LionKing's Mating Season (SM3)

[LionKing]

Did 1 click accelerator and 1 relaxing accelerator and 16 eef tracks today... wheeeh! All tracks were at least intensity 7 and some of the last ones were 10s. Now for a little nap and then I'm going out. No idea how that'll go, but I don't care.. that's enough progress for today already.

[zen]

Did 1 click accelerator and 1 relaxing accelerator and 16 eef tracks today... wheeeh! All tracks were at least intensity 7 and some of the last ones were 10s. Now for a little nap and then I'm going out. No idea how that'll go, but I don't care.. that's enough progress for today already.

16 eefs? You're the Champ!

[LionKing]

16 eefs? You're the Champ!

Well, actually 21 if you count the 5 I did after the club, lol. But yeah its too much, don't want to get burned out.

Stage 1, Day 27. Nothing much happened last night, which wasn't really a surprise considering how much anxiety I dug up during the day and the expectations that brought. But it was fun, I went out with a friend I haven't seen in a long time and we talked a bit. I was feeling great & strong for the first half of the night, but then it kinda felt like my batteries suddenly ran out or something; I didn't get tired, but that horniness/sexiness/aura thing just dropped and I couldn't get the feeling back anymore. Only had 1 beer, so that's progress. Very little approaching, feels like I failed a bit in that regard (tap). Some dancing, including up on the podium in front of everyone by myself for a minute (tap).

There was this freaking gorgeous, really tall Megan Fox look alike. We danced next to each other and I would've wanted to talk to her, but I couldn't shake the feeling that "she's too freaking tall & hot, there's no way she'd ever be into someone who's not a 185+ cm model". I did go & put this sign that said "Single!" around her neck on the dance floor. She didn't mind, but also didn't give me eye contact (my fault). I let her wear for a few secs and then took it back because it was my friend's, lol. Thinking back, I never saw her interact in any way with anyone else except her friend, so I think she actually could've been fairly open to talking at least. But yeah, I was feeling a bit anxious about convos anyway, feeling like I didn't have much to say, and that I can't see any good opportunities (tap). Last time was much easier.

I did get approached 3 times, which is new :) Right when I left there was this girl on the street that got this instant deer-in-the-headlights look when she saw me, then kinda hurried behind me & beside her friend and started asking where I'm going (with that ass) and stuff. Its happened some times before. I was a bit late going to meet up with my friend so I wasn't really open to stopping and I just gave said something quick and kept going. How girly of me. Another one was a pretty-drunk girl who walked up to me, despite her friend trying to hold her back & apologizing for her, to asks me directions to club. Seemed like she honestly was looking for it, though. And then the third one was a girl on the dance floor. She just kinda appeared to dance in front of me & my friend and turned to look at me a bit shyly & smiling a few times. Clearly inviting me to do something, I doubt she even knew what herself. I did dance with her a little bit and clap hands with her or something, but then I pulled back a bit b/c the old "play it cool" self-talk kicked back in. As soon as I pulled back the 2nd time, she instantly got frustrated and walked off to talk to her friend on the other side of the d. floor, lol :D Whatever, good stuff. Good effort on her part. I can dance in groups, I can grind and I can do Salsa, but dancing slightly apart with 1 girl I haven't even talked to, in a club & sober feels like I'm free falling :D

pstec is great & all, but I'm finding Sedona's 3 questions (or feft) are still useful for clearing those remaining tight feelings after I've blasted the big anxieties to tiny but still sharp shatters all over my mind. I'll do some cleaning up today. And "my girl" is coming over in the evening, thank god.

[SargeMaximus]

Wow, great progress. Whats this EEF btw?

[LionKing]

Thanks. I mean the 2 tracks that come Level 1, "enhanced effectiveness".

Just did 6 of those and 2 positives repeating "I'm always completely relaxed in bar and enjoy being the center of attention" and imagining myself doing all kinds of things while everybody's watching me, like leading crowds at the dance floor approaching groups of girls loudly over tables so that everyone hears me and so.. found some slight anxieties ;) But then it happened that I started imagining myself dancing on a podium and waving my dick at everyone in the club.. laughed so hard it dropped from a 9 to a 0 :D

I'd like to do that with something like "I can fully express myself while having sex", but don't really have the time & energy for it today.

