Journal of a Rocket Surgeon

[DarthSussudio]

...still haven't eaten, but I've gotten a bit of work I've been meaning to do on a side project nearly done.

Very, very, very curious about Shannon's latest development with TUW+the Optimus Engine. Have had very little time to engage in tests of the other TUW's yet.

I should really get a notebook, and mind map out some of the stuff I've been thinking about visa vi the AM, and some of the experiences I've been having. Some women are responsive, very responsive lately, and some aren't. I am ambivalent.

I should probably eat something.

[DarthSussudio]

So I've had a series of not too pleasant dreams lately. One involved a dumb horror movie set up (alone in a cabin, people trying to get in and attack me. Yawn.) Last night in my dream I hit a co-worker who is universally hated for his awful behavior, and the fact that he never shuts up and just continues to spew hateful gossipy bile... it should have been a good dream hitting that guy is everyone's fantasy. He's nearly had me, and everyone else fired on multiple occasions. Anyway, in the dream I hit him in the face with an umbrella handle in front of everyone, and it pretty much looked like I was going to get fired. Then I discovered that I had a tape player/recorder that I couldn't turn off. Why it didn't occur to me to remove the batteries I'm not quite sure. Woke up mildly displeased with this dream.

In other news the hottest girl in my highschool graduating class has contacted me via social media. She said she's always remembered me, even if she couldn't remember 90% of the people in our class and now she's a bored housewife/mommy. If only I'd known LOL. (To be fair I was a little bit larger than life and "memorable" in those days.) She takes a real interest in the things I write now, ah well, there's no cure here for a mommy boredom.

[DarthSussudio]

Just marching along here. AM stage 3.

Good days, horrifically bad days same as before.

Minor observations, mildly amusing anecdotes.

Feel like I should have focused on the academic subliminals first perhaps.

I don't need help calling people on their bullshit, asserting myself or things like that. If anything I need help toning that down.

And so it goes. I'll be done with this in February and can move on to either SM or WM.

[Sean]

Show us, don't tell us. ;-)

[DarthSussudio]

Show us, don't tell us. ;-)

Show you don't tell you what?

My banal observations about the bestest lil' ol' mediocre life I am living right now?

Or that I can tear people to shreds and then gently, politely, tenderly kick them in the ribs while they're down so as not to leave any marks?

Or would you prefer the pedantic? You can't show any one anything on an internet forum, you must tell them everything.

Unless it's pictures of cats, or boobs, or something horrifying like that picture of the person with the multiple layers, and rows of extra teeth in their upper pallet... (cannot be unseen... never sleep again...)

And I was wrong, it didn't take until finals before I had another "rough patch". Last weekend was bloody awful. Foul mood out of nowhere, head aches and so on.

Kind of just like my life before. And just like my life before, it's time to go to class.

[Sean]

Yeah, I guess you have hit a rough patch.

[Dot]

Darth,
I really like reading your posts. yours and About's. I actually like reading everyones but I can relate a lot to what you say.
In my current state i think I'm already rather Alpha ( whatever that is). I'm definitely assertive, I don't take women seriously - no neediness in that regard( I've always been an anti-mammas boy - for worse really) .
I'm not so sure AM is what I will go with. Maybe something to smooth out the rough edges if nothing else ( perhaps AOS or something).
Maybe....gulp....straight to WM - I dunno. I sure appreciate your takes though. Thanks for posting.

[DarthSussudio]

Thanks Dot. I'm doing Alpha Male before Sex Magnet because I want to "do it right" part of what I imagine (hallucinate) being a Man is about is taking your lumps, and doing what has to be done. I wasn't particularly stoked to do Alpha Male, but if that's what you gotta do to get the full benefit out of Sex Magnet than I'm doin' it. (This time with 50% less whining and complaining... maybe.) (I ain't that "alpha" yet.) (It's not "complaining" I'm being "direct" about my perceived criticisms... heh.)

But hey, go for it Dot. Let us know how Woman Magnet works for you if you decided to do it with out AM first.

Aaaaaanyway....

...day 34 of Stage 3. I'm gonna give it 35 just for good measure and then move on to Stage 4.

