Stage 1, Day 20. Feeling good again.
I found an affirmation that really hit home yesterday. I was feeling some anxiety about going out yesterday, specifically about either going out alone or with an old friend of mine who is in a relationship. I was anxious that I can't talk to any girls while I'm out with him or other such friends, mostly because I felt I'd be "the weird guy" who walks up to girls when others in the group are in long-term relationships. Like I'd have to perform for them. After a while, I did find the belief that "I'm a failure because I can't seem to find a quality girl to be my girlfriend" hiding underneath it all. Its not that I'm even looking for one, and I don't even consciously want one, but there it was, still unchallenged. And then I had this idea that if I don't seem to meet those really quality kinds of girls, I should at least be swimming in pussy to validate that being single was/is good choice for me.
Anyway, I did some click tracks on that and then attempted to reverse it into a positive statement. What I came up with was something like: "I love being single, because I'm always free to meet new people everywhere I go, and because every situation has that slight excitement to it (where anything could happen).". I'm feeling really good about that one and I'll hammer it in for a week or so. Its what I already though logically, just seems I wasn't completely congruent with it emotionally. Lately I've been way too focused on what causes anxiety, where I need to improve, how many subliminal stages left until something happens, etc.. but with this newly regained focus, I'm much more optimistic, I'm actually looking for situations where something could happen now, anytime. More excited about life. It puts AA in a new light as well, because I'm not expecting anything to happen most of the time I go out or talk to people, but a conversation going bad is absolutely nothing against that awesome feeling when things DO suddenly click, out of the blue.
The scene I have in mind is: I'll go somewhere, a woman who is absolutely gorgeous to me suddenly appears somewhere, we either lock eyes or I just oggle at her for a while with my jaw hanging out.. I feel to urge to approach and I go with it - unprepared. Magic happens. Doesn't really matter if I was feeling a bit tired just before that, I know it'll be like I just drank 5 Red bulls when I'm gazing into her eyes. That actually makes me look forward to going out, instead of the usual slight self-conscious anxiety.
And yeah, I did go out yesterday. No "results", but it did go very well. Obvious signs of attraction in a way that I haven't noticed before. Girls getting really flustered and giggly when I go talk to them, girls clearly expecting me to start talking to them at the bar while waiting for drinks, etc. I came to stand behind this 1 girl at the bar, slightly to her right. She never looks at me, but kinda starts holding her head more to right, so I'm in her peripheral vision (were about half a meter apart). Then when she was looking straight ahead for a moment, I decided to leave and right when her head turned back to the right and I'm not there anymore she jerks all the way around and starts searching for faces in the crowd behind her :D There was also an absolutely gorgeous blonde who I went out with a few times last year who was quite happy to see me now and started asking me lots of questions when I didn't rush to fill the silence. She's taken though. Started an interaction by complimenting (more like stating facts) this one girl from the bottom of my heart and her smile was amazing.. she kept staring at me, smiling and fidgeting with anything within arms reach, lol. The only thing that bugs me is that I sprayed on some of those pheromones I ordered in midsummer (1 Cohesion + 1 Evolve).. I haven't noticed any effect from them before, but now I wonder how much of it was due to them. Its great if they work, but I'll most likely stop using those just to be able to see my results better.
The initial attraction, comfort and me showing sexual interest seem to be pretty much handled, but much is still left to done in the subsequent leading department. I can get the "so... what now..." feeling some times and then it kinda dies out. I feel fine about dancing on the dance floor, but blocked towards just going up to dance with girls (in a "Hi, let's play" manner, not grinding against their asses). I'll clear those too.
The first stage seems really long for some reason and I am looking forward to stage 2 because it seems all the fun behavioral shifts really start there (eye seduction, escalation, sexual stamina, etc).
EDIT: The amount of spontaneous belly laughs that escape from me has also gone up lately. Started to increase during AM6 and now that seems to continue :)
I found an affirmation that really hit home yesterday. I was feeling some anxiety about going out yesterday, specifically about either going out alone or with an old friend of mine who is in a relationship. I was anxious that I can't talk to any girls while I'm out with him or other such friends, mostly because I felt I'd be "the weird guy" who walks up to girls when others in the group are in long-term relationships. Like I'd have to perform for them. After a while, I did find the belief that "I'm a failure because I can't seem to find a quality girl to be my girlfriend" hiding underneath it all. Its not that I'm even looking for one, and I don't even consciously want one, but there it was, still unchallenged. And then I had this idea that if I don't seem to meet those really quality kinds of girls, I should at least be swimming in pussy to validate that being single was/is good choice for me.
Anyway, I did some click tracks on that and then attempted to reverse it into a positive statement. What I came up with was something like: "I love being single, because I'm always free to meet new people everywhere I go, and because every situation has that slight excitement to it (where anything could happen).". I'm feeling really good about that one and I'll hammer it in for a week or so. Its what I already though logically, just seems I wasn't completely congruent with it emotionally. Lately I've been way too focused on what causes anxiety, where I need to improve, how many subliminal stages left until something happens, etc.. but with this newly regained focus, I'm much more optimistic, I'm actually looking for situations where something could happen now, anytime. More excited about life. It puts AA in a new light as well, because I'm not expecting anything to happen most of the time I go out or talk to people, but a conversation going bad is absolutely nothing against that awesome feeling when things DO suddenly click, out of the blue.
The scene I have in mind is: I'll go somewhere, a woman who is absolutely gorgeous to me suddenly appears somewhere, we either lock eyes or I just oggle at her for a while with my jaw hanging out.. I feel to urge to approach and I go with it - unprepared. Magic happens. Doesn't really matter if I was feeling a bit tired just before that, I know it'll be like I just drank 5 Red bulls when I'm gazing into her eyes. That actually makes me look forward to going out, instead of the usual slight self-conscious anxiety.
And yeah, I did go out yesterday. No "results", but it did go very well. Obvious signs of attraction in a way that I haven't noticed before. Girls getting really flustered and giggly when I go talk to them, girls clearly expecting me to start talking to them at the bar while waiting for drinks, etc. I came to stand behind this 1 girl at the bar, slightly to her right. She never looks at me, but kinda starts holding her head more to right, so I'm in her peripheral vision (were about half a meter apart). Then when she was looking straight ahead for a moment, I decided to leave and right when her head turned back to the right and I'm not there anymore she jerks all the way around and starts searching for faces in the crowd behind her :D There was also an absolutely gorgeous blonde who I went out with a few times last year who was quite happy to see me now and started asking me lots of questions when I didn't rush to fill the silence. She's taken though. Started an interaction by complimenting (more like stating facts) this one girl from the bottom of my heart and her smile was amazing.. she kept staring at me, smiling and fidgeting with anything within arms reach, lol. The only thing that bugs me is that I sprayed on some of those pheromones I ordered in midsummer (1 Cohesion + 1 Evolve).. I haven't noticed any effect from them before, but now I wonder how much of it was due to them. Its great if they work, but I'll most likely stop using those just to be able to see my results better.
The initial attraction, comfort and me showing sexual interest seem to be pretty much handled, but much is still left to done in the subsequent leading department. I can get the "so... what now..." feeling some times and then it kinda dies out. I feel fine about dancing on the dance floor, but blocked towards just going up to dance with girls (in a "Hi, let's play" manner, not grinding against their asses). I'll clear those too.
The first stage seems really long for some reason and I am looking forward to stage 2 because it seems all the fun behavioral shifts really start there (eye seduction, escalation, sexual stamina, etc).
EDIT: The amount of spontaneous belly laughs that escape from me has also gone up lately. Started to increase during AM6 and now that seems to continue :)
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
