Lano1106 AM6 journal

[lano1106]

Here is something that I have experience this week-end. It was my mother funerals. And among her last will, I had a list of songs that she wanted to have during her funeral ceremony. The list was written by her own hand.

I did mention somewhere in Shannon's discussion thread that my main motivation to use AM6 was that I have been raised by my single feminist mother and that I lacked a good male model in my childhood. Hence I wanted to supplement this deficiency with the program.

Another side-effect of having a feminist mother is that she has raised her daughter with the feminist/liberal values. I kinda know that my sister's boyfriend was a beta and that she was a close to hardline feminist power hungy and control freak but last week-end I had personal clash with her...

We got a major disagreement because one of the ceremony song, she didn't find it good... To me, it was not a question of the song being good or bad. It was the choice of my mother. This is what she wanted. Her last will is the very last thing that she has left in this world. To me, there is nothing more important than that.

The argument has been extremely unpleasant. She did never let a single inch of compromise in her position. She wanted it her way despite my strong disagreement. I had to yield over the phone, hang up while she was talking because she wouldn't listen to what I was saying.

I ended up proposing a compromise where my song and her song would be played in sequence to please both us.... Even that fair compromise wasn't acceptable to her. The compromise has finally been imposed but this whole story did left a very bad taste...

It was only ME ME ME. My opinion.. My taste... My choice

It never occurred to her that it is ALSO my mother...

If she doesn't adjust her behavior in the next steps concerning my mother, I feel that something is going get broken in our relation...

[lano1106]

I had a dream about meeting with a municipal residential inspector with whom I am having trouble with last night...

[lano1106]

The municipal inspection did happen. He had a very arrogant attitude. Not listening to my plea. Stupidly apply rules without any discernment. I felt anger... When he left, I did playback the whole meeting except that I was imagining being violent with the guy...

Then I asked myself why I was feeling so much aggresivity. It turns out that this is how you feel when someone else impose their power on you and that you feel helpless. Violence is the last resort primal instinct to defend yourself. When you are in control, you don't feel the need to expresse aggressivity.

Bottomline, the guy is an asshole. So I decided to hire a lawyer to defend myself. In fact, before even doing that, I decided to go read the municipal rules that the inspector did throw in my face to tell me that I was in infraction that I had no clue what he was talking about... And it turns out that he is wrong and I can proof that in court so I feel very relief from that whole situation.

Beside that, I had a water problem in my basement. I did called my insurance company and they did send me a cleaning technician team. One of the cleaning person was a very sexy big breasted woman. I felt the current with her... I did flirt a bit with her... You know when they say that cute women won't come ring at your door unless you go out to meet them... Well this thing was pretty much it... A sexy woman did ring at my door...

Who knows maybe it is DMSI 3.3 effect starting to manifest itself which is weird since I won't use it as soon as it is released since I'm committed to finish AM program first (I'm on it at least up to January...)

[lano1106]

This week, I am feeling that the girls are more distant with me than how they are usually...

The funny thing, is the conclusion that I have reached explaining this phenomenom... They feel powerfully attracted to me... I'm not the good old friendly male buddy... They carefully try to stay away from me because they know that getting too close is too dangerous for doing things that they know could easily happen...

That is one hypothesis among others. Who knows. But it feels damn good to believe that. That is probably AM6 positive reframing skill programming that makes me see things that way. I find it hilarious and pretty good explanation at the same time...

Beside that, I find myself being able to delegate more easily. I'm giving responsabilities to my partner. He enjoys and he is getting pretty good at it... Trusting people and delegating responsabilities is certainly a trait of good AM leadership...

I feel things going in the right way... Surfing the good vibe for now...

[lano1106]

at my gym, there is another AM. A firefighter guy. I don't know but sometimes I was feeling that he was doing small subtle things to assess his superiority over me... You could argue if this was done consciously or not.. but just yesterday, we were 4 guys and at least 8 women in the class. I did start to workout at my pullup bar. I did place my towel and bottle near my spot, I went somewhere else and when I came back the firefighter guy took my place. The beta thing would have been to take my stuff and find another spot. but I told him: Hey this is my bar! Go back to your spot. He did complain a bit but he went away. This is a 'small victory' I did assess myself over another guy that I consider alpha and I have it my way...