Observations/Reflections and so on?

I dunno. I can't tell if the subs are affecting my behavior or not. I pretty much seem to be behaving in about the same manner as before. Actually I seem to be regressing a bit. Taking less care of my health, socializing less (I am naturally aloof. It took me a long time to even bother to try to talk to folks. I spent years with virtually no physical human contact beyond weekly martial arts classes/beat downs. I can disinterested in a woman with the best of them.) None of this seems particularly useful to our purposes here.

It's not that I view myself as "already alpha", if there were no room for improvement I wouldn't even be interested in this site or the programs at all. I'm just not noticing radical changes in my behavior from before. Except for the part where I've stopped the behaviors that were actually getting me laid.

Of course I've already mentioned that I've also stopped using the hypnotic products that I was using the improve my study skills and learning rate, so this has been a challenge for me. Not sure what to do about it either, I've been massively lacking in the motivation department lately. Even the motivation to create motivation...

...which I kind of need because I've got to drop this excess weight I'm carrying aside from all of the social benefits to being thin I'm starting to wear out my joints and organs at this size so it's got to go. I have ZERO motivation to do what needs to be done though. (Diet/exercise/weight lifting...effing weight lifting, one of the most effective tools, and I effing hate it. HATE IT.... but part of being a MAN is doing what has to be done with out b!tching about it like a little girl.) (so monotonous...must be done...)(I am quite clear on what needs doing as well, since I've been down this road before. Changing diet/way of eating not "dieting", blah blah blah blah...)

Besides I'm such a handsome silver tongued devil, if I were RIPPED it would just make everything else I do so much more effective... people mistake the wry false humility for self-deprecation when you're a fat ass.

...it's not all turds in my protein shake though.

I ran into "Ling" the other day on the subway platform under Times Square, if you're familiar with it you understand how improbable it is to be standing right in front of the subway car door as someone you know steps out. We were surprised and pleased to see each other and she did something she hasn't done before, she went for the hug and then the cheek kiss. "Ling" has initiated physical contact out of nowhere with me before, but this was the first hug/kiss I've gotten from her. "Cindy" also still banters up a storm with me, although she's never reached for me... yet.

Anyway, I've got this "blue print" of things to do, the minimum really, for becoming the person that I want to be. RIPPED ABZ and all.

...Shannon has me intrigued about the next version of Ultra Success (was that the title) with 5G and the Optimus Engine and all. Will keep an eye peeled for that.

[DarthSussudio]

Big ALPHA revelation after day 35....

...watching Metalocalypse is good for the soul, less good for writing term papers.

That is sage wisdom right there bruthaz.

[DarthSussudio]

Had a rather obvious dream last night.

Was being harassed by what that fella over at The Red Pill Room calls "The Female Social Matrix", basically a bunch of women trying to make me feel bad for being me. (Or whatever, the dream fades.)

Well, I completely blew up.

Just completely tore them 7 different kinds of new axeholes.

The only part of my rant that I remember was something that I've actually ranted at people in real life: "Never, ever ever piss off a creative person. You have no idea how they'll respond, or what they might come up with to get back at you."

[DarthSussudio]

Last night's dreams:

I was actually a Sith Lord, whippin' up on some Jedi with one of those red light sabers.

I owed a bunch of people some money. Couple hundred here couple of hundred there. I didn't have the ability to pay at the time, but was making plans to take care of it. As I was discussing this with one of my creditors my grandfather strolls up with a smart phone and starts recording what I'm saying. This really annoys me because I know he plans to use it to trip me up later, getting into the specifics of the words I used rather than looking at the results of me paying back my debts. He was recording my humiliation for his later use. (My grandfather and I never actually had a relationship like this.) I told him to cut it out, and then when he didn't I gave him a piledriver.

[Shannon]

And this pertains to what exactly?

[DarthSussudio]

Having dreams while listening to the subliminals?

Sometimes an epic lightsaber battle victory for the darkside of the force is just an epic lightsaber battle victory for the darkside of the force.

[DarthSussudio]

Finished Stage 4 now on Stage 5.

Nothing.