My Emotional Healing Journey

[Why So Serious?]

Hello,

I started using this 14 days ago and what happened was mind blowing.
At day 10 I was feeling down and went to the car to cry. I realized that I couldn't do anything about my grandmothers suffering before she died.
I shouldn't have been me in her place. Stuff like that happens and you just learn to accept it. That doesn't mean I won't get sad whenever I think about it. I have the right to be sad, but I shouldn't be twisting that situation around wishing it was me.

When that happened I realized that I am responsible for my own emotions. I should be waiting around for people to ask if I'm okay or to have pity parties either. This means that other people should be responsible theirs. I can't make another person happy that is up to them. I'm not worried about other peoples problems at all. Now if they want my help that's fine just speak up I might help. Don't expect me to be mind reader and automatically expect that I know something is wrong.

It's okay to feel bad and admit that everything is not okay. I can't pretend everything is okay 24/7. It's okay to feel pain sometimes and show emotion. Progress doesn't happen when you "pretend" everything is alright. I'm still having problems with showing emotions but I'm pretty sure I can fix that in the near future.

After day 10

I have been a little bit more (grounded, centered) lately. Been giving people more hugs which is very unusual for me.

I'm starting to realize that I'm not as boring as I thought I was. I can be pretty entertaining to be around.

I don't have health issues as bad as Stephen Hawking, but being slow and forgetful makes you wonder if someone will ever want to put up with those shortcomings for a long period of time. I don't know I had the thought appear in my head that If Stephen Hawking can find love so can I.

Body image is improving a little. Still need to exercise though

I feel like my brain is balancing out. Like I'm using a bit more logic when making decisions and less emotion.

So far so good. I have made a little progress. I still have a long way to go but so far I'm impressed.

[Why So Serious?]

Day 27

I'm going to have to add a couple more days of listening since I missed some days. On accident of course.

I'm starting to become more honest with myself and I know that I can't stand my job. There have been a few issues there that make me upset. The people I work with make it interesting but it isn't enough. It's time time to move on.

I don't know if this has anything to do with the Emotional Healing part, but lately I have been looking in the mirror trying to figure out who this beautiful person is staring back at me. I know it sounds well....... dumb but for the first time ever I think I'm beautiful. It's like who is this person and where have you been hiding. Never thought that would happen. (I don't mean it a conceited way.) It's kind of hard to explain without sounding like I'm full of myself.

Still feeling centered. It gets stronger as time passes.

Giving family members a little a peak of what is going on in my head. For some odd reason I have always been really secretive. That probably has something to do with rejection. It could some other issues as well. I'll figure it out in the future.

A few days ago I made a decision that was based on emotion that I kind of regret. I'm still debating on whether I want to change it though considering that this is something that I need to do anyway. I just feel that it can go horribly wrong but this may be the push I need to get started.

[Benjamin]

Nice, it sounds like feeling like you are beautiful in the mirror is a part of the emotional healing and learning to get validation from yourself. That's an awesome result.

-Ben

[Why So Serious?]

Nice, it sounds like feeling like you are beautiful in the mirror is a part of the emotional healing and learning to get validation from yourself. That's an awesome result.

-Ben

Thanks Ben! I didn't get that when I first read your comment but now I get it.

Day 36

A month has passed since listening to the sub and the results I got are pretty good so far. It wasn't quite what I was expecting but I'm not complaining I do like what I'm seeing.

One of the things I have noticed is that I don't spend any time thinking about the past. I still remember stuff from the past but it really doesn't effect me now. All of those bad decisions and things that happened don't effect what is happening right now. I thought it was impossible to let go or that everyone was lying about it but now I know it is possible.

I'm getting compliments about how beautiful I look and I swear I haven't done anything differently.

I went to a party and actually had fun socializing. After a few drinks of course but it was still pretty fun.

It's kind of weird though the last couple of nights I have been going to bed with a disgusted feeling. It happened later on today at work as well. I just wanted to scream and cry for some reason. It's just unfortunate I can't figure out why at the moment.

I can't wait to see what else is in store for me as I continue listening.

[Benjamin]

Thanks Ben! I didn't get that when I first read your comment but now I get it.

The other thing that pops into my head is that we've all been told not to be 'full of ourselves' or 'that person loves themselves' so we're made to feel bad for stuff like this. That is bullshit, why not feel good about yourself.. anyone who talks down on that obviously doesn't feel like that about themselves.

I'm getting compliments about how beautiful I look and I swear I haven't done anything differently.

It probably means something has shifted internally. You probably know some people who are technically physically 'beautiful' but something with their energy or how they are is a turn off, then there are others who are not as attractive physically but are attractive because of their energy and how they present themselves.

So some of it is internal.

It's like usually when i'm feeling really crap, anxious, needy or whatever I don't really get much attention from women. But times when i'm feeling happy, confident, relaxed and just don't care I get more interest like smiling from women and such.

If you transform something internally people pick it up on the outside.

-Ben

[Why So Serious?]

Thanks Ben! I didn't get that when I first read your comment but now I get it.

The other thing that pops into my head is that we've all been told not to be 'full of ourselves' or 'that person loves themselves' so we're made to feel bad for stuff like this. That is *****, why not feel good about yourself.. anyone who talks down on that obviously doesn't feel like that about themselves.

I'm getting compliments about how beautiful I look and I swear I haven't done anything differently.

