Life Tune Up 3.1 Journal

[lokko]

Day 34: I'm procastinating lots on finding a job or doing something productive with my day. I sleep late, wake up late, then run a few errands that usually pop up and then come home and game. I feel like I could be doing much more with my life. I have To do lists from back in the day but I just don't start on it, and if I do, I stop halfway and my attention goes to something else and never returns to my goal.

[lokko]

day 35: Wow the amount of irritation and anger bursts I have today is crazy. I'm just easily annoyed, easily irrated by people and just seem to have a shitty day. People on facebook don't reply to me or give me the cold shoulder, my friend doesnt answer his phone and just on and on. Fuck today.

[lokko]

Day 36: Met up with some girl on facebook I had for awhile, she looked okay on fb but in person I wasn't attracted, we were supposed to go to a hookah bar but I was like lets just stay at your place and we started watching a movie, and I told myself whatever, and started getting on top of her and she got turned on and everything, I was fingering her at this point and she screamed fuck me and I have premature ejaculation so I just kept figuring her, I wanted head but not really so I came on my hands on purpose and then said I had to go. I was not attracted to her at all. Before LTU in cases like this I would have felt shame and guilt come up, but now I don't feel shameful or guilt, just disgust. It's better for me to never speak to her again then to repeat what I don't really want. Normally I'd go to her place another day and go for it again cause i'd feel really horny, but I'm already making the conscious self talk that I know I didn't like it, and I don't want it so I wont go.

Ah but anyhow I wish I could cure this premature ejaculation, I bought the sub but didn't have great speakers set up so did it for like 25 days and gave up. Now that I have great headphones I'm thinking about running them after LTU unless Shannon has a 4g version of it coming out sometime this year.

[IronSmooth]

Bust a nut right before you go out. That way it takes you a bit longer to finish.
Worked for me back in the day when i was just starting to have sex.
I can tell you this much, its better than having ED lol.

[JackOfHearts]

Ah but anyhow I wish I could cure this premature ejaculation, I bought the sub but didn't have great speakers set up so did it for like 25 days and gave up. Now that I have great headphones I'm thinking about running them after LTU unless Shannon has a 4g version of it coming out sometime this year.

Have you tried training yourself with masturbation.
You stay relax on your bed, use slow respiration from your belly for 2 mins. Relax yourself (no muscle tension) and then practice edging (I use olive oil it's amazing).
Do it for weeks every day. Then try to use your voice to release your sexual tension, caress yourself and enjoy every pleasure in your body. Focus on all area of your body not just your dick. I did that and now I can stay hour without ejaculation, before I would last from 4min to 10min max on first release.
I learn that from multiple orgasm book, now I can have orgasm without ejaculation and it's a different world. Try to do yoga it will help you a lot if you can.

[lokko]

Ah but anyhow I wish I could cure this premature ejaculation, I bought the sub but didn't have great speakers set up so did it for like 25 days and gave up. Now that I have great headphones I'm thinking about running them after LTU unless Shannon has a 4g version of it coming out sometime this year.

Have you tried training yourself with masturbation.
You stay relax on your bed, use slow respiration from your belly for 2 mins. Relax yourself (no muscle tension) and then practice edging (I use olive oil it's amazing).
Do it for weeks every day. Then try to use your voice to release your sexual tension, caress yourself and enjoy every pleasure in your body. Focus on all area of your body not just your dick. I did that and now I can stay hour without ejaculation, before I would last from 4min to 10min max on first release.
I learn that from multiple orgasm book, now I can have orgasm without ejaculation and it's a different world. Try to do yoga it will help you a lot if you can.

4-10 mins you say? how about 30 seconds. I have tried edging techniques they are hard to do everyday but they helped me last 2 minutes, without stopping but when you stop, my condition comes back again. I'm going to try this method you mentioned next week. I might need to make it's own journal for that even though I wont be using any subs for it.

[JackOfHearts]

Maybe it's a different problem for you. But for me it was muscle tension. When I to want to ejaculate quickly I tense my muscle and it goes like 30 second too . Try to notice all the feeling, don't try to control it, just relax and stay in the moment.

If you want to ejaculate quicker, what you do differently? When you know what you do when you want release quicker, do the opposite thing.

If It doesn't work try KSMO, it doesn't require masturbation, it's all about energy. I didn't go all through this method yet but I think it work too because I saw some effect on me.

[lokko]

KSMO? I don't have to touch my penis to ejaculate that's how severe mine is. I could be making out with the chick and dry hump and ill ejaculate. With my condition, I'll have to attack the mental and physical side to it.

day 37: I noticed I have broke down some walls that my ego created. It was opening up to people saying harsh things to me, I opened that wall with the power to change it to my advantage. Here's what I mean. My ego put me in the safe zone of social interactions. It allowed me to not be responsive or smile when people made fun of me and then people would feel uncomfortable around me and never say it again. Yet I'd feel soulless, not expressing myself. Now I let them make fun of me or say harsh things but I'm able to convert it to positive energy by either making a joke out of it or saying something smart ass like back. I feel the shift but it's still minimal I'm going to keep using the subs till I reach the point where the whole wall is broken down.

