Mojam's E2 Journal

[mojamhaque]

Again Shannon reduced my listening loop. First of all it was 12-13 loops in a day. Then Shannon advised me to listen 8 loops in a day. Now considering my current situation he advised me to expose 1-2 loops in a day.

[Zane]

Again Shannon reduced my listening loop. First of all it was 12-13 loops in a day. Then Shannon advised me to listen 8 loops in a day. Now considering my current situation he advised me to expose 1-2 loops in a day.

Everything takes time. You just can't force ur mind to heal. Gradually increase the loop and ur mind adapts.

What u can do is that u can increase one loop every week and see how it affects u.
If it makes u tired and frustrated then decrease. Also make sure volume is on comfortable level.

[mojamhaque]

Again Shannon reduced my listening loop. First of all it was 12-13 loops in a day. Then Shannon advised me to listen 8 loops in a day. Now considering my current situation he advised me to expose 1-2 loops in a day.

Everything takes time. You just can't force ur mind to heal. Gradually increase the loop and ur mind adapts.

What u can do is that u can increase one loop every week and see how it affects u.
If it makes u tired and frustrated then decrease. Also make sure volume is on comfortable level.

Hmm Zane. That's great and I have no hurry. I am happy to see that Shannon takes care on my emotional states and instructed according to the situation. Shannon also allowed me to read motivational books and watch motivational videos. So I started reading book "You Can Win" and selected "Legally Blonde" as the first motivational movie that I will enjoy tonight.

Yes this week I'll listen 2 loop / day ... then 3 loop / day (according to improvement)... then 4 loop / day (according to improvement)..... this way I'll increase my listening

[mojamhaque]

Date- 08/06/2017
Day-07
Total Listened Hour- 02 hours
According to the instruction of Shannon I reduced my listening time. Now I'm listening 02 loops in a day. Next one week I'll listen 2 loops in a day. Then based on the condition I'll improve my listening time.

Today is my holiday. Had a big sleep. Almost 14 hours sound sleep. Just wake up from from the sleep and sat down for writing my today's journal. Everything seems fine except my mental un-stability. Though I carried them from the very beginning of my life may be they will take some times to left me ha ha ha. Let's see what's going to happen with me in next...

[Daredevil]

I have been running E2 for 460 days and I am now hitting rock bottom. Actually i am coming out of rock bottom. I have a deep fear of being powerful and this shows up in me not being assertive even though I am a big guy. I keep on having a dream of my house being robbed in the night and that someone is outside the house in my yard who is going to climb up to my window and do harm. I researched break in dream and i found this.

From the Stanford Website page on Nightmares

"We sometimes dream of someone trying to break into our home. This is often an inner psychological figure who may represent some shameful or unwanted part of ourself who is breaking into our consciousness. It is about to break into our awareness and then we will have to confront this unwanted aspect of ourself. The purpose of this figure seems to be to reflect all the worst aspects of our character so that we may become more fully conscious of those traits and accept these unwanted but vitally necessary parts of ourself. These aspects are often quite evident to those whom we live with or know us well but are hidden from our own conscious opinion of ourself and thus will appear alien and scary to us in our dreams. The intruder in the dream may represent some awareness or insight that is about to break through into our consciousness. It appears scary because it is unknown what demands it will make on us but it actually should be welcomed into our psychological house because it brings with it a gift of self awareness. Every aspect of the dream represents some part of ourself. The intruder in the dream represents some part of ourself that we have kept outside our awareness for too long and now needs to be let in. It may represent a feeling or attitude that we need to be more conscious of."

This is telling me that one of the split of fragments in my psyche is trying to come home back into my mind from the unconscious and I am deathly afraid of it. And it is true. I am afraid of unleashing my power and even though I have a plan that I have no excuses not to complete, I find ways to sedate myself through Porn and TV shows not to do it. I have 571 days left for my E2 run and i feel that this is a time where I am laying down the foundation and clearing earth in order to create a new me.