[DavisMind91]

This week, I am feeling that the girls are more distant with me than how they are usually...

The funny thing, is the conclusion that I have reached explaining this phenomenom... They feel powerfully attracted to me... I'm not the good old friendly male buddy... They carefully try to stay away from me because they know that getting too close is too dangerous for doing things that they know could easily happen...

That is one hypothesis among others. Who knows. But it feels damn good to believe that. That is probably AM6 positive reframing skill programming that makes me see things that way. I find it hilarious and pretty good explanation at the same time...

Beside that, I find myself being able to delegate more easily. I'm giving responsabilities to my partner. He enjoys and he is getting pretty good at it... Trusting people and delegating responsabilities is certainly a trait of good AM leadership...

I feel things going in the right way... Surfing the good vibe for now...

I can relate, women at my job even months after I’ve stopped using AM6 seem to invade my space or touch me uninvited one week and then the next they act distant. I’m indifferent either way at this point but I think it’s because most of them are already take and trying to behave themselves. But in my experience women like to tease and be teased on many levels, I see it as a game, as the man you always choose whether or not you want to play at that moment.

[lano1106]

Very good point Davis and you add something that I have missed. Not only, I frame positively whatever is coming at me, the end result is that I am indifferent one way or another which is an important part of being AM.

[lano1106]

I must be around mid stage 4... This stage is pretty much eventless... or I don't feel like writing down minor events that are devoid of meanings related to the AM6 journey...

Except one thing. I do defend every inch of my rights... and sometimes not in the most refined way...

This has the effect of annoying people around me including family members. Dealing with my sister is particularly challenging...

I feel totally entitled to stay firm in my position but there should be a way, maybe by staying calm, to hold a position firmly while staying calmer in a way that the person that I am arguing with has no other choice than to accept my position and be happy...

In some situations, I still get upset like I was in the first 2 stages. This is not the best way to react to shit test thrown at me...

UPDATE: This is funny as hell... I started to write down this small journal log... and then I had a bunch of flashes of experiences in the last 2-3 weeks...

Life has been hard with me lately... My mom that did passed away. A sewer backup sinister in the basement. and I was desperately needing a payment of few thousands dollars last week simply to pay the regular bills to find out that it would be delayed by 2 weeks because I did a single digit error when I communicated my bank account info for the transfer. This makes me worried about finance. I was planning to do social activities to change my mind and relax a bit that I did finally cancelled because I had no cash. I got a stomach flu this week. Yeah and I'm not even telling about the harassment from a municipal inspector that I suspect being a vicious lying psychopath...

When you consider all of that... maybe it is normal that my fuse is rather short... and overall, I'm keeping my calm not that bad despite some small burst of irritability...

[lano1106]

Today is my last stage 4 day. Tonight, when I go to bed, I'll flip to Stage 5.

So here is my stage 4 impression... I got a rough month and yes this undoubtedly influence my perception. All in all, rough times have been easier to deal with... That alone was a huge test on my alphaness...

Beside that, not much to report... The behavior changes have been smooth and not that obvious BUT... I must admit that since the last few weeks, more often than otherwise, I get the outcome that I desire when I deal with others... This is huge... and this is by definition what being an alpha male is....

This week, I got a very interesting insight about women psychology... Monday, a new girl just joined the gym... She is very hot.. very young and she basically has a cheerleader body (my 2 female buddies own words).

My 2 female friends started to gossip about the new girl. She is superficial... she is this and that... Basically, they felt insecure, threatened and were trying to lower down the new girl value... I was blown away by that because yes the new girl is really hot but these 2 women by my standard are very very nice too (in fact, I have been talking many times about the hot young blonde babe in my DMSI journal and this one too). I was describing the blonde girl as my ideal woman physical embodiment... Maybe she did drop a little bit in my perception (AM effect?) but she is still very hot....

The important takeaway is that even hot women have insecurities... they are just normal person that may or may not have a high self-esteem even if she is very hot...

