Jackie's Confidence Journal

[Patti]

It is interesting how some people have "the gift of gab" to the point of annoying! And yes, I think for the most part, it's our own guilt that keeps us standing there listening...(like we have nothing else to do!). It'll be interesting to see how she is when you see her next time....maybe you'll even be able to get a word in edgewise!

[Jackie]

It is interesting how some people have "the gift of gab" to the point of annoying! And yes, I think for the most part, it's our own guilt that keeps us standing there listening...(like we have nothing else to do!). It'll be interesting to see how she is when you see her next time....maybe you'll even be able to get a word in edgewise!

Some people aren't aware of how they come off I guess. I'm really tuned into people, sometime too much so, but I usually pick up on if I've overstepped in some way and try to correct it.

I admit, I've been lazy the last few days with this sub. My speakers stopped working and just need to be recharged, but I keep putting it off for some reason. I've also noticed that since I've not been listening to ASC the last few days, I've been kinda impatient and irritable. I've also had a lot of demands at work that have been stressful too, but normally I try to let things roll off.

When I get off work tonight, I'm making it a priority to charge my speakers up and start listening again. I was feeling great while listening, and the last few days been more stressed out than usual and kinda sick feeling to my stomach. Sounds like withdrawals!! lol

I'm curious as to whether anyone else has experienced this with their subs if you discontinued for a few days, or if I'm just off my rocker?

[Jackie]

Today I'm really tempted to start using Happiness & Joy with ASC...even though we normally tell people that using one is the best strategy to maximize results. It's calling to me though lol. They just seem like they'd go together so well. Hmmm...wondering if anyone else has tried this combo?

[Spiral]

I would just def. do it Jackie. It sounds too good to pass up. Doing 2 should be fine.. especially since they aren't big sets.

[Jackie]

I would just def. do it Jackie. It sounds too good to pass up. Doing 2 should be fine.. especially since they aren't big sets.

Yea, you're right. It's worth trying anyway, and if it gets to be too much or my brain feels like it's going to explode, I'll just cut back

I downloaded the trickling stream version, so we'll see if it helps me sleep like the ocean waves do....either that or maybe I'll be feeling like I have to pee haha. Oh! But no worries cause if that happens we also have a sub for "end bed wetting"- problem solved! It sounds great though (Good pick Andrew!)

Generally people say that I come across really confident and friendly as well as happy, but inside it's always a struggle. I can talk in general terms about being "happy", but why can't it be a more consistent state of mind and feeling? I've experienced feelings of intense joy where I feel so loving, loved, and grateful for everything around me, so why couldn't I create that space for myself more often? So much of how we feel we let outside influences dictate, but we really have the power and ability to control how we react and feel all the time.

I look at my life, and virtually everything in it is completely positive and good. So why is it that hard to stay connected to that feeling? Why is it so easy to let stress come in? I mean, I basically know that I have the power to either let something bother me, or let it roll off. I've gotten better with this over the years. Man, when I think back on it I used to be really overly sensitive....a people pleaser type who could never feel good about myself unless I was doing something for someone else. That might sound selfless, but it's also co-dependent behavior....not good. It's like I couldn't be happy unless someone was validating me in someway. I've gotten over a lot of that, but I still need to work on finding that inner validation. That's the only kind that really matters.

It's funny cause I know so many things logically, but then putting them into some sort of emotional action is a whole other ballgame. It takes more time for that.

When you think about it, all anyone really wants ultimately is happiness. But what's happiness exactly, and what causes it? For some people it's materialistic things that make them happy. But it's short lived cause the novelty eventually wears off and then they're on to the next thing. It essentially creates a pattern of false perceptions of being happy, but only if something is being acquired. I don't think happiness is any particular circumstance, person, or thing, but a state of mind, a perception that's turned into a physiological response.

How awesome would it be to wake up everyday excited to start the day? I can't remember when the last time was I felt that way. Don't get me wrong, I wake up content, but that's not the same as happy.

