Lano1106 AM6 journal

[lano1106]

This is a long overdue update.

In the last week, I felt occasional spikes of mild aggressiveness mixed with competitive drive.

Something silly did happen. I was at drug store in line to pay. There was 2 long lines and suddenly a third line did open. The guy in front of me jumped on the new line and then some jerk went to see him to give him some shit about front running everyone in line. I felt the urge to jump in and said: look stop. There was 2 lines and a third one just opened. The guy was in line in front of me. The jerk reply that there was only a line (his) and from there people where going to the first available cashier.

I was boiling and replied: Are you the store manager or something? You have been here for 2 minutes more than us and you want to decide how the store waiting lines are working here? Just shut up and go back in line. and he did.

The cashier who witnessed the scene, when she has served me. She sounded like a pussycat ready to pur. Like she was attracted to the traits I had exhibitted by putting in place the jerk.

Beside that, I have violent day dreaming fantasies. Like I have received an unfair parking ticket issued in the 2 minutes interval it took from leaving my car to go to the paying station. Like I am imagining catching the fucker issuing the ticket and start beating him.

In the news, 2 young children have been badly bitten by a dog. I was dreaming that I was defending the kids with a baseball bat.

I guess that it is ok to imagine those things as long as they remain fantasies. It might make me project some dangerous vibe. I don't know.

Beside that, there is girl at my gym. She never workout at 4h15 (that is my time to workout) and she was there today and have received a warm greeting from her. We started to run for the first 5 minutes. She usually runs faster than me but she kept running on my side...

[lano1106]

I am only few days from switching to Stage 2 and I am really excited to experience what will happen next.

Not much to report back. I do have few ideas that pop in my mind about things that I could do to achieve the program goals (persons to contact, events to attend)... It seems like my subconscious mind is working to get me there...

Beside that, I had a dream with my father in it last night. The details are kinda fuzz now but because of the father figure, I am assuming that there was some connection with the programming. The frequency of dreams has reduced. If it is an indication of the amount of changes occuring in the subconscious, that may mean that Stage 1 goals are met...

[lano1106]

I am just back from Home Depot. I did seek help to find an item that I saw on their website by interrupting a clerk that ended up crossing my path. She turns out to be a very hot woman. She gave me few IOIs with the way she was looking at me. The amount of effort she did put to help me. I made her laugh. Her close proximity of me... When we finally concluded that what I was searching for, she was still standing beside me as if she was waiting for something to happen... I just did thank her and complimented on her awesome customer service. I did told her jokingly to that I would come back to tell her when I find my item.

During the whole interaction, it never occurred in my mind to propose for a date or anything. I could have gone for her phone number. I would think that it would have been probable that it would have worked considering the IOIs that I was seeing.

Well, I guess that the first step in changing is to recognize what I am not doing. So that step is done... I need to keep that lesson fresh in my mind so that I change my mind pattern in reaction to those easy opportunities...

[lano1106]

just few days away from starting stage 2...

Yesterday, there was a new cute young blonde at the gym.

I was like possessed. I didn't stop being cocky with her. I wasn't all over her but I didn't miss good opportunity to make some fun of her with her... while remaining in good taste of course...

bottomline I was on fire.. and this had good effect on her as she was hovering around me...

The feeling that I had was as if I was a spectator watching a movie from a first person perspective as I wasn't recognizing my own behavior as if it wasn't mine. I was more exuberant than usual... I guess this is how change feels at first...

[lano1106]

Last stage 1 day. I will start stage 2 when I go to bed tonight!!!

Yesterday at my gym, something very interesting did happen. A very hot MILF that I did talk a bit with in the past but not more...

Yesterday, she did try very hard to do her work out with me. Part of the work out was 3 rounds of:

20 reverse hyper reps
20 GHD (Some sort of badass sit up...)

and she was waiting for me at the GHD benches so that we can do 'our' reps together at the same time...

