In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[thor2014]

Once you got your foot in the door with your first job. Things become so much easier and DMSI will i guess be the catalyst in this instance. To move you through the various hurdles you might face. I think whats important is when you get all those light bulb moments as to where exactly you want to go in your career. Just stick to it and keep on going. DMSI will make things easier for you.

Loops up to 5 now. I laid down last night and told myself I'm done resisting. Yeah I'm afraid but I realized it's more frightening to be controlled by fear than to keep pushing and make my life better. All this emotional baggage is falling away from me and I realize now how much fear kept it in place. I'm not 100 percent there yet but I'm learning to loosen up my death grip of control and let the subconscious steer more. There's immense power there, I can feel it.

Going to be starting a new job soon in IT. Full time, getting that much needed foot in the door. DMSI is making my life come together in a way that feels like a dream. A few years ago I never would have believed I could do this. It's only 14 hr but once I have this on my resume it'll be a hell of a lot easier to land jobs in the future.

With the emotional crap being released my music is coming together more too. Feels like if I keep going I'll eventually get to where I want.

There is this fear though I'm trying to purge. It's this fear that things aren't going to get better and I'll slide back into my old ways. Like ongoing success is a fantasy and eventually my luck will run out. It's a messed up belief and I can see how it causes me anxiety. Just living a life I'm happy with, I've spent so many years miserable I don't even know what that is.

[mat422]

Hey check out this page here:

http://edmprod.com/5-stages-electronic-music-producer/

Really interesting and motivating. Also, that site has tons of other good resources.

This site too: https://www.evosounds.com

Feel free to message me anytime, I'm a producer as well. So I'll be glad to share stuff with you like resources helpful sites or whatever you think you need help with. Or maybe I'll learn something from you, I don't know how far along you are

Yeah edmprod is really good. I actually bought his book for creative strategies and producing workflow. I still haven't made it through the whole thing. There's a lot of truths in there I'm still having a hard time facing. Finished the first chapter where it said to work on your biggest weakness before moving on and that's what I'm doing now. Arrangement and general songwriting is my weakest point, tension and release, all that good stuff.

Always good to have someone to bounce ideas off of for this producing stuff so I appreciate it. I've been at this for about 4 years now, but it's only been the past 2 where I started really getting into the hard work. It's been tough, but I love it so much I just keep powering through the low times.

Once you got your foot in the door with your first job. Things become so much easier and DMSI will i guess be the catalyst in this instance. To move you through the various hurdles you might face. I think whats important is when you get all those light bulb moments as to where exactly you want to go in your career. Just stick to it and keep on going. DMSI will make things easier for you.

Loops up to 5 now. I laid down last night and told myself I'm done resisting. Yeah I'm afraid but I realized it's more frightening to be controlled by fear than to keep pushing and make my life better. All this emotional baggage is falling away from me and I realize now how much fear kept it in place. I'm not 100 percent there yet but I'm learning to loosen up my death grip of control and let the subconscious steer more. There's immense power there, I can feel it.

Going to be starting a new job soon in IT. Full time, getting that much needed foot in the door. DMSI is making my life come together in a way that feels like a dream. A few years ago I never would have believed I could do this. It's only 14 hr but once I have this on my resume it'll be a hell of a lot easier to land jobs in the future.

With the emotional crap being released my music is coming together more too. Feels like if I keep going I'll eventually get to where I want.

There is this fear though I'm trying to purge. It's this fear that things aren't going to get better and I'll slide back into my old ways. Like ongoing success is a fantasy and eventually my luck will run out. It's a messed up belief and I can see how it causes me anxiety. Just living a life I'm happy with, I've spent so many years miserable I don't even know what that is.

Yeah it feels like I broke that mental block that's been keeping me down and now possibilities have opened up for me. DMSI is awesome.

---

Noticed there's still a lot of fear in me. I keep telling myself to let it go, but it's really avoiding it. There's a difference between facing what we fear vs trying to avoid it. It's like that thing people always say try not to think of a pink elephant. And you just end up thinking of a pink elephant. Same thing with fear, the more I try to push it away or avoid it the more it controls me.