[SargeMaximus]

Thanks. I mean the 2 tracks that come Level 1, "enhanced effectiveness".

Just did 6 of those and 2 positives repeating "I'm always completely relaxed in bar and enjoy being the center of attention" and imagining myself doing all kinds of things while everybody's watching me, like leading crowds at the dance floor approaching groups of girls loudly over tables so that everyone hears me and so.. found some slight anxieties But then it happened that I started imagining myself dancing on a podium and waving my dick at everyone in the club.. laughed so hard it dropped from a 9 to a 0

I'd like to do that with something like "I can fully express myself while having sex", but don't really have the time & energy for it today.

Ah I see. So the Level 1 is better than the free tracks would you say?

[LionKing]

Ah I see. So the Level 1 is better than the free tracks would you say?

Yes, they're way better. A bit longer too, but I never do the free tracks anymore b/c they're boring compared to the level 1 tracks.

Stopped by the store just now.. not sure, but this beautiful shop assistant (or what's the term?) came to ask if I need any help and we found a hair product that cost 30e. Then at the checkout she says its 20e and I kinda look at her and she smiles, looks away and says "yeah, those are actually on sale, I guess they just haven't marked it there it seems..". I didn't see anything on any kind of sale in the whole department store. Then she starts looking around some cabinets and hands me 2 free sample bottles of soap. Nice! :) I think I got a discount at a cafe too 1-2 weeks back, it was the same thing. Also, I feel GREAT after all that tapping and got some long looks.

[Shawn]

Ah I see. So the Level 1 is better than the free tracks would you say?

Yes, they're way better. A bit longer too, but I never do the free tracks anymore b/c they're boring compared to the level 1 tracks.

Stopped by the store just now.. not sure, but this beautiful shop assistant (or what's the term?) came to ask if I need any help and we found a hair product that cost 30e. Then at the checkout she says its 20e and I kinda look at her and she smiles, looks away and says "yeah, those are actually on sale, I guess they just haven't marked it there it seems..". I didn't see anything on any kind of sale in the whole department store. Then she starts looking around some cabinets and hands me 2 free sample bottles of soap. Nice! I think I got a discount at a cafe too 1-2 weeks back, it was the same thing. Also, I feel GREAT after all that tapping and got some long looks.

I experience pretty similar stuff

[SargeMaximus]

Ah I see. So the Level 1 is better than the free tracks would you say?

Yes, they're way better. A bit longer too, but I never do the free tracks anymore b/c they're boring compared to the level 1 tracks.

Stopped by the store just now.. not sure, but this beautiful shop assistant (or what's the term?) came to ask if I need any help and we found a hair product that cost 30e. Then at the checkout she says its 20e and I kinda look at her and she smiles, looks away and says "yeah, those are actually on sale, I guess they just haven't marked it there it seems..". I didn't see anything on any kind of sale in the whole department store. Then she starts looking around some cabinets and hands me 2 free sample bottles of soap. Nice! I think I got a discount at a cafe too 1-2 weeks back, it was the same thing. Also, I feel GREAT after all that tapping and got some long looks.

I experience pretty similar stuff

I don't >> lol. Need to get this Level 1 then, thanks! Also, awesome results coming in!

[LionKing]

Stage 1, Day 28. I can't believe how good I'm feeling. Literally, I feel amazing but I'm I can't believe it'll last, so I'm trying to end it, lol :D

I'm just hooked on this clicking and tapping thing, went for hours again.. its actually cutting into my sub time and sleep time, but I guess it'll slow down soon. I'm just starting to see there's actually a good change I may be able to let myself out in the near future.. I mean let the ME out from behind the "me" I'm trying to be all the time. That's mostly behind the things I've been tapping on. Today it was related to close family members and how I relate to them and think about them. Many releases, then when I was done I took a shower and suddenly started crying/laughing so hard I couldn't stand up, its pretty surreal :D

I'm thinking I could actually DO stuff, like perform in some amateur-level dancing thing or stand up or something.. I've been thinking that I'd love to sing but I'm really self-conscious about doing that in public. Maybe, I don't know. I do know that if this keeps happening and actually turns out to carry into the real world, my results for SM3 will be something completely outside my expectations, a threesome is nothing in that scope. Some of this is already much better than regular sex as an experience. And the weird part is that tomorrow, or some time soon, I'll feel bad and it'll be like none of this ever happened and nothing's ever going to change, what is up with that??

