Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Natious]

Thought I'd write today.
Been an interesting period of my life these recent months, I have been more lost than ever and I've felt nothing but lost and alone for most of my life. But at the same time I am starting to find myself and see new ways to actually start living my life. It's too early to say exactly what it is that I'll be doing in the future or even by the new year, but depending how much I'll be putting into my self growth the returns are bound to be 2 fold, especially since I'm starting to find what I've been looking for a long time of my life, but never really found the whole of it.

I am feeling different about women than I did before, I think I was scared to be even remotely close to one, or to people in general including my family. Being bullied and depending on the toll it takes on you can really help you start some horrible beliefs about the world and people in it. Glad I have managed to shine some light on it. These things are changing now, I am still a bit uncomfortable staying close to people, but I won't do stupid things to push them away, I just place some boundaries and if they understand, it would be nothing but beneficial for both of us. In the past, I wouldn't set boundaries out in the open, but leave them in my mind and if someone were to overstep them, I'd hate them secretly and act in an unwelcome way.

I remember someone recommending (quite certain it was adam) that I pick up the things that made me feel alive in the past and by god were you right. There's a different understanding and that's probably why I can go and do them again. Why I was hesitant at first was because I didn't really know how to handle negative beliefs and those connections to events that brought up all the shit from the past, so I'd just shove them back inside or ignore them and I suppose I eventually lost track of my "destination" that I wanted to reach which resulted in me beating myself up for not being able to do the thing I was supposed to be doing temporarily as a learning experience in the first place. I also told everyone that I was setting huge goals for myself in that specific career, although what was really going on is that I was thinking about my true calling, but ignoring it at the same time.

My depression has almost disappeared in the past few days. There's a little sadness, but my sleep regimen is back to normal, I have started to lift some weights again.

There's one specific idea that keeps me enjoying life. It's that if you keep doing the things that most excite you every moment, everything will work out. And not only work out, you'll attract all the things that you want to yourself.