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+--- Thread: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon (/Thread-Journal-of-a-Rocket-Surgeon)
Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 09-27-2012
Please allow myself to introduce myself...er... I am a man of wealth and taste...*ahem*cough*
Sorry, couldn't help that.
So, I am on day #11 of AM Stage 2. Not really sure what's going on, what I'm feeling, or if anything is happening that wouldn't have happened anyway. I've been keep a sporadic journal and will back fill in some of the stuff that's been going on, but as of today I'm not necessarily noticing too too many differences.
On the first day of Stage 2 I actually did have a funny dream involving 2 of my favorite professors bringing me my old car which was filled with junk that I needed to sort out and decide what to keep and what to scrap. Seemed pretty obvious.
I'm never quite sure how or where to start these public journal things. At what point do I begin my story, which parts of relevant to the reader, what parts do I feel most like I can benefit from sharing?
Perhaps some basic data?
38y.o. 125lbs overweight, in grad school for a profession I'm psyched for (let's just say I'm going to be a Rocket Surgeon, the most awesomest profession in the known universe...), broke and in debt (school).
Meaner than a rattlesnake.
More beautiful to behold than c-beams glittering in the dark near Tannhauser Gate...
...lord it's hard to be humble.
I kind of went buckwild on a recent 'ridiculous sale' here at the shop. And figured I'd start with AM just to effin' do it. Got Sex Magnet, and a host of others as well. Recently just got the Woman Magnet 5.0 with all the trimmings to boot.
Most of my time is absorbed with school, I had/have/had a real dilemma with doing the AM program exclusively without doing the Learning/Grades subs, but ultimately decided to do it that way.
I've used many other products from many other sources, and have enjoyed a certain amount of successes with them. I am now limiting myself to Shannon's stuff for a bit. (At least the end of AM/SM or WM)
Over the last 3 years I've done a F-ton of work, primarily aimed at achieving success with women, which I always felt had eluded me until now, and I do have to say that I'd been successful up to a point but ultimately have been dissatisfied with the quality of my results. I managed to get myself laid repeatedly, but the quality relationships/types of women I wanted wasn't up to par.
Over the last 5 years I've done even more work towards becoming the man I always wanted to be. Which goes back to efforts I began over 10 years ago...which is rooted in... you see? A serpent eating it's own tail (tale).
To be frank, my idea of who I want to be has little to do with what most folks would consider an "alpha male". My vision for myself is closer to that of becoming as Super Villain than to becoming Batman (an obsessive compulsive control freak), closer to becoming the Bond Villain than to becoming Bond (a government employee).
You know, but with out the whole getting caught thing...
The movie Limitless is a closer pop-culture analog.
Anyway, that's enough for tonight. I've still got a ton of studying and a conference call to do. Busy busy.
I'll jot down some of the things that happened to me during AM Stage 1, which I did for about 35 days or so.
...oh, I will say this: I have more than enough tools to accomplish nearly any task I set myself to... I just don't have the tool that gets me to use them all consistently yet.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - Yuri - 09-27-2012
Hello and welcome to the forum Darth.
Alpha male is not a definition of a centered job or profession, alpha is a way of being someone can be a babysitter and be more alpha than a military general. and from what i understood it will be of great improvement to u because u mentioned u had all the tools to accomplish any task u want but u dont do so consistently, AM will improve you in that direction big time hence you start focusing more on what needs to be done, in stages 1 and 2 not alot of people notice changes as shannon notes, here's a link that was of great help to me when i first started,
http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Help-with-deciphering-the-Alpha-Male-stages?pid=215#pid215
and about your journal this is your journey, you write whatever you want though if u want the maximum benefits note down what u want to change and what needs improvements and see how that works out for you along the road.
P.s That does seem like a very interesting profession =).
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 09-28-2012
Just woke up. This is what I dreamt while listening to Stage 2 last night: I watched the world's greatest porno, upon waking I realize that no such thing exists. Also Peter Schilling's Major Tom was involved some how.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-04-2012
So, Stage 2 has been interesting so far.
Woke up day 2 of Stage 2 super insecure and needy and anxious. Then my carefully constructed every day identity reasserted itself after about 45min of being awake and I was fine.
Yesterday I was feeling all super insecure again, and this time it started while I was in school surrounded by people. I kind of noted it, and moved on with my day but it didn't go away. It was as if all of my successes in life were worthless, and hollow. Less impressive somehow than they had been. All I could see were my faults, failings, and weaknesses. Every woman I've ever dated was sub-par. Every fight I ever won was against a unworthy adversary who didn't deserve my aggression, every gain I've ever made pales in comparison to the amount of work I still have to do on myself...and so on.
This journal for instance- I have stuff written down from Stage 1 that I thought I'd share here, but so far the time and motivation to do that has not materialized. (I am not as highly motivated to post things on the internet as I am to get things done for school.)
Well, I'm going to give this stuff space to see how it develops until it's time to kick it's ass out of my head. "Start paying rent/making me money or GTFO." I had a psychiatrist once who was freaked out by my approach to "mental health".
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - Shannon - 10-04-2012
Generally, when you start cleaning house, you kick up a lot of dust. Likewise, when you start shining light in the corners, you find things that don't want to be disturbed. It's a sort of resistance.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-04-2012
(10-04-2012, 03:48 PM)Shannon Wrote: Generally, when you start cleaning house, you kick up a lot of dust. Likewise, when you start shining light in the corners, you find things that don't want to be disturbed. It's a sort of resistance.
I figured that's what my dream with the professors, and car full of garbage was pointing towards.
