In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[dissonance]

Yeah man, I feel like the healing and breaking free from hinderances has been the most powerful by far with DMSI 3.1a than with any other sub. I really seriously cannot wait till 6G comes out...

[mat422]

Late night epiphany. I feel like crap because I'm not living the life I want. I got this new job and everyone around me is all happy for me. I'm not. I've been faking enthusiasm for this stuff just because it felt like I was supposed to be happy. I'm just done pretending to be happy. No, having a job that sets me up for retirement doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't feel good to spend 8 hours of my day giving away my energy to someone else. It doesn't feel good to put my music on the side as a hobby. It doesn't feel good having a life path based around fear that my parents instilled in me.

I've always known I wanted something different in life. I've always had dreams and aspirations and I tried my best not to listen to the naysayers. But I'm done compromising. Am I grateful for this job? Yeah, I'm going to learn a good amount and it'll make it easier for jobs in the future. But I'm not gonna sit here and try to come up with excuses or fake happiness to get myself to settle in this job because of fear. Good enough isn't going to cut it anymore.

I'm pissed because for years now I've been beating myself up about not being able to get my shit together. But you know what? I don't think I'm the problem. In fact, I think the problem is me thinking I need to change myself more to fit into whatever system most people follow. Fuck the system. Fuck the people who pressure you to buy into the system and criticize you for wanting something different.

I don't rant about this stuff in day to day life, I don't even bring it up. I find very often when I do people take on this attitude of "yeah quit your bitching, get in line, you're not special, this is how the world works get used to it". And honestly I'm sick of this mentality. I'm so done with worrying what other people think of me. If they want to call me a special snowflake, entitled, immature, naiive, whatever. I just don't care anymore, this is my life and I know what I want and I'm done feeling guilty for that. I don't have to explain or justify my actions to anyone

[findingme]

Matt, I took today and read your whole thread. I can relate to a lot of it. I am an INFP too, I've had long-standing women fears, and I too have been afraid of dmsi. Reading your thread gave me hope. Seriously. Like you I think about women but a lot of my troubles stem from overthinking problems, or creating them consistently. Often unaware. I'd like to say thank you for being so descriptive of your experiences, as I resonate with them.

The reason I'm writing is because dmsi seems a lot less intimidating since you're handling yourself. Damn it, that's the whole reason we began working on ourselves. Being stuck in the same Loop of s*** is not a gratifying experience, I'm laughing as I wrote that, but it's happened repeatedly. Thank you for sharing your insights on this, as it gives me a stronger motivation to jump into dmsi. I just wanted to share that. Thank you

[mat422]

You're welcome. I'm glad my insights could help you out.

[RTBoss]

I'm INFJ. I was curious as to the difference between INFJ and INFP.

Came across this.

Do you vibe with the explanation about your decision-making process (Authenticity)? Could explain why you feel like you have a tougher time than a lot of other people.

I'm going to have to take some more time reading that article, but for now, I thought I'd share it with you.

[mat422]

I'm INFJ. I was curious as to the difference between INFJ and INFP.

Came across this.

Do you vibe with the explanation about your decision-making process (Authenticity)? Could explain why you feel like you have a tougher time than a lot of other people.

I'm going to have to take some more time reading that article, but for now, I thought I'd share it with you.

Yeah definitely. It's one of those things I tried to change about myself, but I've learned it's just how my brain is wired. Being authentic is very important to me, I've bombed job interviews because I didn't want to put on an act to get the job. It's one of those things that seems great in theory, but in the real world it causes problems and the people who get ahead are the ones who tend to be the least authentic as they lie and manipulate. To be honest I feel like an underdog at times committing myself to upholding values that tend to be lost in this world.

But yeah. That's a good article, I'll have to read up on it more

[DarkPlouf]

Thanks for posting it RTBoss.
These parts resonate the most with me:

Authenticity needs to be able to register how something is feeling viscerally, and often an INFP won’t know the right decision to make until after they’ve made it. It’s especially confusing when the Authenticity user can see a case for almost anything, so what’s true for them has to be carefully parsed out.

In fact, being so in touch with the emotional fall-out of a decision is how Authenticity eventually creates conviction, knowing in one’s ‘bones’ the rightness of something.

