Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Natious]

When I started going out socializing, I was really bad with social anxiety. It was very tempting to "have a couple of beers" and then go about my business. But over time, I noticed that, while I really enjoyed socializing, I did not really enjoy the effects, costs and side effects of alcohol. For me, it's impossible to know what any particular type will do until I have basically run the gamut of screw ups with it, and by this I mean, it's not just "beer" to my body, or "Budweiser beer". (I hate Bud, but it's the first thing hat comes to mind.) It's "Budweiser Ultra Black Label, Batch 2 billion and six". Which means I am forever either drinking the same exact thing (I used to drink Souza Gold, 2 shots; kind of boring after a while) or I am forever making an ass of myself trying to figure out what this new variant does to me.

Eventually I decided, this is stupid. I would have more fun without alcohol, and without sitting on the hood of my car waiting to sober up because five people bought me a drink, and without hiding from fears instead of facing them, if I just put my foot down and stopped drinking.

So, I stopped drinking. And that coupled with the last of my social anxiety made going out really hard at first, but I was compelled. It helped a lot to have a friend who was a trivia caller, and I would go see him and play trivia and eat... over time, I got comfortable with that and started going to different places. And over time I got myself comfortable with those and branched out more. And more, and more...

Now, almost every restauraunt and bar where I live knows me, and they not just know me, they like me. I regularly hear them saying, "Hey, come in more often, we miss you." This from the guys and the women who work there, because they enjoy the conversations and laughs they have with me.

The key for me was to go in and sit at the bar and order food and drink, and just enjoy the atmosphere. You don't have to talk. Someone will often start talking to you. And if they have trivia, go play that. I play trivia by myself a lot, and people have come to know me as "Team Ultra, that guy over there by himself who always comes in fourth place" (against teams of 12 people and such). Team Ultra doesn't often win, but you know what? We have a good time, and that's what we're there for. :-)

Have a good time for yourself. Enjoy the presence of those people around you, even if you are not yet ready to enjoy their company directly. It's a growth process, and as you become more comfortable with it over time, you'll become more familiar with how to socialize without alcohol, and those people who are regulars of the location will become familiar enough and comfortable enough with you that they may start conversations. I got started getting to know the bartenders, and then that led to people interjecting into my conversations with them, and then starting conversations with those people hat way, and then other people would join in and so forth.

AM6 is a great way to overcome this issue. Alcohol isn't necessary to have a good time. It just takes some time to get used to walking in and not drinking. But you'll get there. :-) And you'll probably avoid a lot of expense, fights, and self-made assininity in the process.

Congrats on your decision to stop relying on alcohol for social courage.

Didn't know that about you, thanks for the inspiring story. I am not sure how much action I will take which is something that might stop me from getting the full benefits, but I guess the choice to take action comes with time in my case so AM can be the guide to help me get clearer on things.

Was also thinking of maybe some day taking up some sort of martial art since I'm always afraid to be confronted by other aggressive males and then feel really insecure for a long time. I guess something I haven't completely faced after having been bullied in the past. Absolutely critical that I deal with this problem if I don't want to feel like submitting to everyone trying to take control.

Ricardo, I used to go out for coffee in England, but where I live I have some deeper emotional scars about a type of people that live here. Always rather avoid going out to not experience any type of situations that make me want to beat the shit out of someone.