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Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-17-2021
Background and Day 1
Background
I'm a 49 year old male. I'm familiar with hypnosis, the subconscious mind and I believe in mind over matter.
I started out a few months ago listening to the free Emotional Pain Relief and Healing to give Shannon's programs a test run before paying for anything. And I had other plans for my first purchase. Wow! My experience with that program is that it integrated so seamlessly into my life that I can't think of how it was ever not the way it is now (after listening), and I can't imagine that it was any other way (before listening). I hope that makes sense. Without going into too much detail, I've experienced a lot of pain and messed up things in my life but now, I don't think about them. They're just gone, dissolved. I feel unaffected by so much of it now. I know I'm not 100% but I'm night and day different. I want to do another play through later and polish it up.
Two weeks ago I was diagnosed with ADHD Inattentive Type. What they used to call ADD I learned. I did not know it wasn't normal to be bored so quickly; to struggle with making the connection between receiving instructions on how to do a task, and putting it into action; to constantly be chattering away with random anecdotes to a random person in my brain. I cried when I read posts from people that talked about their symptoms. My god, that's me! It's a shame I was diagnosed so late in life. Now I know why I didn't have 20 years experience in one career; why I had so many jobs; why I had so many plans and ideas but could never follow through and finish anything. Why everyone thought I was unreliable and irresponsible...And on and on.
So I had to come up with a treatment plan. The choices were: drugs - effective but side effects which I really don't want. Manage it through diet and supplements which may not be as effective but no side effects. Or this program. After the success I had with the Emotional Pain Relief to use this Laser Focus program was a no brainer! My hope is that this program will get me as close to "normal" as possible.
Day 1
Mid Morning
The previous day I had bought a quality fish oil and vitamin B supplement as suggested. I purchased the subliminal late morning. Listened to first loop. At about the 50 min. mark is when I felt a shift. Felt like flooded with feel good chemicals, feeling of calm. After the loop ended, I went to prepare lunch. Normally my mind always has to be thinking of something; whether it’s singing a song, imagining I’m telling a friend a story about something that happened during the day, thinking about something I feel like I need to do, or philosophy or something. Always something. But after listening to the first loop, I prepared my lunch literally without a thought in my mind. Just being in the now with my food, watching it come together. It was really something I can never remember ever experiencing in my life. That is not thinking about something for more than 2 seconds. It was incredible!
Evening
After the end of the fourth loop, I found that I was able to be more consciously aware of when I was narrating a story to someone in my head and I was able to turn it off, if even only for 10 seconds. It’s a huge breakthrough to be finally aware that telling anecdotal narratives to random people in my head was something that took so much of my thought process. I don’t want to say it’s not normal (maybe it's not, lol), but I didn’t know it was a thing until now. I mean I didn’t know there was another option, or way to go about daily living. I feel like the hybrid trickling stream works best for me. I did one loop headphones masked trickling stream, and the other three loops with speakers hybrid trickling stream.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-17-2021
Day 2
Morning
Haven’t listened to any loops yet today. I’m going to take Shannon's advice and set up a way to listen to it an hour after I fall asleep. Still working out the logistics of how to make that happen. We’ll see how it plays out during the day as for the delay between loops. I still feel like I have a lot of things I want to do, and not sure what order to do them in, like a three ring circus playing in my brain, but I feel like I could sit down and at least stay focused on doing one of the things for some time. To feel like I could really sit and do something for an hour or two is completely foreign to me! It’s a feat just sitting down and being focused into writing this without my mind going all over the place is a big deal. Can it be that this is what it’s like to be “normal” instead of a neurological divergence?
Late Morning
I've been all over the place as far as activities goes, but the big difference is that I've been getting stuff done! Normally I'm hopping around different projects or things but never really finishing any of them before I get bored and move on to something else. Now I'm focused on the one thing all the way to completion and then move on to something else. It's really different!
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-17-2021
Day 3
Morning
Well let me start out by saying last night I set the stream to play 4 loops and went to bed about 10:30. But I had started playing the first loop about 9:30. So I was one loop in before I fell asleep. I fell asleep reading a book. I was a bit concerned that the stream could stop playing if my laptop goes to sleep. I woke up at 1:30 am and I didn't hear anything. Had a lot of crazy dreams. I woke up for good about 6:30. I checked the webpage with the stream and the player was reset to the play position, and not paused somewhere in the middle so I'm assuming it played all 3 additional loops. I think if my laptop went to sleep it would have paused it on the website? Not sure. So I don't really know if it played successfully.