I was thinking about it some more and I've realized that learning my patterns and why I have fear does help me. I always thought it was just excess, but something in me says I need to know the root cause. Maybe it's a conscious thing, like I can't feel safe letting go until I see consciously what it is. That being said when I was worried about not getting this job I really dug in deep to find out why it would be so bad if I didn't get it. I realized it wasn't about the job. It was this idea of abandonment. Like if I failed to move up in my career or blew the interview that people around me would think less of me or see me as some big disappointment. My biggest fear seems to be that if I don't perform or live my life in a manner of utmost achievement I'm going to be isolated and nobody will love me. And since as humans we are naturally social creatures, we need a support network, I guess that threatens my very survival. It's a very raw primitive feeling that I'm going to move past, but for now I just have to truly acknowledge it because if I keep glossing over it I'll never get rid of it.

I have a lot of appeasement behaviors when interacting with others. For a large portion of my life I'd act overly nice in order to get a favorable outcome with people. It seems like whatever we try to desperately convince ourselves we are, for me it was being strong and independent, we have inner wounds that cause us to exhibit the complete opposite.

My goal now is to move away from all of it. To leave behind everything and find my own intrinsic self worth. To stop playing this game or competition to come out on top and measure myself up to other people. To find compassion for myself and others and to stop looking through everything through a distorted viewpoint of who's better than who. Maybe it's a symptom of living in the U.S. but this culture is just a breeding ground for insecurity and lack of self love for oneself.

[Shannon]

If letting go of fear only makes it more prominent... then face the fear instead.

[mat422]

If letting go of fear only makes it more prominent... then face the fear instead.

Very simple thing I overlooked. That's what I've started to do. Also helps I upped the loops, going to keep experimenting with raising by one every week.

---

So I joined Bumble. For those that don't know it's like Tinder but girls make the first move. Matched up with this cutie. Talked with her a bit and she was really into me. These days I just practice radical honesty, let the good and the bad hang out. If they don't like that then it's just a disqualifier anyway. Why be with someone you can't be yourself around? At this point I'm just putting myself out there and willing to face rejection and learn to stop putting on an image of what I want other women to see. Too much effort, too much anxiety. I blame my early years of PUA shit. Where guys did routines and clever manipulation to get a favorable outcome, but they had no substance to themselves.

Overall I still need to put myself out there more and experience stuff. I notice I sort of slip into these mentalities where I want to convince myself I don't actually want the goals of DMSI. But that's nonsense because why would I be running the program otherwise? Feels like I'm executing a lot more lately, hell prior to this I didn't even touch dating apps. So I guess I'm making some progress.

I did notice some insecurities about how I look though. I used to deal with body dysmorphia a lot. Still not totally embracing the sexually irresistible thing. Working on it, but there's definitely still some issues I need to come to terms with.

[Benjamin]

Very cool.. I like it. PUA definately causes a whole lot of other issues, especially to guys who have had truama or other things like I also have.

I'm not sure if you seen this in my journal, but I have a feeling you'll love it. It goes for quite a while but it's well worth it.

[mat422]

Very cool.. I like it. PUA definately causes a whole lot of other issues, especially to guys who have had truama or other things like I also have.

I'm not sure if you seen this in my journal, but I have a feeling you'll love it. It goes for quite a while but it's well worth it.

Def gonna give it a watch when I get the chance. Thanks Ben.

---

So I met up with the girl I've been chatting with. She messaged me today asking if I felt like meeting up in person. Prior to DMSI I wouldn't have even thought about doing that. I'm dead serious, I was that afraid of women. Our banter was flirty and light, I felt some sexual tension between us. But I don't think I'm there yet or I'm still afraid of something. But as far as results go this is a huge step for me. It kind of made me realize just how avoidant I've been in the past and the excuses I made. Also made me realize I need to get out more and get away from my music from time to time. After hanging out with her I came home and thought up some great musical ideas I'm gonna work on. My life is definitely heading in a different direction and I like it.

