Max X EPRHA 2.0

[DisneylandUSA]

Sometimes I just don't really know what's going on.

I miss my social fluidity and my social confidence. I'm not sure if it'll come back as long as I'm on E2. At the very least, I hope so after I stop running it.

I do see now that I haven't been "accepting" of myself while I do nothing to improve. It's hard for me to. On the flip side, it's was SO much easier for me to feel close joy on a daily basis while I knew I was improving. Sometimes, it was even euphoric. It's very hard for me to see exactly how much progress I've made with all the ups and downs. One day, I'm in a great IDGAF state, but I'm not able to work creatively, another day I'll feel good, have access to my positive creativity, but then it all goes down the drain when something triggers me, and then another day I'll just be in a terrible state, hate being around people, think of creative ways of killing people that irritate me, and have a strong access to negative creativity.

Honestly, while I've been running E2, I feel like I have more anxiety towards things that I didn't use to feel anxiety for. I just assume it's because I'm in a hypersensitive state while on it. The little things that I didn't think about that often but still bothered me before E2, I think about on a daily basis (unless I'm in a good state).

With Shannon saying that "E2 lets you know when you're finished", I really think that's unclear. I've thought about stopping E2 a few times to finish my clearing process with tapping (since it interferes with E2). But it's near impossible for me to know what's just my own thinking and what the sub is trying to get me to do. What I think I should do is wait until the next time I feel good again and then either lower hours on E2 gradually or just stop. Wait 2 weeks. Then either tap or do DMSI. But I have no way of knowing if this is "resistance", just my thinking, or what I actually should be doing.

Today wasn't as unpleasant as yesterday, but I really do miss my social confidence and social fluidity. It's just not the same right now.


Sidenote

I see how Shannon mentions 6G and how powerful it's going to be. I truly hope that it lives up to what both he and everyone on the forum expect. I expect any 6G program to be a lifechanger in 30 days. I'm hoping that for a sub like E3 when it comes out, it clears out everything from 6 months of use or sooner. Even if that means that the mind will take another 6 months after finishing the program to finish clearing everything, it'll still get done from 6 months of active listening.

Great Journaling. It sounds like you are making a lot of Progress in 'Self-Healing.'