Well I had a strange experience while I was sitting on the toilet. I was staring at the wall and then my eyes shifted focus and I felt and saw a mild zoom effect. Ok I thought, this is what I read about in the description, this can happen. It wasn't alarming or anything. But I definitely know it happened. I tried staring at the wall again and consciously tried to duplicate it by changing my focus, but I couldn't.
Early Evening
In general though, all day I feel like I have the urge to jump into something and get lost in doing it. But I still don't know exactly what I want to do out of a list of so many things. But I have been knocking off a lot of little things. Before I started using the program, I would start something, get bored and then stop, and move on to something else. Now even though it's a "small" project, I stay with it until it's finished. So instead of 3 semi-complete tasks, I've got 3 fully-complete tasks. I'm liking it. Overall, I feel more of a sense of calm, and I can actually just free my mind of everything for about 10 seconds before something creeps in, but I expect that will improve with time. My brain doesn't feel so chaotic the last two days.
I'm actually starting to kick around a larger long term life plan and I honestly feel like not only do I want to start organizing things related to it, but I also have a feeling I could stay committed to see it to completion which is a new concept for me.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-17-2021
Day 4
All Day
Nothing really obvious to notice today. Nothing jumps out. I have noticed that I stop looking at the clock so much. I used to do a time check every 10 minutes and moan about how only 10 mins has passed! Now I'm looking at the clock and thinking; "wow! it's already been an hour?" For example, today I watched a training course on Windows 11 and stayed on it through the whole 2 hour course and even if it was about 30 small length videos. Even the subtitles didn't effect me. I completely tuned them out which I know for a fact wasn't possible before this program. They would have driven me crazy!
Last night I told my laptop not to sleep until after the 4 loops. I woke up around 2 and could still hear the trickling stream. I checked the webpage there was 5 mins left of the 4th loop so I was happy. Did have a difficult time falling back to sleep but when I did, I did have really strange dreams again. I always take that as a good sign, as I believe that dreams are the subconscious minds way of processing things. Like a "here's what I'm working on" presentation for the conscious mind. And they are nonsense and bizarre because that's the realm of the subconscious. It's illogical and emotional but it's a sneaky bugger because its prime directive is keeping us safe even if it's the opposite of what we consciously want. So trusting in the scripts to do the job. And I continue to feel like the time of being able to have zero thought is increasing. Like the three ring circus that normally plays isn't so distracting and also I feel less like I constantly need to be narrating something to someone in my brain.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-18-2021
Day 5
All Day
Super productive day today. I completed another video course. Even though I was interrupted several times by various things, I got right back to where I left off and carried on. At one point I could see how many videos were left to watch and had a moment where I thought "it's too many" and I know before I would have gotten side tracked onto something else at the thought of what lay before me. But I said oh well, and continued on. I did a lot of copying and pasting of notes into documents and I know for a fact I would have gotten bored doing something so repetitive before I starting listening to the program. And while I did think about how much of it I was doing at the time, it didn't dissuade me from staying on task. Again I carried on with it until it was completed. And even more so today I felt myself like "melt" into what I was doing and not even bothering to check the time. And when I did, it would be one to one and half hours later. I also had a lot of aha moments during the instruction on a complex topic. I know that before I would have been frustrated and given up. Now that I'm starting to have a sense of how time can fly, it's giving me the idea I really need to stay focused and be productive if I want to get everything done that I have planned for the day.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Shannon - 10-18-2021
I'm pleased to get some more feedback on how this program works for ADD/ADHD sufferers. I am also pleased to see that it is making a significant positive difference for you!
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-19-2021
Day 6
Morning
I'm not sure if listening at bedtime is the best method for me. I keep waking up between 1:30 and 2 feeling almost annoyed that I can still hear the trickling stream. Like, when is this thing going to finish? Maybe at bed I should play the silent format. This morning I woke up at 2. The stream was still playing. I messaged my friends in Czech Republic for about two hours until I finally fell asleep again about 4. Then woke at 8:30. Maybe it's better to be a bit tired playing it during the day for a while until I get used to that, than to play it at night and wake up annoyed. I'll have to think about it.