Yeah.. I was at work mostly, so didn't see many girls. But for the short time I did, I found 3 girls looking at me, not in a sexual way, but I don't know.. just, eyes open I guess. One was standing close to me in a crowd and I saw she was looking at me with this expression like she'd just noticed her old friend or that there was something really interesting going on in the street.. I looked at her for 1 or 2 secs and I thought she MUST be looking a little past me so I looked away to not be rude and then she looked away too and she didn't look in my direction anymore. There was nothing and no one behind me, though. And I went to this class, where I was somehow the star of the show in some tired-cute way. I'm going to sleep now, maybe the world will make sense again tomorrow :D

Still only stage 1, what....

EDIT: Oh, and this girl (friend + some benefits a few times in the past) texted me about a course we're taking, saying we should practice outside class because she's getting behind.. I don't believe that, she's always been one of the best in group :D

[SargeMaximus]

Stage 1, Day 28. I can't believe how good I'm feeling. Literally, I feel amazing but I'm I can't believe it'll last, so I'm trying to end it, lol

I know the feeling. :/

I'm thinking I could actually DO stuff, like perform in some amateur-level dancing thing or stand up or something.. I've been thinking that I'd love to sing but I'm really self-conscious about doing that in public.

Do you sing in public ever? I do at work some times. There are few things I love more than singing, but if I realize someone is aware of my singing (or worse, ENJOYING it lol) I get self-conscious and stop. It's weird really.

[LionKing]

Do you sing in public ever? I do at work some times. There are few things I love more than singing, but if I realize someone is aware of my singing (or worse, ENJOYING it lol) I get self-conscious and stop. It's weird really.

No :/ Well, I mean I can sing by myself in a car and I was singing a bit when walking home from the bar last Sat (quietly & checking that there's no one to hear it). I forced myself to do karaoke once with a friend. It just feels like such a personal instrument, which is both why its so great, and why I can't have anyone hear me..


Stage 1, Day 29. I think I'm starting to "get" some of David Deida's deeper musing. Did long hours of tapping again.. I didn't want to, but when I start on big stuff, there's always something under it that's preventing the release, and then something under that and so and so forth.

I went for the fenced/unfenced relationship feeling, thinking about explaining some of that stuff I wrote on Sarge's journal to someone. Not an easy exercise to try & explain something that complex in your mind while doing the eef tracks btw, do try! Anyway, took a long time but I kinda ended up connecting some sad & sorry feelings about how shy & unsocial I feel I've been growing up, and all the good feelings (touch, pleasure) there are when having sex or foreplay. Triggered an intense pain in the middle of my chest almost at sternum level, that slowly moved to the left and down, to and over the heart in maybe 30 minutes.

At first I interpreted that as needing acceptance & loving through sex as a way to accept myself, and maybe it was. However, what I realized a while after is that its not both the man's and woman's role to show love, desire & acceptance towards each other equally.. When I think of how sex feels best for me, its when I'm 100% into her, completely in awe of how sexy & gorgeous she is, and how good she feels. Then (I'm guessing and deducing here) she gets to feel that, and starts to feel free, which makes me see her as even more gorgeous. So what I really get from it, is that I get to turn my focus completely off of myself and onto how amazing she is at the moment, losing myself for a short while. That's why sex is just mundane when I don't really desire her at that time, or I'm worried about performance or something. I don't think that's how women feel it, I think they lose themselves in a different way somehow, probably related to feeling loved/desired.

That kinda raises some thoughts.. like that its kinda backwards to expect admiration from women, and how porn is actually quite well suited for men.

[Geodude]

Just a heads up, you're definitely NOT supposed to say anything negative to yourself while running the tracks, even to illicit emotional responses. "I'm such a loser..Blah blah..." They are very vocal that you never do that.

But anyway, love your journal and keep it up!

[stratos]

GEodude - even silently in your mind you'r enot supposed to say anything negative? Then how do you clear negative self talk?