Now that I think of it, this type of female efforts to come closer and do stuff with me did happen few times in the last 2 weeks... I love this new phenomenon a lot!

I'm thrilled to realize that some sort of snowball effect is getting momentum to my status at the gym as the positive female attention are spreading among the female gym members...

Yesterday evening, I went to a bar to attend to a small workshop before the bar actually open. No monkey action to report back. It was quiet and I was tired of my day at late evening BUT the barmaid was absolutely stunning. She was wearing a very sexy red dress. I did tease her a bit and she teased back.

For instance, my glass was empty dry and she came to see me and ask me if I was done with the drink.

So, I jokingly said. No wait, I still need to lick it all around

and she unexpectedly said: Are you talking about the glass or you want to lick something else?

This took me off balance as I didn't expect that type of reply...

oh naughty woman... those who have dirty thoughts are my favorite ones....

This occurred to me this morning, that I could have invited her to some some social event that I'm going to attend next week.

That may sounds lame to think about inviting a girl after the fact but to me, this is an improvement because inviting a barmaid doing something with me is now a plausible option...

Going out with a barmaid was something unimaginable just few weeks ago. that must be some AM6 self-esteem magic operating here...

[lano1106]

Original plan was to start Stage 2 today but I have decided to postpone Stage 2 to tonight.

I started Stage 1 on August 1st. Today was effectively my 32nd day of listening. I was planning to make small shortcut and change program stages with the changing months for the sake of simplifying time management. The original thinking was: What is the difference between 32,31 or 30 days... Pretty much the same...

But then Thor did ask how bad it was to have done only 31 days before jumping to SM stage 2. He sounded really concerned about that... The most strange thing is the timing of his question exactly as I was about to consciously skip 1 day... I took that as a sign and decided to stick to the instructions...

Maybe there are good reasons to be exactly 32 days.... For one, it is harder to keep track and it force you to make some conscious effort to follow the program instruction. Maybe simply this commitment and this small active action contributes to the result...

So yesterday, I did set the various stage transition days in my google calendar. I did set notifications and I'll strictly follow the 32 days per stage instruction... The end result is adding roughly a week overall to the whole program length... It will finish February 9 instead of completing it January 31st as I initially wanted to run it... No big deal to comply...

And I can report that after about a week without dreams. I got an interesting one yesterday, my last stage 1 dream... I was playing in an aquatic park. Some wave pools with extremely powerful waves. The waves were literally throwing me in the air. That was really fun.

Then the dream has moved to Las Vegas. I don't remember exactly why but I was under arrest and I started to negotiate with the cops so that they let me do some errands and fun stuff before bringing me with them. They have accepted to let me go so that I can continue doing my stuff and we agreed that I would come back where we were when I am done and I have left them.

I understand that part of the dream as testing authority and simply ignore it. (or I did watch Deadpool 2 right before going to bed... maybe the movie tainted the dream theme... ;-P)

OTOH, notice that in the context of following the program instruction, I am doing the opposite... that is listening to the program authority instructions... this is weird....

[lano1106]

Stage 2, day2:

Nothing outstanding to report. No special events. No new realisations, no dreams. It is holiday.

Well, except 1 subtle change. nothing is said but I feel more polarizing with women. Like I appreciate more the feminine energy and I'm feeling more my own grounded masculine energy in their presence and of course this create some underneath attraction electricity.

I have another anecdote but that one was before starting Stage 2. It is interesting nonetheless. There was an organized social events for parents of the kindergarden of one of my kids and I have stumbled into a woman. We did talk a bit together and since I was in sport clothes because my routine is to go to the gym before going to the kindergarden. So I explain her my routine and then I innocently ask her if she does sports?

She said no gym but she did play softball before her kids. Now she does sport A,B and C. She would like to do more but does'nt have enought time currently with the kids and the job... yada yada yada.