I look forward to this tonight. Already I've started listening as I'm typing this out. The stream version is really nice. I won't be surprised if I have dreams tonight that involve me being on the ocean, or floating down a stream....awww...that sounds great. I grew up sailing on our sailboat, so anything involving the ocean and trickling water brings it all back. Those days on the boat were complete bliss. I take back what I said earlier about "no thing" being able to make you happy. For me, owning a sailboat again someday would be bliss.

---

A ligher heart makes for a better day, that's for sure.

So true Cortez. Btw, I've been keeping up with your journal as well, and I know you always mention being indifferent and unattached from outcome. That's something I'd really like to be more consistent with and I'm curious as to whether you found ASC helped with that, or if you attribute it more to your using AM? I don't want to be totally unattached that I stop caring about stuff, but it'd be nice to let things slide off more consistently with out worrying about it.

[Patti]

That is so funny Jackie! Whenever I used subs with ocean waves or trickling streams, my kids would always say, Mom! enough with the water, we always feel like we have to go to the bathroom! haha That’s why I’ve gone silent.

[Jay]

@ Jackie

I can fully relate with what you said, and I can tell you that it has to do with having low self esteem and being prone on thinking that other people have more value over you. We do have the ability to control how we react and feel all the time, but when a negative situation rises having a certain emotion about it is inevitable, and it mostly depends how quickly we can calm ourselves from that emotion, and take charge again.

Among the many beliefs, I was raised with the belief that I wasn’t good as I simply were/am, I had to be or do something for it to accomplish that so it’s not hard for me to think that other people outside of myself are somehow more important than myself and when a negative situation arises I’m more prone to think that the person causing the situation has more value than myself which causes the emotional response to be much stronger.

It’s actually pretty straightforward, if a bum on the streets would yell at you and called you names, it wouldn’t impact you as much as it would from someone you value. And if you value and think highly of everyone outside of you. Yes, then it can be a real struggle. The more value you put into yourself, the less value you put onto others, and the better you can handle the situation in the moment (because a person who has plenty of self esteem will not hold back so much or be affected by the emotional discharge) without unleashing all sorts of psychological theories and insights and spending a lot of time and energy into dissecting the situation afterwards.

It also helps knowing that people are essentially all selfish (for a lack of a better word) bastards, and that we as humans only dive into situations and deals that we expect to walk out of feeling more valuable or give us the ability to gain more status afterwards, or get or refrain from/into deals that give us a better chance of survival. It's just business, psychological trade. We always unconsciously ask ourselves "What's in it for me?" when a new situation arises.

But if you're trained into believing you're not worth much and that it's supposedly rewarding to put yourself aside so you can "sacrifice" yourself for others (with the hope that your time will come), the reward is that you at least don't have to deal with the inconvenience of feeling guilt or the shame into thinking that someone might find you selfish when you do spend more time and effort in getting your own (selfish) needs met. Which makes it a better deal for you, although you still feel bad, because in the end it's still remains a bad deal. Also when you think less of yourself you believe that you don't deserve good deals.

I believed that if I would start getting my own needs met that people wouldn't like me and eventually abandon me if I didn't cater to them or didn't acted nice to them. The silly thing is, it turns out that those people only were there when they could use me, but it didn't had anything to do with who I was as a person. I mean how wonderful is it to spend time with people that have no real preferences, has no backbone and comes across as insincere? And since you're not being honest towards yourself and others, how can they truly like you for who you really are? Really, it's ok to be selfish.

The funny thing is if people do give you the impression that you're being too selfish and try to shame or guilt trip you about it, they're basically saying that you should be less selfish, so that they can be more selfish themselves. Brilliant how that works

As a suggestion, you may want to look into the Extreme Self Esteem subliminal. And I'm not sure if you're a fan of Abraham Hicks, but even if you're not I think you can relate to the following and perhaps gain some more insight from it:

Anxiety, Guilt and Selfish Behavior (1/2) - Abraham Hicks 2005
Anxiety, Guilt and Selfish Behavior (2/2) - Abraham Hicks 2005

[Shannon]

As a side note, the ocean surf and trickling stream subliminal masks - and especially the latter - are specifically designed to minimize the "wee wee effect". I'm kind of surprised to hear that people are having that result at all.