[mojamhaque]

Date- 09/06/2017
Day-08
Total Listened Hour- 02 hours
Had a nice night. Bangladesh won against New Zealand in ICC Champions Trophy. Enjoyed that match and victory. After that match when I went to sleep it was almost 3 AM in my country. Seems Cardiff is lucky venue for us. We beaten Australia at 2005 in this venue and now New Zealand. What a match. Our Hero Shakib and Mahmudullah played awesome finally we defeated New Zealand. In my bed I just thought about this win.

Often some fearful dreams comes to one. Some of them's patterns are as follows-
1. Attend in some exam and I can't properly answer the questions. That's why I will be fail and for that reason I feel very nervous.
2. See some senior of my office/society and I really feel fear to meet them.
3. Lack of money in my pocket and I feel fear what will happen in next.
4. Some known and unknown Tombs seems very fearful
5. I'm on a boat inside a big river and there are huge storms in the river. Anytime the boat can fall inside the water. It is also very fearful for me.
6. Someone very fearful run away behind me. I am also running but can't go ahead. This is also very fearful for me.

Dreams patterns are similar but situation are quite different.

To night I saw the second one. Still I have the fearful feeling of that dream.
Why such types of fearful dreams comes to me? Shall they be remove after listening of E2 for 3 months? I just want to get rid from those dreams.

[mojamhaque]

Day-09 and Day-10
Fear of death is just killing me. Always this fear covers me. Heart and soul trying to remove the fear from my mind. But after some times it again comes to my mind. I am in very nervous situation. Have to ask Shannon about this issue.

Due to this fear failed to observe other conditions of my mind.

[mojamhaque]

Date: 12.06.2017
Day: 11
Listened Hour: 03 hours
Yet not resolved the problem of Fear of Death. Asked to Shannon regarding the issue and what he told is as follows-

Okay. So then here is what is happening.

You started off doing a lot of loops, and it was too much. So you cut it down and it was still too much. Now you're down to where you really should have started, and the emotional shielding from 2 loops can't handle the fallout from doing too many loops. You are still processing the effects of doing too many loops, but the emotional shield is designed to match the loops you do, so you're effectively processing 8+ loops of grief residually, but getting 2 loops of shielding.

He also advised me to increasing my listening loop as follows-

Okay, so here's your options then.

When it gets bad, do more loops per day. That will give you more emotional shielding, and speed up the processing of the issues it is clearing.

So next time it gets bad, try 3 loops on that day and see what happens. If 3 is not enough, try 4, etc.

When you find the balance point between processing and shielding, stick with it.

The fear is quite mysterious. It comes when I am in my office and left me when I am in my residence...

Anyway let's see what's going to happening

[mojamhaque]

I have been running E2 for 460 days and I am now hitting rock bottom. Actually i am coming out of rock bottom. I have a deep fear of being powerful and this shows up in me not being assertive even though I am a big guy. I keep on having a dream of my house being robbed in the night and that someone is outside the house in my yard who is going to climb up to my window and do harm. I researched break in dream and i found this.

From the Stanford Website page on Nightmares

"We sometimes dream of someone trying to break into our home. This is often an inner psychological figure who may represent some shameful or unwanted part of ourself who is breaking into our consciousness. It is about to break into our awareness and then we will have to confront this unwanted aspect of ourself. The purpose of this figure seems to be to reflect all the worst aspects of our character so that we may become more fully conscious of those traits and accept these unwanted but vitally necessary parts of ourself. These aspects are often quite evident to those whom we live with or know us well but are hidden from our own conscious opinion of ourself and thus will appear alien and scary to us in our dreams. The intruder in the dream may represent some awareness or insight that is about to break through into our consciousness. It appears scary because it is unknown what demands it will make on us but it actually should be welcomed into our psychological house because it brings with it a gift of self awareness. Every aspect of the dream represents some part of ourself. The intruder in the dream represents some part of ourself that we have kept outside our awareness for too long and now needs to be let in. It may represent a feeling or attitude that we need to be more conscious of."

This is telling me that one of the split of fragments in my psyche is trying to come home back into my mind from the unconscious and I am deathly afraid of it. And it is true. I am afraid of unleashing my power and even though I have a plan that I have no excuses not to complete, I find ways to sedate myself through Porn and TV shows not to do it. I have 571 days left for my E2 run and i feel that this is a time where I am laying down the foundation and clearing earth in order to create a new me.