To end the anecdote with the new cheerleader body girl at the gym... This new girl was keeping looking at me and she was smiling at me.... At the end of the class, she did bump into me and we did talk a bit and over her shoulder, I could see the 2 other girls looking at us...

idk, but I feel that some attraction/preselection/jealousy plot is getting installed...

I'm having a Christmas party this saterday at the gym... This is going to be interesting to find out what happens to those social interaction when some alcohol is poured in the mix........

I'm looking forward it (and I'll start exhibit Stage 5 behavior!)

[lano1106]

I got some good female attention since I started stage 5.

There is a woman who did ping me on FB to see if I was interested in to participate with her in a friendly crossfit competition. She is very excited that I accepted and eager to do the competition together. This happening later today.

Yesterday, I went to the gym. It was a very small class. There was 3 women and 2 guys. these 3 women are women that I enjoy being with... So it was really nice setup from the start.

At the end of the class, I ended up talking with one of the girl... and the interaction was going on and on and on... It was interesting... It was like the girl and I were reaching a new level of rapport that we never reached in the past. So the interesting thing is that in order for that to happen, she needs to be attracted by my behavior to be willing to open up to me this new level of intimacy... So this is a really good effect of the AM program so far.

And as we were speaking... Another woman from the next class overheard our discussion. I was talking about some elbow/forearm injury and she came from behind and started to touch my forearm and ask me if it was this area that was annoying and she gave me advice about what to do... AFAIK, it was the first time this woman was touching me...

And what she was sharing with me was interesting. She had some muscle elongation. That muscle attach the quadriceps to the pubic bone and as she was pointing the muscle, she was essentially pointing at her pussy. Her osteopath therapist gave her some flexibility exercises to do before going to bed. and as she was doing her exercises by putting her leg outside her bed, this was annoying her bf. idk, if it was on purpose... but to listen to her story, I had to imagine her (naked? yeah I think that I did that...) in her bed at night with moving her naked legs... I like to think that if it wasn't on purpose consciously... it was unconsciously because she wants to seduce me and she likes me to imagine her in a bed...

As always, stage transitions always come with some magical like superpower manifestation... Lets hope this magic continues for the rest of the stage duration...

[lano1106]

I had a lot of dreams last night. A recurring theme was having to argue against blatant abuse of power from authority. ie: A ticket trap where some police men were hiding the circulation lights so that you couldn't see that there was a red light.

Then I don't know how that fits with the rest but I ended up flying with a swarm of ducks that were doing weird acrobatics in the air a little bit like a roaller coaster ride...

[lano1106]

Monday gym session made me realize something. I'm getting more and more rapport with pretty much all the women out there (and everyone else in general for that matter). At the class, we were 4 women and 4 guys. One of the girl was a new girl. She is obviously out of question when it comes to hit on her since she is the gf of one of my gym buddies.

but despite that self-imposed boundary, I couldn't help but appreciate her beauty and sex appeal. Incredibly feminine small black woman. She was working out like 4 feet away in front of me.

She was doing overhead squat snatch facing sideway so she was showing me her profile. That was incredibly hot and bothering to look. but it was nothing compared to the second exercise where she was doing push-ups on her knees showing her ass straight in my face where I could see everything distinctly under her molding black workout pants. Oh boy, that was distracting...

Despite her great beauty, I couldn't help to do some friendly banter with her and her bf after the class. She is definitely a nice girl.

The other interesting anecdote is that the lesbian friend with whom I did participate to the crossfit competition this week-end. She was accompanied by her gf. You know, whenever I am with her, I kinda appreciate her feminine energy and let this appreciation create some subtle sexual tension between us without giving out any importance to it since nothing can happen because of her orientation. The funny thing is that I felt the same thing with her gf when she presented her to me. A very sweet girl btw.

Well, that lesbian friend did text me yesterday telling me that she would like to go take a coffee or eat out with me sometime... That is the type of suggestion that I would do to a girl if I wanted to hook up with her... What type of crazy adventure am I about to experience? Could she and her gf be bi after all and am I positioning myself into some threesome?? Well lets see... this is getting interesting...

Somehow, stage 5 feels cool and fun to experience... It feels like some sort of James Bond adventure... Let the adventure continue and see what's next!

[lano1106]

Yesterday, I didn't felt like going to the gym because I currently have a cold and I got some muscular pain in the upper back and some sort of annoying tennis elbow.