[lokko]

Day 38:

We had a family get together and all my uncles own a company which they subcontract under one of my uncles, lets call him uncle A. Uncle A has a well educated wife who takes care of the office side of the company. They have most of the money. She acts all mighty and queenish like around my family. So today I was more confident and calm in the family talks and she noticed it and then tried to belittle me by saying "Why are you like this?" I was like, "Like what?" she's like you're not really a family person, you're not like your uncles. I didn't really catch on to what she was trying to do but afterwhile I realized she's trying to make me feel butthurt. She then spoke of how old I was, as if I she didn't know, and what my situation was with life and work. I told her my career is freedom and she didn't expect that and kept trying to belittle me subconsciously. I opposed everything and came from a positive state, she felt stupid probably I dunno but she's got strong grounds. Normally when this stuff happens I'd be quiet and sit in a corner like body language, and then everyone would follow and say "Why aren't you in school, blah blah blah" And they kinda attempted but I had such calmness and confidence they couldn't. I think I handled it well, however they are right, I've got to do something with my life. I don't want to live dependent anymore. I want financial freedom and a good life.

[lokko]

Day 39: I found myself less fearless today in terms of social interactions. Telling people how it is, and how I feel. Looking them straight in the eye when I want to make a point. Facing fears such as if I say this I'll lose out on this, if I say that I'll lose out on that. It's great

[lokko]

day 40: Wow did I ever feel ao tired today, I honestly slept around 12 hours. It's 9:30 almost and I'm already tired again. Besides being very tired (did nothing yesterday and today) I went out with one of my old bestfriends and our friendship got a little stronger again. It was pretty bad for a year and a half but now just got a little stronger. Lets see what happens next.

[lokko]

Day 41: I don't mention my dreams only because I don't really keep track of them however the dream I had lastnight was a little more interesting then anything. I dreamt about having the subs on and I can hear the messages of the sub, it was awesome. I wish I wrote them down when I woke up but I heard lots of positive affirmations. The next dream this girl I had on twitter was all over me and wanted me to be hers and she was drying humping me and I didn't cum which was a improvement. Usually I would've. Also had a dream where I went back to highschool and I was acting much more mature and being a leader. When I woke up I understand what that dream was trying to tell me, I've got to let go of the idea of "I wish I was in highschool again so I can start over and do better". Consciously I always wished I can go back, but I think this is the maturity part of the sub that kicked in, I feel the need to be more mature now.

As far as my day, I bumped into a old friend at the foodcourt and we were both talking about what we were doing and what our future had in store, we got into the convo so much that he called his work and said I'm going to take my break now, and we sat for half an hour and talked. I feel like my old social skills are coming back plus more.

I went on a job hunt, hit most of the restaurants that were close by. 3 of them didn't have any positions for a bartender or server and wanted me to start off as Expo/hostess/busser but I rejected, when I rejected the felt the need to impress me more but I still denied the offer. I feel like I'm more valued now and value myself more. I have 2 other restaurants who want me to come in for a second interview, and I feel like I know which one I'll be hired in for sure, so pretty excited for that!

Also tonight I was talking to my uncle and we went back and forth about some stuff, with his situation, being divorced and what not and me being career-less and still not knowing what I want to do with my future. He was supportive and so was I. He ended up saying, hey look if you excel in the restaurant business and know it in and out, we can open up a place. That got me interested! if my other uncles proposed that I wouldn't be excited, but this uncle is good with money, and what comes in and what comes out, he thinks in terms of profit, and I like that. So feeling motivated about this whole thing. Everything's getting back on track and I'm loving it.

[lokko]

day 42: Forgot to update yeaterday so making yesterdays update today too. Lots and lots of dreams again. i only had dreams like this in the beginning of Ltu. I don'rt remember the dream but I remember waking up with carried on feelings from the dream. Must be some changes going on.

[lokko]

Day 43: What a fucking day...got pulled over for speeding. hate that shit. Especially since it was on my way to pick up a girl for a date. It just tells me I'm cursed or some shit when it comes to dating. Anyway, it started off well, we went to a restaurant, she was a bit shy but she opened up, convo got to sex and she's only had 3 guys blah blah. We ended up making out at the end of the night. I didn't wanna go far on the first date, I woulda came fast. When I was on my way home, I was self sabotaging myself saying why an I going for easy girls, why cant I get a girl to date..who I would love instead of lust. That type of shit. I don't want to lust or use girls anymore I wanna feel something like I did with my ex which was more then 4 years ago..


update: Just got off the phone with a chick I'm more into..and heres my luck..she hung up on me..I came off rude I guess. "Honestly, you're so rude and ignorant you clearly don't think before you speak especially for someone who you dont even know learn some respect, for someone who's 23 you should know better but guess not some people clearly never grow up. For what it's worth, it was nice talking to you but I guarantee you I won't ever meet you after speaking to you tonight. So have a good night take care." wow...I seriously don't understand...the girls who I really want play this game of wanting me to be a "nice guy"..I wasn't even trying to be rude.