09-28-2014, 06:59 AM
I thought I'd write a bit more about my past since there seems to be an urge to do so and to get a better understanding why I'm in such a rut. In the future I can use this for a better examination (I also posted this on another forum).
I grew up in a religious family of 6 with no real responsibilities. Since I was a kid pretty much from the start I can remember that my parents were depressed. That religious programming was never explained to me properly so I started thinking that all violence is bad and have had problems since standing up for myself and with the opposite sex. I didn't really have any boundaries or big obligations as a kid and could very easily not go to the school without my parents saying anything. I didn't do the things kids mostly do, not because my parents would punish me for it but I somehow felt ashamed and some guilt all the time. I didn't ever stand up to my bullies so I'm still trying to figure out how to stand up for myself. When I first saw a computer it sort of became my hiding place where I would play video games all the time. Some months I would go to school 1/2 days a week and the rest I would pretend that I was sick and then go play behind my pc. My parents still live together but I'm not close to them really.
On the financial side my parents have been living in debt their whole lives. If there's a bit more money to spend they spend it all. Credit cards are often overdrawn and in general no financial responsibility. Also they both have been drinking a lot since I first remember.
This wasn't meant as a victim post or anything, rather than telling some truth for once. I usually don't say anything like this and to think of it would be the first time I mention some of these. I just want to get an honest start to a better life.
Wow, honestly writing this made me a bit emotional. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I feel like I've had a bad childhood and this is the first time I take a good look at it. I guess in order to let my negativity dissolve I have to accept it and understand it and there's a lot of it.
I grew up in a religious family of 6 with no real responsibilities. Since I was a kid pretty much from the start I can remember that my parents were depressed. That religious programming was never explained to me properly so I started thinking that all violence is bad and have had problems since standing up for myself and with the opposite sex. I didn't really have any boundaries or big obligations as a kid and could very easily not go to the school without my parents saying anything. I didn't do the things kids mostly do, not because my parents would punish me for it but I somehow felt ashamed and some guilt all the time. I didn't ever stand up to my bullies so I'm still trying to figure out how to stand up for myself. When I first saw a computer it sort of became my hiding place where I would play video games all the time. Some months I would go to school 1/2 days a week and the rest I would pretend that I was sick and then go play behind my pc. My parents still live together but I'm not close to them really.
On the financial side my parents have been living in debt their whole lives. If there's a bit more money to spend they spend it all. Credit cards are often overdrawn and in general no financial responsibility. Also they both have been drinking a lot since I first remember.
This wasn't meant as a victim post or anything, rather than telling some truth for once. I usually don't say anything like this and to think of it would be the first time I mention some of these. I just want to get an honest start to a better life.
Wow, honestly writing this made me a bit emotional. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I feel like I've had a bad childhood and this is the first time I take a good look at it. I guess in order to let my negativity dissolve I have to accept it and understand it and there's a lot of it.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
