LTU5

[Zubrowka]

Today is the first day in my a-bit-longer-than-12-month run of LTU, that I felt like I wanted to continue playing the sub an additional day after having played it for the 4 day on-period (so I did). That must count for something.

Let's see when I feel I need a break from it. Previously I have been running it 4 days with 2 days of, and have had a couple of periods where I took a longer break of 2-3 weeks from the sub.

[Zubrowka]

There is a slow, big shift going on in my life. I’m starting to have a understanding what I want, the first time in my life i think, and most of the reason why I’m only now starting to understand it is because I haven’t had the feeling that it was possible or that I “deserved” to be happy I think, there was so many obstacles to me working toward my long term happiness and I believe that the beauty of the combined modules in LTU5 is opening up this possibility and supporting my actions towards it.

[Zubrowka]

It literally feels like LTU is dragging me through some stuff right now, and I can just go along the ride, it's uncomfortable, but I feel like it's necessary - I just go with it.

One thing that have been troubling me for some time is my tendency to compare my life to other people - just comparing in general. I know it's pointless and will not lead anywhere, but I still do it, habitably - I think that this stems from low self-worth, which causes me to compare myself to others to validate this belief of low self-worth in some way.

Will be interesting to see how LTU help me deal with this.

Right now, I know that running LTU5 was one of the best choices I made one year ago, and even a better choice was to stay with it. It took some time before the effects started to show, and I know that it took much work before they did, but nevertheless it was work needed to be done.

[Zubrowka]

Bluuuh. I feel blue. Thing feels dull, I don't really have a motivation to do them, lack of energy and just plainness about things in general, coupled with some good old anxiety. I feel like things are not moving forward, that I'm not becoming better - but in reality I know that I am. It's just a feeling you know, that you are stuck in some rut. I don't know what i feel really, it's just like a fog of emotions that I can't really reach. 

Looking forward to LTU6.

[Zubrowka]

It's interesting how things can change from one day to another. Yesterday I had a day of crippling anxiety which really more or less forced me to go to bed because I couldn't think straight. Today, sun was out, I went out for a run, feeling pretty positive and centered.

[Zubrowka]

I have been experiencing some interesting synchronicities during the past weeks. A while ago I was thinking about that I needed to have a suit - a couple of weeks later a friend of mine calls and say he is moving out and have some spare suits that don't fit him anymore and asked if I wanted them. A few days ago I was looking for a Midi keyboard online, a couple of days later a friend text and ask if I want to borrow a Midi-keyboard he has in his closet that he don't use.

Very interesting. I have experienced these synchronicities before using subliminals, but then I got depressed and lost touch with myself and they stopped - most likely simply because I stopped desiring things. So I'm very happy to see them again, and even more happy to feel that "things are connected" - which I almost lost faith in for a while.

[Zubrowka]

OK please remind me to never take up a discussion with a girl who have strong opinions about feminism. They make you feel like you don't treat women good, that you should participate in the "war" they are fighting because otherwise you are just as bad as rapist, they can never be satisfied and see the good things in men, because they are so focused on everything that is wrong, that they can't ever be happy and appreciate anything. They always have a way of twisting stuff to find the problem in anything -and the only "good way" of living your life is according to their standards - it's such self righteousness that you can be amazed. I seriously consider if they suffer from some type of disorder that make them unable to enjoy life and create misery for themselves because they love to be a victim. I have tried at two separate times and it always and in the same way, I'm frustrated and irritated about it, while they use manipulation techniques to make you feel like you are a bad person and should feel bad.

Well good thing that I've learned a thing or two.

- Let go

and *poof* they are not in my mind anymore and I don't have to worry about it anymore, and I will not fall into the same trap again. I live according to my values and if someone don't think they are good enough - their problem.

[DavisMind91]

OK please remind me to never take up a discussion with a girl who have strong opinions about feminism. They make you feel like you don't treat women good, that you should participate in the "war" they are fighting because otherwise you are just as bad as rapist, they can never be satisfied and see the good things in men, because they are so focused on everything that is wrong, that they can't ever be happy and appreciate anything. They always have a way of twisting stuff to find the problem in anything -and the only "good way" of living your life is according to their standards - it's such self righteousness that you can be amazed. I seriously consider if they suffer from some type of disorder that make them unable to enjoy life and create misery for themselves because they love to be a victim. I have tried at two separate times and it always and in the same way, I'm frustrated and irritated about it, while they use manipulation techniques to make you feel like you are a bad person and should feel bad.

Well good thing that I've learned a thing or two.

- Let go

and *poof* they are not in my mind anymore and I don't have to worry about it anymore, and I will not fall into the same trap again. I live according to my values and if someone don't think they are good enough - their problem.

Misery loves company, but in cases like these just leave it lonely.

[Zubrowka]

OK please remind me to never take up a discussion with a girl who have strong opinions about feminism. They make you feel like you don't treat women good, that you should participate in the "war" they are fighting because otherwise you are just as bad as rapist, they can never be satisfied and see the good things in men, because they are so focused on everything that is wrong, that they can't ever be happy and appreciate anything. They always have a way of twisting stuff to find the problem in anything -and the only "good way" of living your life is according to their standards - it's such self righteousness that you can be amazed. I seriously consider if they suffer from some type of disorder that make them unable to enjoy life and create misery for themselves because they love to be a victim. I have tried at two separate times and it always and in the same way, I'm frustrated and irritated about it, while they use manipulation techniques to make you feel like you are a bad person and should feel bad.

Well good thing that I've learned a thing or two.

- Let go

and *poof* they are not in my mind anymore and I don't have to worry about it anymore, and I will not fall into the same trap again. I live according to my values and if someone don't think they are good enough - their problem.

Misery loves company, but in cases like these just leave it lonely.

Great saying. Thanks.

[Zubrowka]

That girl started to share pictures with me with quotes such as "When you are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression".

Then it hit me, that is classical gaslightning technique - make you doubt your own sane reaction to doubt things - and explain it with that you just don't see the world as clearly as they do.



Edit. Found an awesome article on exactly this subject. 
https://www.tremr.com/Duck-Rabbit/men-ar...r-are-they

[Zubrowka]

I'm so fucking tired of my mother. She is a backstabbing bitch. During dinner we talked about a project I had a while back that failed and my dad supported my in this - and she goes "oh how much did he cost you" to my dad in a condescending manner lika I'm just a burden.

She is like that. If she get a chance to push someone down she will.

I need to find independence from her. I don't want anyone to ever have power over my emotions or my destiny. I hope LTU help me overcome this emotionally so I don't get affected by her anymore, and I want to be able to work full time so I can move out.

[Zubrowka]

I listen to different podcast with different people talking - and the common theme and conclusion i often arrive to is that they often contradict themselves. I believe it's due to they talk for wrong reasons - to impress others - not to educate.

The quote from Plato still work very well, maybe more in the time we have right now when everybody can broadcast their opinons:

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something."

[fab10]

That girl started to share pictures with me with quotes such as "When you are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression".

Then it hit me, that is classical gaslightning technique - make you doubt your own sane reaction to doubt things - and explain it with that you just don't see the world as clearly as they do.



Edit. Found an awesome article on exactly this subject. 
https://www.tremr.com/Duck-Rabbit/men-ar...r-are-they

Hadn’t you *poofed* her out of your mind? As a fellow victim of gaslighting, my advice is RUN!, if at all possible. Dealing with gaslighting is extraordinarily frustrating and destructive.

And watch out for rule 20.
 
Be strong, good luck!

[Zubrowka]

Yeah well I stopped taking her words seriously at least, knowing that she is trying to push an agenda.