I am really sharp to recognize a woman that put a lot effort to qualify herself to me. I love that frame because, by experience, I know that it is a very fertile ground for more....

I do feel a little bit more tired than usual. I did sleep more than usual since I started stage 2.

This is it. It is funny to see that despite thinking that I had nothing to say, I had much more. It all came out as I wrote those anecdotes...

[JCasterlin]

I have made another dream last night. I don't understand what is happening to me. I have never dream so much since I have started AM6. There must be some dream unlocking in the program...

Not sure exactly what I can get from the dream. My kids and I were in the Avengers fighting some extraterrestrial bad guy. Lots of fight and explosions. That was as fun as watching an Avenger movie...

I am on my second reread of How to become Alpha. So far there are 2 statements that I fully agree with yet I tend to forget and fallback on old beliefs or don't fully integrate in my behavior. I 'm going to write what they are and possibly rewrite them in every journal entries for some time. The reason why I want to do that is that I have heard some motivation guy (could be Tony Robbins but pretty much all of them are saying it) that having a daily ritual to write down some goal/belief that you want to achieve/integrate. It helps you to keep those in the back of your mind.

So they are:

1. Women want foremost a man who provides them good sex. Not relationships. I am guilty of sometimes forgetting that one...
2. Woment must feel like she can have sex without consequences. Hence I have to create those situations since they usually assume passive role when it comes to sex (This one kinda contradict what Shannon says to DMSI users. Let them do all the work...). I was not very proactive in creating those situation. THAT is probably a big one why I didn't get that much action as I could have while on DMSI. Got plenty of IOIs but I didn't leverage them much. Being more alpha could have made DMSI create more results for me

My first instinct after reading this was " fuck what women want" .

[lano1106]

Stage 2 has not been fun for me so far...

I'm feeling tired... Maybe even slightly depressed... I have hard time finding motivation to stay focussed on my work... I am feeling like I'm drifting a little bit... If it last few days, I am fine but I need to get back all my stuff together...

Maybe it is because school restarted and I need to wake up 2 hours earlier than I did the whole summer.. Maybe it is a combination of that and Stage 2 stirring stuff in my mind...

[lano1106]

I have made another dream last night. I don't understand what is happening to me. I have never dream so much since I have started AM6. There must be some dream unlocking in the program...

Not sure exactly what I can get from the dream. My kids and I were in the Avengers fighting some extraterrestrial bad guy. Lots of fight and explosions. That was as fun as watching an Avenger movie...

I am on my second reread of How to become Alpha. So far there are 2 statements that I fully agree with yet I tend to forget and fallback on old beliefs or don't fully integrate in my behavior. I 'm going to write what they are and possibly rewrite them in every journal entries for some time. The reason why I want to do that is that I have heard some motivation guy (could be Tony Robbins but pretty much all of them are saying it) that having a daily ritual to write down some goal/belief that you want to achieve/integrate. It helps you to keep those in the back of your mind.

So they are:

1. Women want foremost a man who provides them good sex. Not relationships. I am guilty of sometimes forgetting that one...
2. Woment must feel like she can have sex without consequences. Hence I have to create those situations since they usually assume passive role when it comes to sex (This one kinda contradict what Shannon says to DMSI users. Let them do all the work...). I was not very proactive in creating those situation. THAT is probably a big one why I didn't get that much action as I could have while on DMSI. Got plenty of IOIs but I didn't leverage them much. Being more alpha could have made DMSI create more results for me

My first instinct after reading this was " **** what women want" .

that is an interesting comment. At first, I got offended by it but the more that I am thinking about it, the more it makes sense.

Understand something, we all have our own demons and weaknesses. If I was already pure alpha, I wouldn't be running AM6... Thinking outloud my ahah moments or highlighting stuff in my readings that might shake my beliefs and behavior are worth noting. My issues are possibly not the same than yours...

but you put a finger on something. Why am I censoring myself because concerns about what the women want?