For an INFP, because their decision-making process can take time, it can feel grueling to be pressured to make a quick call. Each decision needs to be in alignment with the INFP’s values, and even a decision as simple as what salad to order can be a frustration if, say, their relationship with food has become a part of how they define themselves.

The salad example is a good one and for sure INFPs decision-making is slow...So many time I "sat down" to think about trivial stuff, to imagine if they feel right to me. Actually my friends even told me that I tend to freeze when they ask me a personal opinion, because I have to think and see if deep down inside me the choices/decisions/cases feel right to me.
I don't know if they litteraly mean it that way, by saying INFP's decision-making is slow, but it's surprisingly how I behave most of the time.

[mat422]

4 loops is really kicking my ass. I'm also not used to getting up so early in the morning so I'm wondering if my internal clock is still adjusting. Really want to knock it back down to 2 so I'm not so damn tired, but 4 is really the best for me. I'm hopeful, though I'm not certain, that I'm finally making some progress and starting to work with the subliminal instead of fighting so hard. I can feel the resistance pop up and then I take a few deep breaths and calm myself. It's definitely fear. I've noticed a familiar pattern when I'm alone I start feeling more confident and the power of the aura as well, but as soon as I step out into the world it's like I withdraw in on myself. It's weird, it's like I don't want people to see me as confident or to have interest in me. I'm blocking my own success. It's almost as if I think that the more bold or confident I become, the more I'll become a target for other people to tear me down. So I stay in the shadows so to speak.

Feels like something is shifting. I'm no longer just battling my fears. Instead it feels like they are being slowly released and tackled at the source. Getting to the root, where all this spawns from.

[DarkPlouf]

I've noticed a familiar pattern when I'm alone I start feeling more confident and the power of the aura as well, but as soon as I step out into the world it's like I withdraw in on myself

Same !!
It happened to me tonight. As soon as I stepped out, I started feeling really bad. My self-esteem and self-confidence took a blow, and all my insecurities emerged. I just wanted to isolate myself and I was happy to be back at home quickly.
Really strange. Alone I feel confident and powerful.
I even thought about going on A again because I felt really weak and I thought the h/c would help.

[dissonance]

Would you say depression and lowered mood and confidence was worse on 4 loops or 2 loops? I have a job interview coming up and I'm trying to decide if i wanna drop down to 2 loops up until then..

[XyzN]

.......

[mat422]

Would you say depression and lowered mood and confidence was worse on 4 loops or 2 loops? I have a job interview coming up and I'm trying to decide if i wanna drop down to 2 loops up until then..

2 loops more depression and less confidence. 4 loops more anxiety, but also more forward momentum. Do what you think will help push you towards getting that job.

[mat422]

Gotta drop down to 2 loops from now on. Work performance is suffering, memory is shot, I'm excessively tired, and I keep making mistakes with a lot of stuff. I'm only averaging about 8 hours of sleep a night. Can't go to sleep any earlier otherwise I don't have time to work on my music and continue to improve in things I want to. 4 loops may be the most effective for me, but it doesn't leave me too functional so that's out.

Trying to make the best out of what I've got right now in my life. Everything feels like it's coming together more, but at the same time I feel more locked in and stuck than before. Motivation has taken a nose dive, I get home from work and I have to force myself to make music otherwise I just sit my ass in front of the tv and watch something. I'm grinding it out pretty much. Music is fun, don't get me wrong but a lot of times it's like a second job and I do have to work at it and dedicate a lot of mental resources to it. Sometimes I wonder if that's even possible while holding down a full time job. I don't have many friends with the same dedication, they just work, play video games, and chill. They don't get it, a lot of people don't get me. I'd rather chill at my place and perfect my craft than piss away a weekend night getting plastered at a club or bar. No offense to anyone that likes doing that, but it's just not me.

[mat422]

For the first time in my life I got to be the bad guy. So that girl I was taking to decided that me going a week without talking to her is ghosting her. She also felt I wasn't showing enough interest in her. I don't think I was ever into her. She wasn't my type and I kept telling myself, let's just see where it goes. Gradually I got tired of her. Guess she was used to guys giving her attention and I didn't do that.

My disinterest in women is at an all time high. Seriously. I don't know if it's reversal or what, but I find myself not even caring the slightest bit. It just seems like a waste of time unless she's really interesting to me. Going through online profiles on dating sites I came to realize a lot of women on there just offer their looks and they have no real depth to them.