Stage 2, Day 10. A touch of anger coming up.
I'm getting less tired by stage 2 now. Sex drive still seems to be low. In fact, I feel like I'll be just fine even if I don't have sex in the next 6 months. I mean I'd like to, but its a bit.. meh. Overall I feel good and it seems I get along really well with people I talk to. I switched to a gym that has more women and restarted a previous hobby of mine. I got some new clothes and I'm liking the night-time style I have now. Friends are contacting me to go out quite a bit.
It seems I'm getting clear of those issues I had with being single because I've been openly owning it in conversations with friends & family. I like to do stuff with a (male) friend of mine who is in a LTR, but I had make it clear to him that I'm single and I need, and want, to make choices that allow me to meet women during my day/night. For example, I may want to go to a different gym than he does, or that I might like to go out alone or in a bigger group rather than with just him. I think I wasn't fully ok with being single before and I wanted to avoid people talking among themselves about how weird I am and that's why I wasn't that open about it before.
I was out Fri and Sat now (both were social events). Friday was uneventful, except for 1 moment.. Right at the start of the night, we arrived at a bar to meet some people there. There where no seats so we stood beside their table for a while until I got bored of it and grabbed a chair that seemed free atm. After a while, 2 girls come laughing from behind saying something about how I need to give their chair back.. I turn my head around slowly and look at the 1st one (who was kinda cute) in the eyes and she just froze! Her friend continued on in that same laughing tone about the chair or something, but she just went all quiet & confused, saying something like "...you have a little brown in your eyes, you know...." quietly to me after about 2 seconds of staring at me :D Her friend left after a while and I finally offered to give the chair back but she said she's too embarrassed to take it now. She did leave eventually, to go SIT BESIDE THE GUY SHE WAS THERE WITH, lol.
But Saturday... Seems I can't stand drunken people anymore. I mean friends I have no problem with, but we went to this bar where everyone was drunk and ugh.. I thought it was disgusting, the girls there were disgusting for being so drunk, and I just left early because I didn't want to be there anymore. I also have no interest in playing any kind of games with girls and I'm quite annoyed about that they seem to think I should. And I'm not even talking about bitchy behavior, but just everything. For example, I was talking to these 2 girls yesterday. One of them always looked me in the eye, was funny, contributed to the conversation and stuff like that. The other one would not turn her head towards me when I was speaking and wouldn't let herself really go along with the stuff I was saying even though it was very casual and her friend seemed 100% comfortable with it. My friend asked and of course it turned out the "open" girl was taken and the "closed" girl was single. I wasn't even interested in her, but stuff like that just annoys me. Girls that are taken seem to like me a lot, look at me often when they're close by and even get all touchy with their BFs (some of them my friends) right there, but then single girls who I'm not even interested in won't even look at me. The thing that annoys me is that it seems like I should work to get their attention, which I have zero interest in doing. Or that I'd need to go up to some drunken girl who probably has the attention span of a mosquito and try to "win her attention" while she's just habitually playing hard to get and using the attention to feel better about herself. Nah, I was seriously way more interested in going home to eat something.
Ok, so I see the anger/irritation stuff that's underlying the paragraph above, but the question is, should I pstec it away? I'm guessing SM3 is telling me to not play into women's games, not compromise, etc. and this is bringing out the irritation I already have within me towards these things. And if that's the case, I'm deducing that I can work on releasing those anger/irritation feelings without negatively affecting SM3, because I guess the point is not the feel angry but just to stop the supplicating behavior which is done by changing my beliefs... but then, if those new beliefs lead to a anger/irritation anytime when I feel someone is trying to make me do something, then actually I shouldn't weaken that feeling, because its tied to the new belief?
Frenchmagnet was just saying that he felt angry towards women for the first 3 stages and it seems SM3 worked well for him.. also I think Alfalgz (sp) had some annoyance and it worked for him too. And AM makes you angry at other people's bs in the earlier stages, so I guess this is the same thing. Maybe the anger is useful in earlier stages of the transformation.. but its also holding me back atm.
Btw. I've given the Sleep shuttle BWE a second try since about a week ago when somebody posted a testimonial of it here.. and it works! I have a playlist that starts with the Sleep shuttle and then repeats SM3's Tricking stream for several hours and I never remember noticing the switch from Sleep shuttle to Trickling stream anymore.
Btw2. I've been doing 2-4 rounds of pstec per day and focusing just on the feeling (as little "memory content", like images or audio as possible) seems to work very well for me. 2-4 click track rounds are enough to release most feelings and then I might want to do neg + pos if its a belief issue. Repeating "Why?" in my head while focusing on the feeling often allows me to bring up the real issues quite quickly (this is "allowed", its a tip from their forum).
--------
EDIT: Ok, did some pstec on it from a few angles and I feel a bit clearer now. I was even inspired to "play" some Tinder, even though I *strongly* prefer meeting people live. Its good that I'm opening my expression for anger a bit more, me thinks.
