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Title: MLS journal
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Hello all,

I'm in the third month of my PhD, not going well. Slow on absorbing materials, feeling constant stress every day, and had what seemed like panic attacks in the first month. I got MLS at the start of September, but put it off until my military reservist was over.

This journal is to reinforce my routine (I'm bad with habits, hopefully MLS will help with that too!). Aim to update this once a week.

My goals:
Pass my coursework, hopefully exceeding the required grade
Absorb and fully understand the knowledge I need, quickly
Pass my qualifiers next year
Pass my PhD. With luck, help publish something in the process. I don't dream to be amazing, but at least want to achieve what I had in mind
**Maintain a 9-6 weekday schedule, guilt-free. Really hope to achieve this, as I really value the rest and relationship time. With luck, I'll have the energy to resume some side passions.
**Work with focus and discipline in those hours
Be a good enough TA

A little greedy perhaps...

I'm playing ultrasonic, 4 times each round every alternate day as prescribed, when I go to sleep. Hope all will go well
Any general advice appreciated! Smile
26 September
-No work today, did some work at night
-Next day (27th), revised and completed my todos. Somewhat hard to focus and the last few hours were spent looking at the clock instead
28 September
-Saturday. Rehearsed a presentation and got smoother at night. Accomplished most goals. Unable to focus though, played a lot and napped for two hours.
-Sunday. Date day. Studied a little at night
30 September
-Monday. Rehearsed and studied. Somehow really calm, although not completely focused. Quiz didn't go well, not able to fully answer questions, and presentation was criticised. Somehow still calm. While in bed, some guilt over not studying. Severe insomnia at night.
-Got presentation grades, a little worrying. Couldn't quite focus but got work done.
2 October
-Wednesday. Got some slides done on the next paper we're to present. Got a bunch of admin done too. Did waste time reading some FI stuff.
Some administrative matters settled. Met a team for next month's class assignment and they were ok with my proposal.
Originally woke up stressed, but I think I was quite active dealing with admin and other matters, that helped me feel better. Feels like the calm before a storm though.
Went out with girlfriend after that. Didn't study at all when I reached home. Half of me starts feeling guilty.
-Thursday. Woke up with worry, but calm after that. Had a discussion and worked on presentation slides + script. Taught two classes, that didn't go so well as I think I came off as really nervous.
Had my first meeting with my supervisor's team. The bad is I'm clueless - the good is the others seem to know and are kind about it. Initial panic when I'm trying to listen to what they're discussing, but slowly calmed down again.
Got decent marks for my quiz!
At home, played for about two hours, but worked on slides and report again after that. We're spending a lot of time on the slides.
4 October
-Friday. Taught a class and more admin, but no technical content actually touched, and I spent about two hours reading unrelated things.. Don't feel like I did anything.
-Saturday. Submitted all due reports, then rehearsed my slides several times. After that, gamed mostly.

Thoughts: Lull this week, so I'm gaming a lot at night and in the weekend. Half of me feels guilty. Need to be more focused during weekdays. In any case I won't have this luxury next week...
6 October
-Sunday. Date day. Studied a bit
-Monday. Presentation was ok. Before that, worked on some TA grading scripts, rehearsed slides and revised a little bit of work. Got distracted here and there, but was able to snap back much better than last Friday.
Again, no real research work done. At night, revised a little more.
For what's it worth, slept well on Sunday.
8 October
-Tuesday. Slept well but had trouble waking up. Able to focus and read a paper (it was an easy one though). Nodded off at lecture though, but it was something I already knew
-Wednesday. Some distraction but able to pull myself back. More admin!
10 October
-Read a paper and finished most of the slides for its presentation. Again a light paper. Teaching was ok. Able to set up things for mini-assignment. Thoughts a bit scattered
-VERY distracted, feels like almost no work done. I did do work (the grading scripts again), but it doesn't feel like it

Thoughts: Not happy with how this week went, I know I did do work, but don't feel like it was meaningful. About to dip my fingers into the actual research...
12 October (Sat)
-Did a bit of work and then played the whole day.
-Date day.
14 October (Mon)
-Did some work in the morning. Headache from midday on, unable to focus.
-Went alright. Did some foundation reading, able to focus. Assignment proposal coming into form.
16 October (Wed)
-Did some studying. Presentation went terribly in my opinion
-A lot of time spent on finalizing the next class assignment, but still have to wait for the professor's opinion (which means only two weeks to do things).
18 October (Fri)
-Terrible day. Got some attitude from an undergrad, and laptop ran out of battery, then a load of work appeared via email at night
-Reviewed undergrads' code, did some writeup for the assignment, then further refined some scripts. Tried but was unable to get some things running.

Overall: Feeling strained due to work piling up, understandably as we're nearing the end of the semester where the heavier assignments are, and I'm starting on research which is additional hours.

To be honest I'm not sure if the subliminal's helping, not feeling as if anything's changed. Will appreciate some advice.

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