I would probably be more alpha if I was pushing harder my desire up to a point that could even sometimes make them uncomfortable a little bit...

It is related to self-esteem for sure. I should accept my desires and feelings and be able to communicate them with others without being worried if they will like or not how it is for me.

I should have high enough consideration for me to believe that the girls would be so happy to sleep with me that when I making them advances to them, it is a gift that I am giving them...

imho, this is the ultimate destination. Creating belief about what women want, real or not is a useful belief to help me acquiring the ability to be more open with them. This is an intermediary stage, I would say...

[lano1106]

My first stage 2 week is over. It has been mostly eventless so I had not much to write about.

One thing that have happened is the I didn't sleep well and during the day, I felt tired and irritable.

and this afternoon I got pissed. The regular coach was absent and a young female member got the replacement coaching gig. It was her first class.

It was a workout with GHD. There was 7 GHDs and we were 14 so we had share a GHD with someone else. You need to make some adjustments on the GHD based on your height. It has something to do with your legs lenght. I'm not very tall. 5'6". I ended up with a unajustable GHD that was too long for me.

I did said to a taller buddy: Swap your place with me. You are taller. He said: No. I ask: Why? He don't like the GHD that I wanted to swap with him.

I was pissed. So I ended up going on a GHD after 2 girls about the same height than me. The young replacement coach tried to convince me to go with the unajustable GHD. This is kinda hypocrite from her because since she too is the same height than me, if she was in my shoes she would want the same thing as me. So I stick to my first idea. I want to work on a GHD that is adjusted to my height.

Ok so, I am annoyed but it is no big deal. I am going to start a little bit after the second wave and finish the workout a little bit after everyone else.

maybe 8 minutes later, it is finally my turn. Half way in, the coach tells me to leave my spot to the first girl is back for her second round.

I just ignore her and did continue my set but I was really fuming. I waited patiently my turn while the others where using the GHD. Now it is my turn and I have the same right to do my set while the others wait their turn as I did. Beside, this highlight even more the hypocrisy. If the unajusted GHD was perfect for me, why is it not perfect for the other person that is of the exact same height than me? So bottomline, the coach was lying to me just so that I shut up and use the less than perfect GHD just so that her coaching problem goes away.

The asshole who refused the GHD swap with me finished among the first athletes and come beside me to cheer me up to complete the workout. Honestly this was the last thing that I wanted to endure given the mental state that I was in. I told him. Please I do not want to be cheered up. He stays and continue. I stop. Look at him and tell him: Listen. I do not want to be coached. Can you please go away.. And this time he understand and leaves me alone as I wish.

So as predicted, I was lagging behind the others by a big 5 minutes. The female coach come see me on the second gym floor were the GHD are... We are kinda isolated... She tries make me laugh with some small bantering: "Are you still alive?" I'm not finding that funny. Im not happy with her and I don't laugh.

she come closer and I express my frustration and explain why. She apologize for a good 5 minutes. She was sweet. I cannot stay upset because honestly it wasn't a big issue but simply telling her: You did not treat me well. Don't ever do it again and receiving her apologies it did give me some relief...

You know. This made me think when I have a dispute with a gf and how good the reconciliation sex is afterward... It felt almost like that with the coach... She has a boyfriend... I got an afterthought of something that I could have told her... I didn't thought about it on the spot so I didn't tell her but here is what I could have said to her:

If you were my girlfriend, this is when I would reward you with a reconciliation fvck...

I didn't tell her but experimenting saying stuff like that could be fun... Just thinking that I could have told her that makes me happy though... maybe not so long ago, I wouldn't even thought about saying something like that...

I feel that I did stand for me and told people how felt and told them what to do... Maybe pre-AM, I would just have swallowed the pill...

To me, this kinda feel like the type of experience that I should have during stage 2...

[lano1106]

2 persons announced that they would stop participating to the forum.

