Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid)

[Reznik]

Amazing the difference it creates, isn't it?  The description of your time off almost makes me wonder if the reason for ADD/ADHD is not in whole or in part actually some part of the subconscious running rampant.

That's a super interesting concept. Maybe ADHD sufferers are missing an ability to somehow cause the subconscious to "tone it down" and not be running on '11' 24/7 (Spinal Tap reference). Or maybe still, if the subconscious is running all the time anyway, for people with ADHD some aspects of it runs closer to the conscious threshold. Just enough to have impact on us in a way it doesn't for other people and we lack an ability to set or maintain a boundary for it. That is, to push it back away from the threshold of consciousness. Interesting...

[Reznik]

Day 4-8 Cycle 2

Note: I'm still keeping daily private journals but I've decided to do more of a weekly or per cycle summary update here. I think it gets kind of monotonous posting "nothing major happened" or similar every day. Most days it's just notes for myself.

It did feel like it took the first few days of the cycle to get back "up to speed" from the off cycle. Well I'd have to say days 4-5 feels like the program has only been maybe 50% as effective as the first cycle. I was barely productive compared to the first cycle. Days 6-8 I had almost no desire to even play the program and in fact even had debates with myself about playing it, but I did. I did get some insight into this, and I'll write it at the end. Days 6-8 I was easily able to talk myself out of staying focused. I feel like old me again. Everything that I think of that I want to do or need to do sounds boring (see the meme quotes I posted above); so I don't do anything. Everything evaporated again. I wasted a lot of time these last three days looking at absolutely pointless things on google maps and watching pointless videos on youtube, wasting time scrolling through Reddit reading about trivial things. I told myself I need to complete my coursework and work on other projects and then immediately thought "it's too boring or not interesting" and so I didn't. But it's no problem to spend hours watching stupid videos that don't do anything for me...

I feel tired but not as tired as I was at the end of the first cycle. Sleep wasn't a problem at all this cycle though. I fell asleep with no problem and had normal sleeping hours so I was really happy about that. I haven't changed anything about how I play the program. Playing it as I'm falling asleep, four loops. Daily taking two tsp of fish oil and a vitamin B supplement.

I'll be honest. Right now I'm not convinced this program is a viable option for me for my long term treatment of my ADHD. And I know there is no claim or anything that it can be one. I have hopes that it is though, and it was my choice to give it a try. After how it's been the last three days, I'm not sure. But I'll continue on and see. There is something subtly different though overall and in general like I wrote about before. So that gives me hope.

Insight : There is a very strong chance that I can be experiencing some major resistance to the side effect of success and accomplishment that I've achieved the first cycle. I've struggled with a "fear of success" mentality my whole life. And as I've worked through the first cycle and enjoyed getting things done and feeling for the first time like my life was mine and I was taking control of it; these fears can come in and sabotage everything. So what to do about that? One thing at a time I guess.

[Shannon]

This definitely sounds like subconscious sabotage and resistance. I'm curious how much of boring is a real problem and how much of it is escapism from responsibility. What if ADD or ADHD is really an inner child with too much control?

[JCasterlin]

As someone who also has ADHD I find your journal fascinating. If I was running OFV3 I would be very tempted to run LFC.

[Reznik]

This definitely sounds like subconscious sabotage and resistance. I'm curious how much of boring is a real problem and how much of it is escapism from responsibility. What if ADD or ADHD is really an inner child with too much control?

Thanks for your insight into that Shannon. I wish I knew so I could take action on it!

[Reznik]

As someone who also has ADHD I find your journal fascinating. If I was running OFV3 I would be very tempted to run LFC.

The reason I wanted to post a journal about my experience is to help both sufferers and Shannon. I'm glad it can give you some insight.

[Reznik]

Day 1-2 Cycle 3

Something happened during the off cycle (which was two days this time). It's like the script is starting to gain a foothold in my brain. I just subtly had a desire to focus and got working again on coursework and projects in a more natural feeling way than before. I was expecting this strong desire to kick me like it did the first few days of the first cycle, but it hasn't worked like that. I'm happy to report that it feels like it's working but in an unexpected way. Baby steps. It's only the third cycle of the first playthrough. 

Unless something really big happens I'll write again at the end of the cycle.

[Shannon]

The goal of long term use is to gradually install the script as new subconscious programming that becomes the default. The closer you get to that the less obvious it will be.

[MegaMan]

Day 1-2 Cycle 3

Something happened during the off cycle (which was two days this time). It's like the script is starting to gain a foothold in my brain. I just subtly had a desire to focus and got working again on coursework and projects in a more natural feeling way than before. I was expecting this strong desire to kick me like it did the first few days of the first cycle, but it hasn't worked like that. I'm happy to report that it feels like it's working but in an unexpected way. Baby steps. It's only the third cycle of the first playthrough. 

Unless something really big happens I'll write again at the end of the cycle.

I also experienced this on MLS, which has some overlapping goals with LF&C.
At first, the sub is very noticeable and causes a state change. Then this state change disappears and you are almost back to the way you are before. Suddenly you notice how your "normal" has improved. And then the cycle starts again, like waves of improvement smoothing the beach.

Have a great day
MM

[Shannon]

That's called the "tidal effect". It's listed in the Glossary.

[Reznik]

So first off, my apologies for the sudden disappearance. Bottom line is, I had some unexpected financial difficulties that prevented me from continuing the monthly subscription after the first month. Secondly my mom passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago. It is what it is. 

Unfortunately I wasn't able to continue with my experience that I was having with the 3rd cycle because the subscription ended a few days after my last post. I'm now back to square one dealing with my ADHD and it's been a nightmare. Everything is undone. 

When we left off, I was discussing the possibility of some real self sabotage going on (I think fear of success) that I think was making me feel like the sub was no longer working. I was starting to wonder if that was such a huge blockage, it wouldn't be possible for this sub (or maybe any sub) to work until I overcome that. 

Post Cycle 3 Report
In the weeks since I haven't listened to the sub, I've lost any and all interest in all the work and projects I had started working on. Like I wrote above, everything is gone, poof, undone. I'm back to where it's as if I never listened to the sub. I was starting to wonder if I was only hyper-fixated on these projects and now that the novelty has worn off I'm "bored" with them. But on the other hand this is some real life changing stuff for me. These projects are things I want to happen in my life, to change it and make it better. It's super frustrating to know I want these things, but to also feel so bored or disinterested in them that I don't do them (see the meme quotes in the posts above).

A Question
Right now I'm at a crossroads. Shannon I'm asking for your opinion on this. Continue with the Laser Focus or start OF (or some other sub) to smash any resistance to Laser Focus being successful, and then come back to Laser Focus? I appreciate your input on this.

[Reznik]

Day 1-2 Cycle 3

Something happened during the off cycle (which was two days this time). It's like the script is starting to gain a foothold in my brain. I just subtly had a desire to focus and got working again on coursework and projects in a more natural feeling way than before. I was expecting this strong desire to kick me like it did the first few days of the first cycle, but it hasn't worked like that. I'm happy to report that it feels like it's working but in an unexpected way. Baby steps. It's only the third cycle of the first playthrough. 

Unless something really big happens I'll write again at the end of the cycle.

I also experienced this on MLS, which has some overlapping goals with LF&C.
At first, the sub is very noticeable and causes a state change. Then this state change disappears and you are almost back to the way you are before. Suddenly you notice how your "normal" has improved. And then the cycle starts again, like waves of improvement smoothing the beach.

Have a great day
MM

Thanks for that insight Megaman. That's useful to know moving forward, and also a nice metaphor.