[dissonance]

Is this the first meet-up or "date" with a girl that u met through internet dating (or whatever method it was that you met her through)?

[Benjamin]

Def gonna give it a watch when I get the chance. Thanks Ben.

All good, it seems you're realizing some of the same things, so if you want to chat about it at some stage or want to bounce something off me let me know.

So I met up with the girl I've been chatting with. She messaged me today asking if I felt like meeting up in person. Prior to DMSI I wouldn't have even thought about doing that. I'm dead serious, I was that afraid of women. Our banter was flirty and light, I felt some sexual tension between us. But I don't think I'm there yet or I'm still afraid of something. But as far as results go this is a huge step for me. It kind of made me realize just how avoidant I've been in the past and the excuses I made. Also made me realize I need to get out more and get away from my music from time to time. After hanging out with her I came home and thought up some great musical ideas I'm gonna work on. My life is definitely heading in a different direction and I like it.

Very cool! Especially her asking you out. Even if there was still some fear, it's a big step and the start of something new.

[mat422]

Is this the first meet-up or "date" with a girl that u met through internet dating (or whatever method it was that you met her through)?

Yup. I didn't really do anything except be myself and have fun.

Def gonna give it a watch when I get the chance. Thanks Ben.

All good, it seems you're realizing some of the same things, so if you want to chat about it at some stage or want to bounce something off me let me know.

So I met up with the girl I've been chatting with. She messaged me today asking if I felt like meeting up in person. Prior to DMSI I wouldn't have even thought about doing that. I'm dead serious, I was that afraid of women. Our banter was flirty and light, I felt some sexual tension between us. But I don't think I'm there yet or I'm still afraid of something. But as far as results go this is a huge step for me. It kind of made me realize just how avoidant I've been in the past and the excuses I made. Also made me realize I need to get out more and get away from my music from time to time. After hanging out with her I came home and thought up some great musical ideas I'm gonna work on. My life is definitely heading in a different direction and I like it.

Very cool! Especially her asking you out. Even if there was still some fear, it's a big step and the start of something new.

Will do Ben. Yeah it's nice being the one approached for once. Ideally I get better with moving things along first too, but if my future is women seducing me I can't complain lol.

---

So a lot of stuff on my mind right now. I'm thinking about DMSI and how it's really sex focused. But then I'm thinking about this girl I met and she seems very committed type of relationship focused. So that brings me to my next point, dating. I've already decided I'm not going to enter a relationship until I've had some experience under my belt. And I don't mean sex. I mean learning more about what I like in women, what turns me off, what kind of games some of them can play, etc. Right now I'm trying to avoid a bad habit I've had for years, idealizing someone. It's like when I don't have good enough experience in something there's this tendency to project everything I want onto it that may not be even close to the reality.

I guess I have guilt surrounding dating multiple women even if I'm not in a committed relationship. Which really shouldn't be there. Maybe I'm worried I'll hurt someone when I'm no longer attracted to them after finding someone I like more. Maybe that's just my own insecurities with self worth I'm projecting though. But it's definitely a change in the dynamic about how I'm thinking about all this.

[SargeMaximus]

I'm having that too. Mostly body/physical attritbutes, but I definitely seem to have more things a girl needs to be to "make the cut".

[mat422]

I'm having that too. Mostly body/physical attritbutes, but I definitely seem to have more things a girl needs to be to "make the cut".

Without this descending into red pill mentality lol. I think a lot of men are shamed for having preferences. I know I'm still trying to shed that mentality. Go after what I really want instead of feeling guilty for not be attracted to someone. That means getting better at turning down unwanted advances too.

[RTBoss]

Is this the first meet-up or "date" with a girl that u met through internet dating (or whatever method it was that you met her through)?

Yup. I didn't really do anything except be myself and have fun.

Def gonna give it a watch when I get the chance. Thanks Ben.