Late Morning
A drop in motivation today so far. I don't feel as focused today. I know not every day is a good day. I've been pleased at how I've responded so far though. The difference is, even though I don't feel as focused and motivated today as I have in the past days, I'm still doing things. And that's big. Maybe I'm just tired from the poor sleep last night. We'll see how I feel in the evening.
Evening
Thinking about if I want to continue this as a daily journal or as a weekly. During the off days of the cycle I want to give an update on how the I'm holding up. What changes are happening, how the effectiveness is etc...I'm really tired. I managed to get more things done than I thought I would. Every time I had down time something is telling me, go work on something! So I organized my documents and photos folders on my PC. It's been long overdue and I always was too bored to do it before.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-19-2021
(10-18-2021, 05:23 PM)Shannon Wrote: I'm pleased to get some more feedback on how this program works for ADD/ADHD sufferers. I am also pleased to see that it is making a significant positive difference for you!
I'm also pleased with the results I've been experiencing. I'm writing this journal for myself in my digital notebook so I can keep track of my progress, but I don't mind sharing it here in hopes of 1: It can help someone else decide whether or not this program can help them and give them insight and 2: It gives you feedback about how the program is working, if as intended or otherwise and will allow you to improve the product.
I meant to say, I have no experience with using medication to treat my ADHD so I'm unable to compare it to what medication does or the feeling of being on medication. Best I can do is write down my day to day experience and be aware of changes I notice.
All the best!
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-20-2021
Day 7
Morning
Last night I listened to one loop masked trickling stream in headphones and then at bed 3 loops of silent. I really think I shouldn't listen at bed. I was restless, took a long time to fall sleep and it seems like my tinnitus was louder than normal. Calibrated the volume to where I could barely hear the masked stream or ocean and I used FrequenSee app to make sure the volume wasn't too loud at the source but I wonder if it was still too "loud" in some way. Still trying to get this all dialed in.
Evening
Earlier in the day I did some self sabotage I know it. I made a mistake contacted [a toxic friend] and got distracted by that. I let myself get distracted and started watching pointless youtube videos instead of working on what I needed to do. I'm a bit disappointed in myself for having less motivation and focus today, however I'm still super happy about already being different than before I started the program. I still got things done but to a lesser degree than all the days previously. Am I on the other side of a peak? Am I experiencing resistance of some kind? Something I need to work through? I remember seeing a post about types of resistance on the forum. I'll check it out tomorrow. So now I'm wondering what to play at bed. If the stream is annoying and the silent makes it difficult to fall asleep, then what? Tonight I'll try a lower volume on the silent and see if that helps. If not, I have one more day of this cycle and I'll think about a solution during the off days.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-22-2021
Day 8
All Day
Still not sleeping well and waking up around 2 am. Had an epiphany about yesterday and today in general. It turns out that my motivation and focus wasn't decreasing like I thought. Again today I was working on projects and felt my concentration slipping and a feeling of boredom creeping in but I was able to get back on task after a short time. Unlike before the program I know it would have derailed me completely. And that's why I know it's working. Here's the epiphany. I was mentally exhausted! I recognized it as I was literally beginning to nod off at my PC in the middle of my video course. The problem wasn't a decrease in the effectiveness of the program, it was me being mentally exhausted. Partially from the serious lack of sleep the last three days, and partially from the massive amount of mental energy the program consumes, as well as the demands of my coursework. So that's it. That's why I've had a hard time concentrating the last two days. I'm looking forward to the off cycle to give my mind a chance to rest.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-27-2021
Off Cycle 1
Days 1 and 2
Day one and day two of the off cycle I was so tired. A zombie. I didn't feel like doing anything that required any mental effort. Tried to nap and sleep longer but could never manage falling asleep. Had a call with [brother] one day. He told me I sounded tired. I told him I felt like in the last 72 hours I had 6 hours total of sleep. Even at bedtime I had a super difficult time falling asleep. And when I finally did fall asleep it wasn't very deep, or for very long, 5 -6 hours max. During the days, I watched some films, even boring documentaries on youtube to see if I could fall asleep, but nope. My mind just wouldn't shut down. As compared to falling asleep before I started the program, sure at bedtime my mind would wander with a lot of thoughts, but finally I would sleep. Now it's like the wondering thoughts were energized. And even though they weren't necessary, I knew they weren't necessary, there were there. Only now feeling like with an undeniable intensity and purpose. I couldn't shut them off.
