Journal of Alpha123

[Sean]

I find myself often thinking about my former girl friend. Texted a little with her the other day. Many smilies. I must admit I miss her, but I just have to let her go.

I'm finding that this happens to me occasionally as well. It's less that I miss her, but that I miss having someone. The funny thing is that the things I miss her for, she didn't provide.

[Shannon]

I find that often when I think I miss an ex, I am actually missing specific positive traits or experiences hat were drowned out by the rest, and the reality is never capable of being different than it already was by trying again.

[alpha123]

Thanks. I miss relating to somebody at a deep level. I also miss being sexually aroused by somebody specific. I got an SMS back from her, without any sexual content, and got a hard on. I don't miss the control issues, panic attacks and insomnia.

I am very happy with the new boxing club. It's on the east side and has very high standard.

[Sean]

Thanks. I miss relating to somebody at a deep level. I also miss being sexually aroused by somebody specific. I got an SMS back from her, without any sexual content, and got a hard on. I don't miss the control issues, panic attacks and insomnia.

I'm right there with you, brother: I don't miss the emotional abuse and fighting with the ex in the slightest. When it comes to her, I'm missing the frequent sex and relating to someone familiar and intimately. And when I am tempted by the crazy woman at work, it's because I know the sex would be fun and easily obtained.

What prevents me from acting on these impulses or feelings is the knowledge of how destructive the ex was, and how destructive the coworker would be. Fortunately, neither is giving me a raging hard-on, so it's not as difficult to resist in my case.

[alpha123]

Thanks.

Apparently, I can make my Portuguese teacher laugh uncontrollably. And it isn't very hard. She has asked me not to do it, but I sense that she really wants to, and that she at some level is just waiting for me to do it again. However, the teaching is done through Skype, and if she gets hysteric I will not learn anything. But I am going to check if I can get a similar response from other women.

[Sean]

Thanks.

Apparently, I can make my Portuguese teacher laugh uncontrollably. And it isn't very hard. She has asked me not to do it, but I sense that she really wants to, and that she at some level is just waiting for me to do it again. However, the teaching is done through Skype, and if she gets hysteric I will not learn anything. But I am going to check if I can get a similar response from other women.

The trick is to do it at the end of the lesson. The "work" is done, so then it is time to play. Enjoy playing with every woman you can, man!

[alpha123]

I am getting more relaxed around women, it seems like I don't care.

Work is going well.

The boxing trainer says I am good at keeping my focus even when hit. He says taking a punch is not painful, and that I shouldn't worry. So the book worm doesn't worry.

I am a bit fed up with listening to the subs all the time, but I am determined to keep going.

[alpha123]

I was out with some friends yesterday, as well as my former girl friend. Talked with her a bit. I told her that I have started boxing, and had to repeat this several times in order for her to get it. Two other women eyed me up a couple of times.

A couple of days ago, one women complained about me leaving the dance hall early. I just didn't want to dance any more. I danced with another one that enjoyed me doing flirting dance moves. Flirting while dancing doesn't have to mean anything.

Next, week I'll have a new boxing session with the trainer. I am still a little scared, even if everything went OK the last time. He punches me very quickly, if not that hard, if I don't keep a proper guard. After several rounds in the ring, I punch the bag and run around until I am completely exhausted, and then a little more. I feel it is a problem that I don't really want to punch anybody, on the other hand, it is a good quality not to get angry. In boxing, if you loose your temper, you are also likely to loose the match (unless you're Mike Tyson, I guess). Also, boxing outside the ring is very bad, and I am very confident that I will not do that. Even if I know in my heart I will never do it, it gives me confidence when I am among other men. Not so much the fact that I am able to throw a punch, but rather that I know I have the courage to enter the ring.

[alpha123]

Talked with an old soldier today. He has cancer, and will only live for a limited time. He was quite cheerful and said he refused to be unhappy. He still goes to work, only he can't get up as early as before because of the pain. I suddenly realized he was a real alpha. There is hope.

[Shannon]

We all live for a limited time, and like success, happiness is usually a choice, even if it is not always a conscious one. That man is a leader for sure.

[alpha123]

A few days into Stage 5 of SM 2.0.

I feel relaxed, and everything seems OK. I am sleeping well. Work is fine. It is almost as if I something is wrong, because nothing is.

During SM, and it isn't finished yet, I have talked to a lot of women. A couple have been very interested, but I have not been interested in them. It seems I do not want sex only. Women routinely tell me that they have a boyfriend or a husband, which is amusing.

[Shannon]

They usually do that spontaneously when they want to tell themselves they shouldn't have sex with you, and they want you to shoulder at least half the burden of preventing it. In other words, when they do that and it doesn't seem to make sense (because you're not trying to do anything), she's actually saying... "I really want to f*** you, but I want to have some excuse for it before it happens, so I'll tell you I'm taken and hope you keep going, because then I get what I want, but I can blame everything on you, because hey, I told you I was taken."

[alpha123]

The other day a punched the punch bag at the gym so that a metal ring broke and it fell down. It made me feel like Captain America, "Hey, you have to fix this". But, my left hand is now bruised, so perhaps it was not so smart.

I am selling and saving, because I am going to Brazil!!!!!

Shannon: Yes, do update Become Irresistibly Attractive To Beautiful Women. I want it, but you must give me an discount on the update. I haven't started the one I bought yet.

I have noticed I do have fear for a lot of things, too many to mention. On the other hand, I also do things that takes courage. I often notice women take an interest, and I really like that.

[Benjamin]

Hahaha.. maybe your way too strong

I've done that before, but it was only after the bag got alot of abuse. I broke the bag at the gym I used to goto and not long after apparently we weren't allowed to use it anymore outside of group classes 'incase you hurt yourself'.

Pfft..