Day 31: So I'm pretty much done with the first stage.
The first stage wasn't very pleasant, it literally felt like it stripped me of all the defenses (they were rather illogical defenses that didn't actually help at all, I guess my subconscious had picked them up somehow) I had on me to protect me from all kinds of situations. I guess it would've been worse if I didn't run asc and eprha first. The recent week or 2, my dreams have been more related to the daily events from the previous day and mostly they have been quite cool, sometimes rather brutal.
I don't know if the sub had anything to do with it but at some point I had a manic episode after having consumed a lot of alcohol, and I mean a lot. That event was a blessing rather than a curse since I have made a decision to quit alcohol for life.
I haven't really been out socializing past month and can't say I feel any different when I do go out for the daily affairs.
A lot of fears have surfaced past this month. My anger is almost uncontrollable, I don't go lashing out on people, but I get angry and frustrated very quick. I also go back to a rather relaxed state quite quick if I drop the thing that made me angry. Not sure what is going on with that.
I've been doing 12h a day on this sub and I sleep 8-12h a day, really tired most of the time. Used https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...edit#gid=0
Although all of these fears and insecurities have surfaced and seem closer than ever, it feels kind of better and more real, like they are no longer that deep out of reach. Hard to explain really, it's like I feel more connected to life and myself even though it's much harder to cope with all of what's happening.
The first stage wasn't very pleasant, it literally felt like it stripped me of all the defenses (they were rather illogical defenses that didn't actually help at all, I guess my subconscious had picked them up somehow) I had on me to protect me from all kinds of situations. I guess it would've been worse if I didn't run asc and eprha first. The recent week or 2, my dreams have been more related to the daily events from the previous day and mostly they have been quite cool, sometimes rather brutal.
I don't know if the sub had anything to do with it but at some point I had a manic episode after having consumed a lot of alcohol, and I mean a lot. That event was a blessing rather than a curse since I have made a decision to quit alcohol for life.
I haven't really been out socializing past month and can't say I feel any different when I do go out for the daily affairs.
A lot of fears have surfaced past this month. My anger is almost uncontrollable, I don't go lashing out on people, but I get angry and frustrated very quick. I also go back to a rather relaxed state quite quick if I drop the thing that made me angry. Not sure what is going on with that.
I've been doing 12h a day on this sub and I sleep 8-12h a day, really tired most of the time. Used https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...edit#gid=0
Although all of these fears and insecurities have surfaced and seem closer than ever, it feels kind of better and more real, like they are no longer that deep out of reach. Hard to explain really, it's like I feel more connected to life and myself even though it's much harder to cope with all of what's happening.
INFP-T
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
"If you dont work on shedding your emotional and spiritual baggage and egoic nature, then you are still a dead weight in society.. offering nothing.." - Anonymous