Day 3
Still pretty exhausted. Finally was able to take a small nap. I missed the feeling of going unconscious. Almost forgot what it was like to be fully blacked-out asleep. I could feel the focus affects of the program wearing off, but I wasn't ready to listen again. I wanted to really sleep, and I was afraid if I listened, I wouldn't be able to sleep. Felt slightly more rested than the previous two days though. Still no desire for anything that required mental effort. With the program wearing off, I returned to old patterns. Spent more time looking at stupid stuff on youtube. Becoming fixated on and spending way too much time "researching" trivial things. I had coursework to do, but no desire to do it; just like before I started the program. My new found motivation for the new plans and goals I had made during the first "on" cycle, evaporated. Like so many things before them in my life. Didn't care. Well not true. Got frustrated and felt guilty like before but knew nothing would come of it except feelings of guilt and regret. Saw some memes on ADHD that summed up my experiences perfectly;
Meme 1:
ADHD In The Media: Look a shiny! Sorry, I'm so random! LOL
ADHD In Reality: So imagine you could fix your entire life by doing something that is super easy and will take no time at all. Only you're not doing it and you have no idea why, but no matter how hard you try you aren't doing it.
Meme 2:
All of my plans for the future involve me waking up tomorrow with a sudden sense of discipline and adherence to routine that I have never displayed even once in my life.
Day 4
Finally had a decent night sleep. Less tired today. To be honest on the one hand I almost dreaded starting the program again if it meant being so tired. But on the other hand I feared the slide back into how life was before. During the first cycle I felt a control of my life that I had never experienced, ever. Goals and plans that I now had a strong interest in seeing fulfilled and completed. I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment and pride in completing things. No more jumping around from project to project like a junkie feeding off the rush adrenaline and other chemicals that come from starting something new and when they fade, abandon that project, and start looking for the next "fix". What I felt from the first cycle of the program was stable, real, potentially long lasting. This is what I want, what I've always wanted. By the evening of the fourth day off, I was completely back to where I was before I started the program. I knew this had to be the last day of the off cycle.
So what did I learn during this first off cycle? Next off cycle will last only 2-3 days no matter what. Being able to experience the contrast of how my life was before, compared to what happened during the first on cycle I know I can't go back to how it was before. I've been to the other side now. Tomorrow I'll start the second cycle.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-27-2021
Day 1 Cycle 2
This might sound weird but as soon as I listened to the masked stream in for one loop in headphones, the interest in my plans and my motivation came back to me. I just kind of picked up where I left off back at my coursework and felt like yes my ideas are possible again. They're interesting again. First day back on the program and after three more loops, I think there's not such a drastic, noticeable change as there was the very first time I listened, but I can tell things are different compared to today and the last day of the off cycle. Last time it was about the third day before I really felt like I had momentum built up and was moving ahead. It's subtle and I can't put my finger on it exactly but something is slightly different. We'll see how it continues in a few days and if I can identify what it is. Maybe it's a general feeling of wanting to be focused? Don't know...we'll see. I can tell you this though. Today due to the way a website I was working with is organized, I had to do a manual search on 118 pages. I know before I would have been bored off my butt after searching about the first five. I would have found any reason in the world to stop this task and do something else and milked it for a few days before I finished. But before I knew it, I was on page 100 and I found myself saying "Almost there. 18 more to go" and I finished. I just did it.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Shannon - 10-28-2021
Amazing the difference it creates, isn't it? The description of your time off almost makes me wonder if the reason for ADD/ADHD is not in whole or in part actually some part of the subconscious running rampant.
RE: Journal | Laser Focus & Concentration (5.75g - Type A/B/C/D Hybrid) - Reznik - 10-29-2021
Day 2/3 Cycle 2
Finally having solid nights sleep again. I feel like it's a bit of a repeat from last cycle as far as daily progression. Second day felt like I was bouncing around from project to project again, but still getting things done and managing to stay on task. Third day feeling a little less focused but still doing things. I know it's different than before. I still haven't figured out what the subtle thing is yet. Sometimes there's an inner voice that says: just keep going, finish it. Also I'm kind of starting to feel like I can choose when I want to focus or not. Before I just never could for very long. But now I'm starting to feel like I can decide to focus, and then I stay focused. I don't know if that makes sense. Maybe it will become more refined later and I'll be able to write it better.