For all I know, it seems to boil down to a disagreement concerning the motivation between one program over the other and it seems that a very delicate issue has been touched and instead of accepting the feedback and facing it, the person decided to totally shutdown away as some form of protective instinct....

But this is only speculation and none of my business but this did bring into me the following interrogation:

What is the purpose exactly to make self-improvement through the usage of subliminal programs journaling public?

Well, I think that journaling either public or private is important to better internalize the change. It also make it possible to realize some aspects of the changes occurring if you wouldn't pause and take time to review your day to day activities and notice what is going on in your life.

Now, when you make it public, it helps you to receive feedback from the 'community'. Sometime the feedback may encourage you to pursue or sometime, you may not like the feedback. But any feedback is positive IMHO...

Also, it helps to create bonds with like minded individuals and have interesting discussions with. This community here is quite unique when you think about it.

Not sure most people in my surrounding would understand and be supportive of investing in and using subliminals programs...

It is not given to everyone to believe that listening several hours per day an audio file that appears to be silent has the power to modify someone behavior...

It takes a huge leap of faith to do that and pretty much everyone here believes into that. This is one of the aspect that makes this community unique and valuable and worth sharing program usage journaling...

[lano1106]

I got an interesting day today.

As I was walking around, I was feeling an inner sense of empowerment (maybe self-confidence) and I did notice that this feeling was affecting the way that I was carrying myself around...

As I was in that state, I did stop in a shoe store and the female salesperson that served the person that I was with, she didn't stop to stare at me and make some seductive smirks to me... She was young and very attractive to me...

The other interesting anecdote was that I had to do some public speaking in front of a moderate size crowd (maybe 50-75 persons). Instead of feeling anxiety, I was eager to speak. I was feeling a pride to share what I have to say to others.

Anxiety did never stop me to do something. I felt public speaking anxiety in the past but I had always had the courage to overcome the anxiety and found out that after few minutes it was totally going away and was replaced by being comfortable in the situation...

but it is even better when you stay relaxed and are totally enthusiast and eager to start speaking publicly...

[lano1106]

A lot of things did happen today. Much of that did not affect me. Some good moves... Some less good moves but at least, I am aware of those so that I can learn and improve.

So here are those war stories:

1. I'm selling ebooks in the men's sexual health niche. My business is not particularly loved by big Internet players. I got censored by FB, AdWords, Youtube and Instagram.

One of the service that I offer to my clients is the option to buy a physical copy of their ebooks. Under the hood, automation software forward the order to an online print on demand service that actually print and ship the book to the client.

I got bad customer service from one online print provider so I started to shift most of my printing business to a second provider. I only kept the first provider for printing 1 particular book because when it was shipped in the USA, they still had the best price.

In my code, I had a function called dispatchPrintOrders() that was creating 2 arrays of orders. 1 array for provider #1 and a second array for provider #2.

So yesterday, I slightly modified the manuscript. Essentially it was the exact same document minus typos and grammar error fixes. And I got the following reply:

"We received your updated print file. Our management team has reviewed your file and unfortunately, we are no longer able to print and ship this product for you. The context and photos are too graphic and violate our terms."

To make a long story short, they are a very prude company. Yes there are sexy pictures in my book but nothing that would qualify as adult content...

What I have learned some time ago and I have prepared accordingly it is how that company is a crappy business partner. They have printed the same freaking book for the last 2 years, made thousands of dollars every month with my business and out of the blue, they decide unilaterally to pull the plug without any prior notice.

I did reply them this:

"I just want to point out that I basically just corrected grammar and typos errors.

Otherwise, the content is essentially identical to what you have printed and ship for me for the last 2 years.

So this decision looks very dumb from my point of view.

Your call. It is the second time that you refuse to print one of my book and I have been very unhappy by the way you have managed an error in automation last winter (particularly the tone used by your developer who did reply to me).

As a consequence, I already started to move my printing business to one of your competitor. The only business that I left at your company was this book because you still offered the best price when shipped in the USA.