[Spiral]

What is the wee wee effect? lol

[Jackie]

@ Jay: Thanks for your insightful post! I have heard of Abraham Hicks but don't know too much at the moment. I'll have to check it out, so thanks for the suggestion.

I like what you said about valuing yourself. I do value myself a lot, and I feel I've gotten to see more people for who they really are in doing so. I now understand that other people are no greater or lesser than myself. I do have a lot of self respect, but I still seek validation in one form or another. And as I listen to these subs, I'm finding myself more and more detached from that need. Feels pretty good.

One of the little changes I've been noticing more and more is being able to speak my mind openly with out fear of some consequence. I actually ended up dealing with a situation at work with a more candid approach than is normal for me to do. It felt good. I was basically doing a job as one person where 2 or 3 were needed. I told my supervisors of my concerns, and I quit because I felt like I was being taken advantage of and overworked for the time they were wanting me to clock out. After I quit, two supervisors called telling me what a valued employee I was to them, and asked me what they could to do to right the situation. I basically said "no, thanks" but this is how you can improve for the next person in this situation. They not only listened, but told me that my feedback was very helpful, and that they planned to implement these changes, and if I ever wanted to come back that they would more than welcome me.

I'll tell you something...nothing feels better than standing your ground and not putting up with unacceptable circumstances. Instead of being mad at me, or frustrated that I quit, they told me they understood and apologized for wronging me! I know the subs helped me have the courage to speak up. I went into it fearlessly, and came out feeling great about my decision. Life is too damn short to work under certain conditions that cause that amount stress. I won't stand for it.

I guess life would be easier if I just went through it with no standards or morals...but because I do have both, it does make it harder... but also much more rewarding in the end.

Never settle. For anything. That's the big lesson I've been learning a lot lately.

[AwesomeYoungDude]

Nice progress...very impressive.

[Spiral]

Wow, I agree with AwesomeYoungDude! keep listening to the sub and living life the way you really want to! Stress free zone y'all

[Jackie]

Hmm, something interesting changes going on inside me.

For one, I'm feeling the familiar knock of depression at my door. I was feeling this before I started the subs, and I believe that the subs are helping me deal with it better. Depression has always been a part of my life since I was 15, mainly because of insomnia and chronic fatigue. In the last week I've really been at my wits end with all of it, and even more frustrated that I seem to have a doctor who's isn't very aggressive in helping me figure out what the underlying causes are. No, instead they just want to throw Ambien or an antidepressant at me. Having done both over teh years, I can tell you that they really never get to the root of the problem and usually end up creating other problems.

I had a doc appointment today, and for the the first time ever they're going to check my ferritin levels, which are the iron stores in the body. Why just now, is my question? I also got a referral to go to a sleep clinic to see if I have sleep apnea (also my idea). I didn't mention any depression symptoms to her because I knew she'd just try to get me on a pill, and I know enough to work through it on my own and go about it in another way.

One of the things I think the subs are helping me with is not giving up on my health. Normally I just kinda let things slide after awhile when I'm not getting anywhere, but this time I've been motivated to speak up and push for what I need. Even when the doctor questioned me, I told her I wanted certain things checked on my blood test, like hormones and vitamin B levels, all areas that can cause fatigue, and she kinda disagreed that they're related but went along with it anyway. I felt good about that....I didn't let her talk me out of checking other areas that might be problem areas just because it doesn't fit under normal westernized medicine perceptions. I've seen enough naturalpaths and alternative doctors to know that there are many pieces to the puzzle, and you have to treat the body as a whole, not separate parts.

Anyway, I'm ranting, but that's what happened today. I'm also feeling less self conscious too and not guilty for speaking my mind. I also haven't been taking "no" for an answer and have a renewed sense of going after what I need to get answers I need.

Not feeling too "happy" yet, although I suspect I need to get more confidence basics down first before that will happen. I'm thinking of cutting back to just ASC instead of both that and Happiness & Joy.

[Jackie]

Wow, I agree with AwesomeYoungDude! keep listening to the sub and living life the way you really want to! Stress free zone y'all

That's the goal! A few months ago I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't put up with certain things. Feels pretty damn good! I highly recommend it!