Hello
Thanks for reading and commenting in my Journal. How much time did you required for notice your change?

[Zane]

Date: 12.06.2017
Day: 11
Listened Hour: 03 hours
Yet not resolved the problem of Fear of Death. Asked to Shannon regarding the issue and what he told is as follows-

Okay. So then here is what is happening.

You started off doing a lot of loops, and it was too much. So you cut it down and it was still too much. Now you're down to where you really should have started, and the emotional shielding from 2 loops can't handle the fallout from doing too many loops. You are still processing the effects of doing too many loops, but the emotional shield is designed to match the loops you do, so you're effectively processing 8+ loops of grief residually, but getting 2 loops of shielding.

He also advised me to increasing my listening loop as follows-

Okay, so here's your options then.

When it gets bad, do more loops per day. That will give you more emotional shielding, and speed up the processing of the issues it is clearing.

So next time it gets bad, try 3 loops on that day and see what happens. If 3 is not enough, try 4, etc.

When you find the balance point between processing and shielding, stick with it.

The fear is quite mysterious. It comes when I am in my office and left me when I am in my residence...

Anyway let's see what's going to happening

Funny.. Cause I am listening to OF-5G and it comes to me usually when I am home. I think when I am inside I think too much and when outside I am busy so I act subconsciously which is without fear... Well I guess my conscious mind will take time to adapt to change.

[Benjamin]

Fear of death isn't something that's just going to go away in a day or two. It's a pretty deep one. Interestingly i've had it come up a few times during DMSI but not sure I identified it coming up with other programs.

[mojamhaque]

Date: 13.06.2017 & 14.06.2017
Day: 12 & 13
Listened Hour: 03 hours & 04 hours
Little improved. Seems fears reduced little. Doesn't feel much helpless like previous but still exists. Day 13 is much better than day 12 but still exists. Hope will be able to overcome this situation asap.

[mojamhaque]

Date: 12.06.2017
Day: 11
Listened Hour: 03 hours
Yet not resolved the problem of Fear of Death. Asked to Shannon regarding the issue and what he told is as follows-

Okay. So then here is what is happening.

You started off doing a lot of loops, and it was too much. So you cut it down and it was still too much. Now you're down to where you really should have started, and the emotional shielding from 2 loops can't handle the fallout from doing too many loops. You are still processing the effects of doing too many loops, but the emotional shield is designed to match the loops you do, so you're effectively processing 8+ loops of grief residually, but getting 2 loops of shielding.

He also advised me to increasing my listening loop as follows-

Okay, so here's your options then.

When it gets bad, do more loops per day. That will give you more emotional shielding, and speed up the processing of the issues it is clearing.

So next time it gets bad, try 3 loops on that day and see what happens. If 3 is not enough, try 4, etc.

When you find the balance point between processing and shielding, stick with it.

The fear is quite mysterious. It comes when I am in my office and left me when I am in my residence...

Anyway let's see what's going to happening

Funny.. Cause I am listening to OF-5G and it comes to me usually when I am home. I think when I am inside I think too much and when outside I am busy so I act subconsciously which is without fear... Well I guess my conscious mind will take time to adapt to change.

Don't know the reason but in my case totally oppose.

[mojamhaque]

Fear of death isn't something that's just going to go away in a day or two. It's a pretty deep one. Interestingly i've had it come up a few times during DMSI but not sure I identified it coming up with other programs.

Hi Ben
First of all thanks for reading my journal. Remember once you said me
" Temporarily it can lower motivation because it puts you in 'healing' mode. Kind of like if you're in a hospital bed healing physically, because it's putting you in a state for healing emotionally" I think exactly same thing happening with me. Fear of death, lack of study concentration, lack of motivation, financial un-stability, lack of security, performance consciousness, lack of confidence etc just killing me. All the joy, smile, hope etc gone from my mind. Probably I'm in healing state that's why such happens with me. Hope will get rid soon.