questions.
 
      1. Am I actually perceiving this correctly?
The unseen and somewhat intangible are always vague and without definite substance and putting it into words, an act of definitiveness and parsing out (especially in the English language) in an attempt to concretely define something to others seems like a task that is always doomed to be inadequate. Looking back at my post last night it seems a little jumbled as I was trying to describe what I was feeling but I'm not sure that I am even perceiving this correctly so I could be on to something as far as my internal state is concerned or I am not. If not then not only is my explanation wrong but so is the whole premise; a double deviation. That could derail me for years if I confidently believe my perception to be correct and take action from that place. If you travel towards a destination and are off by one degree, then the error becomes worse the farther you go. While I felt confident in what I felt and my rudimentary explanation I must take time to consider the truth of it all.

      2. If I am correct then how many people have built their life around fear?
This will take observation and time to arrive at any conclusion, but the implications are staggering. How many people are in a generally unconscious state of fear that isn't even really them as a person? 

      3. Who really is any person then?
Fear is rooted in every person to some degree. If I was willing and able to build a lot of my personality around fear then who else is like that and who are they really? Who is any one person? What are they really like? If fear can be so all-encompassing then what does it look like to remove it? What do we look like if we remove it?

      4. Will OF4 be able to remove it completely or will it creep back in after I am done with it?
This could be my biggest concern. If I live in a state of progressing fearlessness while on OF4 but it doesn't fully stick then what? I can do nothing about it so I'll just watch but it is a concern and ironically possibly a fear of mine at present.

These are just what comes to mind but the irony is that these all could possibly be fear-based questions. Having such a large part of your existence be unmasked as fear really brings a lot of things into question. Most likely I'll have my answers about myself with time so patience will be key but for now, this realization brought more questions than answers.

In other news, I had light sleep last night, as it was my first night on again. This pattern seems pretty established at this point. The first day back on is a slightly turbulent day on OF and today is no exception. 

I am deriving less and less enjoyment from the habits and ways I seek pleasure. This has been going on before OF and it could be a brain issue or it could be that I truly have lost the sense of enjoyment from them due to the increase of fear hijacking everything and turning it into avoidance and coping. It feels like the latter to me but who knows. The part of me that avoids the present and retreats further into the mind also seems like the part that tries to resist subs but that's more of a theory than anything concrete to me.

OF is still working but some deep fears are getting worked on. It's hard but stopping won't fix anything so on we go.