Starting from the today, I have moved this last book printing elsewhere.

So I guess this is it."

So with only the time it takes to snap fingers, I did modify my dispatchPrintOrders() function to send all my orders exclusively to provider #2 that value my business and treat me well.

I got rid of a toxic business relation and I feel relief. The assholes could have put my business in jeopardy if I didn't plan accordingly...

-----------------------

Story #2: I suspect my business partner to play games in my back. We have an email list. It is our bread and butter of the business.

My role in the business is more the technical operation while he is in charge of the creative copywriting aspect.

Yesterday, he came suggesting me that we rent the list to a commun acquaintance to an outragously ridiculous price. I did protest a little bit the ridiculous price and did make him accept to present a more reasonable but still a bargain deal to our commun acquaintance. He did accept the counter-offer.

The shock has been when I did receive the email to send on their behalf. I did open up the the document and my partner signature style was all over the place. He writes daily emails for our list and I schedule them into the mailer service so I can recognize his emails. So this is what made me suspicious. How comes that he is writing the emails for a 3rd party desiring to rent our list?

Unless he makes a full disclosure about his participation into this other joint venture, my partner is in a serious conflict of interest imho because the profitability of this other JV is relative to the price they negotiate our traffic...

I confronted him about it and he said that he has zero interest in the other business. I'm still unsure about it but since we are not talking about big amounts I decided to let it go. I kinda know that he is not intentionally doing something wrong. If he is doing stuff sneakily, it is because he is not able to stand up for him because of some sort insecurities or he doesn't want to have to confront me on some disagreement or something else like that...

So after the first mailing, the common acquaintance has been very satisfied of the performance and wants to do other mailing... So I said to my partner who is the contact point that I agree to redo it again except that I want to improve further the conditions of the deal in our favor... I was feeling him squealing and he was trying to negotiate more favorable terms for the other party (WTF?? Which side are you? Are you with me trying to optimize our income or you are working for them?). This behavior from my partner kinda confirm my suspicions about his participation with the promoted offer. I don't care. I need to accept how he is... I'm just not going make gifts to anyone and defend my own interests...

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Story #3: One of my shoulder was slightly injured from previous workout so I skipped the gym and went to a massage parlor that I frequent for over 15 years.

When I take an appointement, I never mention a therapist name and I rarely get the same one from visit to visit. All I know is that they are all women, very talented and cute. So today was no exception. She did even ask if she could remove the towel covering my ass. I said: You can spoil youself...

He, he, in my head, I was thinking. I'm going to tip you well... Just so that you don't interpret wrongly what is happening here. I view this service as totally professional. There is no monkey business happening in this place but lets say that if I have a therapist that is comfortable with nudity, I do appreciate it and it makes my massage more enjoyable...

But then, at the end, she did ask if I wanted to take a shower before leaving. Each room is equipped with a shower. but she did ask me a very unusual favor. She asked me if I could take my shower in the locker room that is in the other side of the massage parlor because she has another client appointment in 10 minutes. I accepted her request but when I look back. I should not have.

That was a total turnoff. It kinda broke my relaxation ritual. I usually come back slowly from the relaxation while the shower water warms up. Instead, I had walk out rapidly and cross the whole parlor naked only wearing a towel. Plus, I have never been asked to do that since I started to frequent that place. I feel that she was testing my kindness because it was convenient for her but she probably had a plan B in case I would have told her that I wanted to take my shower in the massage room...

Acquiesing to her request wasn't very alpha. Women do favors to the alpha. Not the other way around.

I usually ALWAYS leave a tip to my therapist but today. I haven't. That was my way to express my dissatisfaction to having been penalized when I shouldn't have. I did arrive on time to my appointment so there was no reason to push me around like she did.

I couldn't even express my dissatisfaction to the receptionist as she speaking on the phone when I left...
Not the best alpha me this time but at least I recognize it so I can do better next time...