It probably means something has shifted internally. You probably know some people who are technically physically 'beautiful' but something with their energy or how they are is a turn off, then there are others who are not as attractive physically but are attractive because of their energy and how they present themselves.

So some of it is internal.

It's like usually when i'm feeling really crap, anxious, needy or whatever I don't really get much attention from women. But times when i'm feeling happy, confident, relaxed and just don't care I get more interest like smiling from women and such.

If you transform something internally people pick it up on the outside.

-Ben

Are you saying that I'm not physically attractive?
I get what you are saying here. I have had people who are more attractive than me(well at least I think they are) like I was some kind of threat. Hmm.... makes me wonder what else people can pick up on internally.

Oh and the quote about not being full of yourself really hit home. Nobody told me personally but it is something that I picked from others.

[Benjamin]

Hahaha I have no idea... because you're only text right now.

Interesting people looking at you like you're some kind of threat, may be that you are becoming stronger internally and that's a threat to them because they are missing that.

-Ben

[Why So Serious?]

Hahaha I have no idea... because you're only text right now.

Interesting people looking at you like you're some kind of threat, may be that you are becoming stronger internally and that's a threat to them because they are missing that.

-Ben

My text is ugly now? Okay I'll stop and once again you make an interesting point.

Day 41

It's getting kind of rough. For the last couple of days I have wanted to give up listening to sub and move to other subs like Life Tune Up and Alpha Female. I think it's just resistance and will continue listening.

Lately I feel like I'm being too self-centered. Well, might as well say selfish. I haven't done anything but think about myself and have put others needs second unless I think it is worth looking into. I'm more focused on getting my own stuff together. I just feel like I should care about what's going on with family and friends. Not feel like I don't have a heart or soul. This feeling is annoying. :@ I just don't know what to do right now.

I feel like I'm changing into a completely different person. I first I was on board but now I'm not to sure. I want to be more social and have fun. That is something I thought I wouldn't want to do but I guess that is changing.

As I said earlier I have no clue what is going on right now. I'm confused but will keep listening. Let's see where this leads.

P.S. I hope what I said makes sense. I am really emotional right now

[JackOfHearts]

I have that feeling too sometimes, like I'm selfish. Is it good or bad? I depends on who you are and what your behavior used to be. For example if people was walking over you and treating you with no respect whereas you are helping them it's better to now focus more on yourself.

And based on what I have seen on your birth chart I can bet people abuse of your kindness. I will update my report because I didn't know you were a woman

Keep going with that sub, it's removing your inner demons.

[Why So Serious?]

I have that feeling too sometimes, like I'm selfish. Is it good or bad? I depends on who you are and what your behavior used to be. For example if people was walking over you and treating you with no respect whereas you are helping them it's better to now focus more on yourself.

And based on what I have seen on your birth chart I can bet people abuse of your kindness. I will update my report because I didn't know you were a woman

Keep going with that sub, it's removing your inner demons.

Yes people do abuse the kindness. And no problem it was an honest mistake.

Day 43

For some odd reason it feels like I have regressed instead of making improvements. I kind of feel like I did when I started the subs. Minus the maturity.

Also a person started work last week. I instantly thought that I looked better than her. It feels like I'm becoming full of myself but maybe that is what it's like to have confidence.

I don't know what's happening but I will continue to listen.

[Benjamin]

My text is ugly now? Tongue Okay I'll stop and once again you make an interesting point.

Hahaha I nearly spat out my coffee laughing at that.

The feelings of wanting to give up and use another program, of feeling like you have regressed etc is a good sign it's working. Your mind is like "oh shit you found something that is working and i'm uncomfortable so i'm going to convince you it isn't working so you stop and go back to your comfort zone".

I can say this so easily and comfortably observing it in somebody else, but in myself even after all this time and knowing about it.. my mind is still clever enough to convince me at times. It's a pretty interesting mechanism, i've noticed that for me initially it might be more intense emotions and when my mind realizes 'oh that isn't stopping him' then it will be something more subtle but more effective like 'oh i'm bored.. oh it isn't working' etc.

-Ben

[Tao374]

I agree the mind will find anyway it can to resist change, it's not usually your friend. I find I have the biggest breakthroughs in life when I go against everything I logically believe in. Good luck with your journey, I will be reading for I'm also using the same sub.

[JackOfHearts]

I considered it my friend, a lovely friend who like to joke with me sometimes. We share some good laugh.

[Why So Serious?]

My text is ugly now? Tongue Okay I'll stop and once again you make an interesting point.

Hahaha I nearly spat out my coffee laughing at that.

The feelings of wanting to give up and use another program, of feeling like you have regressed etc is a good sign it's working. Your mind is like "oh shit you found something that is working and i'm uncomfortable so i'm going to convince you it isn't working so you stop and go back to your comfort zone".

I can say this so easily and comfortably observing it in somebody else, but in myself even after all this time and knowing about it.. my mind is still clever enough to convince me at times. It's a pretty interesting mechanism, i've noticed that for me initially it might be more intense emotions and when my mind realizes 'oh that isn't stopping him' then it will be something more subtle but more effective like 'oh i'm bored.. oh it isn't working' etc.

-Ben

Glad I can make you laugh.

I'm also glad that everything is still working.For a moment I really was going to give it all up. I still feel like doing that unfortunately. How long is this going to last?

My subconscious needs to suck it up and give up because I'm still going to listen to this