Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Natious]

Stage 2 day 1:
I thought I'd wait a week and then post but it's been an interesting reflection so far. My dreams have changed and are becoming really intriguing again. Saw a lot of war again and death. I saw that I died and then I woke up in future 35 years later or so. My old house was completely remodeled, was surprised that my subconscious can be such an awesome decorator and an architect. In the war I was an important person and knew how to manipulate people. I think I also had to assassinate people.

I was thinking about my inconsistency in life. I used to attend school inconsistently and also my grades were up and down. When I worked in sales I was incredibly inconsistent, could do no sales for days and then do double the sales for the day that anyone else did. Even in computer games I'm inconsistent, I can be bored and anxious while playing and then I perform on my low, then suddenly I forget all that and don't care anymore, just good energy and can play like a god. And not to forget social settings, I can be shut off completely and not make much of a conversation and be a natural talker and make myself appeal to women, not a long time ago one told me that putting sperm and pee on your face can be good for the skin to which I answered "hmm, interesting", then she went on to ask me if I was willing to try and I guess by saying no I kind of blocked the flow to the conversation.
I know that the 4 are related and if I can figure out how to become consistent in one, I can carry that over to other areas of my life. I've noticed that when there has been incidents that make me feel any kind of negative emotion and I don't know how to respond to that I go to a lower state. Like when being bullied, someone makes a stupid remark or in general I feel like a lowest wheel in the group.

The thing explained is probably something called being in the flow that Csíkszentmihályi has researched. And although I agree on some of his work I don't agree on it being dependent on the outside circumstance. I believe that if I would know myself enough I could master this and choose whether I want to be in the flow or not.
Probably becoming more confident, having higher self-esteem, setting my mind on positive self talk and learn not to force anything so I wouldn't feel this anxious lump in the pit of my stomach could help me become more like a river and flow better. Mihály explains the conditions for the flow to be internal and external, but I'm sure it can be achieved by tuning your internal/mental settings right and then letting it go/flow and not resisting/forcing anything.

I've noticed this a lot in people that can consistently do outstanding and almost impossible things. Like the movies Amadeus or Casanova, both really seem to be flowing with the life and not set blocks and dams with fear/anxiety and other negative emotions and they do it by not even knowing why or how.
So far that's what I've got, I find this extremely exciting to understand.

I have a very strong feeling that AM can be an incredible tool for this. Also I hate the feeling of always being so close, like the answer is right there and everything will click, but just can't get there.