So instead of going to the gym, I call to get a massage session appointment. I like to get myself some good massage once in a while as it relax me and I was more than overdue for that! My appointment was with a cute young new therapist. The place I go, you take an appointment and unless you specify with who you want your appointment, they assign you whatever therapist is available. Since, I like variety and surprises, I never mention with who I want to be. And anyway, I go there so rarely that I forget their names anyway...

During the massage, the therapist said few things to me that I interpreted as hints that she was interested to me and was flirting with me. She did throw some new age stuff such as my left arm injury may mean that since the left side body is connected to the right brain hemisphere which is the creativity center, I may need to find some fun activity with someone to relax and have fun... Then she said something along the lines that when she receive a massage, sometimes she FEEL EXCITED and it is HARD to be in the present when she knows something really fun is waiting for her right after the massage. (that sounded like some NLP hypnotic commands! ;-)

Ok, in case it comes to your mind that I was in some shady massage place and the girl was attempting to sell me the idea of a "happy ending" No, this is not the case. I have been to this place easily for the last 15 years and the place is totally legit and professional. I do suspect that the therapist (only female staff) do sometimes flirt a little bit with clients to play in the men fantasies and receive better tips but I also believe that most of the times, the therapist are really nice with me and are genuinely intested to me because I'm a charming and seductive, sexy man...

So I started to ask questions to possibly offer her to go out with her.. (that was the intent and took control of the direction of where the discussion was leading to) So I did ask her what she did like to do to have fun? Yoga receive massage, being outside... I did ask her if she did like to party... Her answer was interesting. She said that when she was 18, she did a lot but not anymore. Now she that is more mature... She likes to hang out with older persons... (Was she trying to qualify to me here? She is less than 25... I would say maybe 21... 22 max). She likes to go in place where the music isn't loud where you can hear each other talking... I just happen to know a bar maybe 3 blocks away that pretty much fit that description. I asked her if she knew the place? No she doesn't... She never explored her workplace surrounding much...

I was expecting some curiosity but I didn't felt as much as I wanted from her... I could have made an explicit request to see if she would like to try out the bar with me... but I didn't... My train of thoughts was... She is cute... She is young... We definitely share some intimacy since I'm getting massaged naked by her on a table... she did flirt and demonstrate some interest... but what other qualities did she demonstrate that would justify my interest in going out with her? I could not answer to that so I just did the discussion die... I closed my eyes and did focus on the remaining massage session time.

On my way out, I did left her $5 tip as I always do unless the massage went terribly bad... and we did continue to talk maybe 2 more minutes... I could see sparks in her eyes and feeling the sexual tension between us (I'm getting better to see it and recognize it for what it is...).

So in summary, there is 3 things that I find worthy to note. First, I like how I'm becoming harder to impress. It becomes natural to require women to invest more in me to win my interest and that is certainly a good frame to maintain in all man-woman interaction...

Secondly, I did notice that I had an intent in mind and took control of the discussion to bring it toward what I had in mind. I start to realize that this aspect is becoming crystal clear in my mind. In the past, I did not have that level of control on discussions.. I was more letting it drifting or letting the other have control of it. Most of the time, if you let girls control the discussion, this is bad because a lot of them suck at keeping a discussion interesting... (and this is an alpha trait to control the discussion...)

Thirdly, I can't help but wonder if I would have done the same with the SM programming under my belt. Would I have been more aggressive, bold and blunt with the therapist? Maybe increase tension to make having sex right there in the massage room something doable...

And finally, this is an interogation that I had yesterday and I'm going to check right after posting this. Does AM6 program has an aura component?

[lano1106]

I started to take vitamin d supplementation since the days are very short during winter and I have very little sun exposure.

Honestly, I feel really more energetic than usual. I might have been suffering from vitamin d deficiency...

Beside that, I love how I am feeling around women. I'm feeling more masculine than I was before starting the program. My voice is louder and deeper... I feel like a boss... and as a result, I feel the strong polarity, I am feeling more the feminine energy emanating from the women that i meet...

This is like a new aspect of life getting discovered making it richer... That effect is probably one of the best program benefit...