05-02-2016, 06:38 PM
Just want to vent a bit. I'm happy about the direction I'm gradually moving my life towards. In general, I feel like I'm more grateful for most of what I have in my life.
I'm still kinda annoyed towards girls though. At the moment I feel like I'm in a purgatory in that area. I don't really have any real intentions to talk to new girls because I just think that the same old shit will happen again. At the same time, it's a pain in my ass to not bust any nuts. The thought of porn has crossed my mind, but I feel like I'm off of it for good. Even though that's good, it only makes the whole situation relating to girls even worse. At night before I go to sleep, I sometimes act like I'm fucking a girl. Just doing that helps me feel a little better and then I go to sleep.
I saw Shannon's post about finding the kind of person you'd enjoy in your life by being where'd they go. It totally makes sense to me and I know that I'd have no problem finding them. I can find exactly what I know I like at the gym and at the library. Having them become a part of my life is a bit of a different story. From the book I'm reading (don't recall the title), I've acted in the past through the Shadow King masculine energy as the high chair tyrant. Pretty much that everyone else I interact with served me on some level. I didn't consciously think that, but that's exactly how I subconsciously believed. That's why I had so much rage towards girls. It's just that now it'd be nice to get of this purgatory.
I'm considering Julien's TenGame product. Sounds like it'd be helpful. And I wish he would've created something like that a hell of a lot sooner.
I'm still kinda annoyed towards girls though. At the moment I feel like I'm in a purgatory in that area. I don't really have any real intentions to talk to new girls because I just think that the same old shit will happen again. At the same time, it's a pain in my ass to not bust any nuts. The thought of porn has crossed my mind, but I feel like I'm off of it for good. Even though that's good, it only makes the whole situation relating to girls even worse. At night before I go to sleep, I sometimes act like I'm fucking a girl. Just doing that helps me feel a little better and then I go to sleep.
I saw Shannon's post about finding the kind of person you'd enjoy in your life by being where'd they go. It totally makes sense to me and I know that I'd have no problem finding them. I can find exactly what I know I like at the gym and at the library. Having them become a part of my life is a bit of a different story. From the book I'm reading (don't recall the title), I've acted in the past through the Shadow King masculine energy as the high chair tyrant. Pretty much that everyone else I interact with served me on some level. I didn't consciously think that, but that's exactly how I subconsciously believed. That's why I had so much rage towards girls. It's just that now it'd be nice to get of this purgatory.
I'm considering Julien's TenGame product. Sounds like it'd be helpful. And I wish he would've created something like that a hell of a lot sooner.