I realize that my life, and personality are a house of cards any one of a thousand factors could upset them and I'd be SOL. But since I began over 10 years ago I keep making progress. "I just need to get this house of cards a little bit higher to make it to that next ledge." My progress has been real, I am way outside of my comfort zone these last 3 years.
There's a whole bunch of stuff I am not sure I want to examine closely right now, however it's time to get that extra evening study session in so it will have to wait.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-05-2012
"Let's just be friends."
"Oh cool, my friends help me get laid. Which of your hot friends is available?"
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - Shannon - 10-06-2012
Her: "Let's just be friends."
Me: "What, you mean we weren't just friends already?"
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-06-2012
So last night while listening to the AM Stage 2 I dreamt that reality tv had reached it's ultimate and only logical conclusion. A gladiatorial combat program that was a combination of Jack Ass and Jersey Shore where a group of friends and strangers battled to the death and acted like idiots. In my dream the producers had things stacked heavily so that I'd be the first to get killed. I had other ideas of course.
EDIT: There were velociraptors involved somehow.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - Sean - 10-06-2012
(10-06-2012, 12:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: Her: "Let's just be friends."
Me: "What, you mean we weren't just friends already?"
Too many words.
Her: "Let's just be friends."
You look at her like she just to you the sky is blue, and it was a epiphany to her. Then say, "Well, YEAH!" and yeah sounds like DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - MangoEruption - 10-06-2012
(10-06-2012, 12:36 AM)Shannon Wrote: Her: "Let's just be friends."
Me: "What, you mean we weren't just friends already?"
That's smooth.
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-07-2012
Couple of recent incidents that I wanted to jot down here before they slip away down the memory hole.
1-Last week walking to school my friend "Kim" runs up to me and bumps into me- basically shoulder checks me. Lots of friendly talk and kino ensue before our morning class. Kim's a Korean student at my school, a very cute girl and we've always flirted but in our first semester she started dating a Korean guy so I just let things simmer on the back burner. Kim is fairly traditional, so she prefers to date a Korean guy... or so I thought. She's always been responsive to my flirting, but she's never been this physically aggressive before.
Dating a fellow classmate is tricky at this school. We're a professional school, and I've narrowly avoided sexual harrasment BS so far. (Not that I'm doing anything beyond the bounds of polite society, but you pack a 10/1 female to male student ratio, which a fair number of those being menopausal man haters...and well, you gotta watch your ass. I've watched other guys targeted it ain't pretty.) Combined with the cultural issues, it's not time to make a move.
2-At an all weekend seminar this weekend. My former clinical intern who I followed was there, and completely snubbed me in front of a large group (all women of course.) My only interest in her as a person is professional, and polite acquaintance. I am fairly friendly by nature, but dissing me is one of those things that used to make me react like a venomous dick. Not so much the public attempt at shaming, it's more the presumption that another human being's opinion or a group of human's opinions means a good goddamn thing to me. It's the sort of thing that used to send me into a black black poisonous rage. Well, I've had to swallow a lot of that crap at this school so far. There's too much money involved to mess around going all rage-a-holic, and so on. My reaction this time was just a "huh, okay I'll go talk to the people who actually want to talk to me." And that was that emotionally for me. Today she was civil, and the important folks that she dissed me in front of were more than happy to talk to me.
3-Yesterday at lunch I ran into "her". So I'm a little old and jaded to be getting schoolboy crushes plus my school is filled beautiful intelligent neurotic women, but "Cindy" makes my eyes cross. We haven't been on the same schedule since semester 1, and I only recently started seeing her around school again last semester. Cindy's got a "serious boyfriend" too. (They all do dammit.) I just recently found out that he's also a student here. That would complicate things a bit....Anyway, we only talk in the hallways for about 30sec at a time, but she seems to be warming up to me. Going out of her way to say hi, and so on. Yesterday, I ran into her and the boyfriend at lunch. They were talking to another mutual friend and I sat down and started making wise cracks, and Cindy just about lost it. Totally over laughing at my jokes, and she got way louder and visibly more excited as we were talking. I was kind of taken a back a little, and tried to include the boyfriend in the conversation. It was nearly manic behavior on her part. They had to take off soon afterwards.
Damn my quick wits, and devilishly handsome fatman looks.
These sorts of things happened to me before AM, I just thought I'd relate them since they're happening during Stage 2.
I have much much deeper thoughts, and genius insights but I've got post seminar brain so you'll have to excuse me whilst I stare off into the space of this darkened room and let the drool puddle on the floor as it drips from my slack jaw...
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - Sean - 10-07-2012
DarthSussudio, here's a good couple of links about handling women at the office which may be of interest to you for handling them at school:
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/10/office-game-primer.html
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.com/2012/10/office-game-primer-part-2.html
Having female friends at school is a great thing. While Cindy and Kim may not be available to you, the fact that they enjoy your company and are making big efforts to engage you will lead to other women wondering about you. And if they're thinking about you, that's good.
Good luck! Spend a day being a windowlicker, and then come back with your other insights!
RE: Journal of a Rocket Surgeon - DarthSussudio - 10-08-2012
(10-07-2012, 05:10 PM)Sean Wrote: Having female friends at school is a great thing. While Cindy and Kim may not be available to you, the fact that they enjoy your company and are making big efforts to engage you will lead to other women wondering about you. And if they're thinking about you, that's good.
Yes. This exactly.
Even the clique of man haters and snobby girls who thought I was beneath them are starting to thaw out a bit towards me lately. (I have mostly ignored them for the past 2 years though.)
Thanks for the links, I'll check 'em out when I've got time.