I'm getting less tired by stage 2 now. Sex drive still seems to be low. In fact, I feel like I'll be just fine even if I don't have sex in the next 6 months. I mean I'd like to, but its a bit.. meh. Overall I feel good and it seems I get along really well with people I talk to. I switched to a gym that has more women and restarted a previous hobby of mine. I got some new clothes and I'm liking the night-time style I have now. Friends are contacting me to go out quite a bit.
It seems I'm getting clear of those issues I had with being single because I've been openly owning it in conversations with friends & family. I like to do stuff with a (male) friend of mine who is in a LTR, but I had make it clear to him that I'm single and I need, and want, to make choices that allow me to meet women during my day/night. For example, I may want to go to a different gym than he does, or that I might like to go out alone or in a bigger group rather than with just him. I think I wasn't fully ok with being single before and I wanted to avoid people talking among themselves about how weird I am and that's why I wasn't that open about it before.
I was out Fri and Sat now (both were social events). Friday was uneventful, except for 1 moment.. Right at the start of the night, we arrived at a bar to meet some people there. There where no seats so we stood beside their table for a while until I got bored of it and grabbed a chair that seemed free atm. After a while, 2 girls come laughing from behind saying something about how I need to give their chair back.. I turn my head around slowly and look at the 1st one (who was kinda cute) in the eyes and she just froze! Her friend continued on in that same laughing tone about the chair or something, but she just went all quiet & confused, saying something like "...you have a little brown in your eyes, you know...." quietly to me after about 2 seconds of staring at me :D Her friend left after a while and I finally offered to give the chair back but she said she's too embarrassed to take it now. She did leave eventually, to go SIT BESIDE THE GUY SHE WAS THERE WITH, lol.
But Saturday... Seems I can't stand drunken people anymore. I mean friends I have no problem with, but we went to this bar where everyone was drunk and ugh.. I thought it was disgusting, the girls there were disgusting for being so drunk, and I just left early because I didn't want to be there anymore. I also have no interest in playing any kind of games with girls and I'm quite annoyed about that they seem to think I should. And I'm not even talking about bitchy behavior, but just everything. For example, I was talking to these 2 girls yesterday. One of them always looked me in the eye, was funny, contributed to the conversation and stuff like that. The other one would not turn her head towards me when I was speaking and wouldn't let herself really go along with the stuff I was saying even though it was very casual and her friend seemed 100% comfortable with it. My friend asked and of course it turned out the "open" girl was taken and the "closed" girl was single. I wasn't even interested in her, but stuff like that just annoys me. Girls that are taken seem to like me a lot, look at me often when they're close by and even get all touchy with their BFs (some of them my friends) right there, but then single girls who I'm not even interested in won't even look at me. The thing that annoys me is that it seems like I should work to get their attention, which I have zero interest in doing. Or that I'd need to go up to some drunken girl who probably has the attention span of a mosquito and try to "win her attention" while she's just habitually playing hard to get and using the attention to feel better about herself. Nah, I was seriously way more interested in going home to eat something.
Ok, so I see the anger/irritation stuff that's underlying the paragraph above, but the question is, should I pstec it away? I'm guessing SM3 is telling me to not play into women's games, not compromise, etc. and this is bringing out the irritation I already have within me towards these things. And if that's the case, I'm deducing that I can work on releasing those anger/irritation feelings without negatively affecting SM3, because I guess the point is not the feel angry but just to stop the supplicating behavior which is done by changing my beliefs... but then, if those new beliefs lead to a anger/irritation anytime when I feel someone is trying to make me do something, then actually I shouldn't weaken that feeling, because its tied to the new belief?
Frenchmagnet was just saying that he felt angry towards women for the first 3 stages and it seems SM3 worked well for him.. also I think Alfalgz (sp) had some annoyance and it worked for him too. And AM makes you angry at other people's bs in the earlier stages, so I guess this is the same thing. Maybe the anger is useful in earlier stages of the transformation.. but its also holding me back atm.
Btw. I've given the Sleep shuttle BWE a second try since about a week ago when somebody posted a testimonial of it here.. and it works! I have a playlist that starts with the Sleep shuttle and then repeats SM3's Tricking stream for several hours and I never remember noticing the switch from Sleep shuttle to Trickling stream anymore.
Btw2. I've been doing 2-4 rounds of pstec per day and focusing just on the feeling (as little "memory content", like images or audio as possible) seems to work very well for me. 2-4 click track rounds are enough to release most feelings and then I might want to do neg + pos if its a belief issue. Repeating "Why?" in my head while focusing on the feeling often allows me to bring up the real issues quite quickly (this is "allowed", its a tip from their forum).
--------
EDIT: Ok, did some pstec on it from a few angles and I feel a bit clearer now. I was even inspired to "play" some Tinder, even though I *strongly* prefer meeting people live. Its good that I'm opening my expression for anger a bit more, me thinks.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