All good, it seems you're realizing some of the same things, so if you want to chat about it at some stage or want to bounce something off me let me know.

So I met up with the girl I've been chatting with. She messaged me today asking if I felt like meeting up in person. Prior to DMSI I wouldn't have even thought about doing that. I'm dead serious, I was that afraid of women. Our banter was flirty and light, I felt some sexual tension between us. But I don't think I'm there yet or I'm still afraid of something. But as far as results go this is a huge step for me. It kind of made me realize just how avoidant I've been in the past and the excuses I made. Also made me realize I need to get out more and get away from my music from time to time. After hanging out with her I came home and thought up some great musical ideas I'm gonna work on. My life is definitely heading in a different direction and I like it.

Very cool! Especially her asking you out. Even if there was still some fear, it's a big step and the start of something new.

Will do Ben. Yeah it's nice being the one approached for once. Ideally I get better with moving things along first too, but if my future is women seducing me I can't complain lol.

---

So a lot of stuff on my mind right now. I'm thinking about DMSI and how it's really sex focused. But then I'm thinking about this girl I met and she seems very committed type of relationship focused. So that brings me to my next point, dating. I've already decided I'm not going to enter a relationship until I've had some experience under my belt. And I don't mean sex. I mean learning more about what I like in women, what turns me off, what kind of games some of them can play, etc. Right now I'm trying to avoid a bad habit I've had for years, idealizing someone. It's like when I don't have good enough experience in something there's this tendency to project everything I want onto it that may not be even close to the reality.

I guess I have guilt surrounding dating multiple women even if I'm not in a committed relationship. Which really shouldn't be there. Maybe I'm worried I'll hurt someone when I'm no longer attracted to them after finding someone I like more.Maybe that's just my own insecurities with self worth I'm projecting though. But it's definitely a change in the dynamic about how I'm thinking about all this.

Better to hurt them sooner, rather than later. Sticking by an incompatible relationship out of guilt or neediness merely sets you both up for heartache down the road. To think of it another way, you are freeing the other person up to potentially meet a better match as well.

[mat422]

Thanks RTBoss. Freeing her to find a better match is a good way to put it.

Alright so DMSI use update. I was experimenting with 6 loops. Way too much for me. I literally couldn't get out of bed in the morning. You know that feeling when you wake up slightly and you're like ok time to get up? I hit that point, but would instantly get knock out again. I'd do this 7 or 8 times before I actually could get out of bed. Concentration has been very poor as well and spelling mistakes are off the charts lol. Feels like I'm making a lot of progress with the internal stuff, but I don't have enough resources to keep my life in balance. So I've decided to go back to 4 loops. If that doesn't work out it's back to two. I guess my impatience got the better of me and I mistakenly assumed I'd be able to handle the higher loop count.

Mental changes. Noticed one day while I was on bumble going through the profiles I was like that's it? Not looks or anything, just overall lifestyle. Like 9/10 girls just did yoga, fitness, loved drinking. Just thought to myself that's kind of boring really. I don't know maybe more resistance kicking in making me super selective. But I'm not so impressed with just hot looks anymore.

Girl I've been chatting with sends me a text the other day with a screenshot of J. Coles- Wet Dreamz telling me it's her mood. I'd screenshot it, but it feels like a violation of her privacy so I won't. I feel like that's a huge sign of interest, but my dumbass still doubts it. The thing that confuses me about her is when I first talked to her I asked her what sort of things she really hates. She said guys, specifically fuckboys, asking to hang out and "see where things go". She said it's nondescript, but she knows where it's gonna go 9/10. But here she is sending me texts that are really sexually suggestive like she wants me to have sex with her. I'm thinking this is one of those cases where a woman says something that's only relevant to guys she doesn't like. Feel like if I don't make a move soon I'm gonna blow this lol. If anything I gotta talk to her, make sure she doesn't get too attached to me, and see what she wants. Fuck me, why's all this gotta be so complicated for me?

[Benjamin]

When girls tell you what they hate and such in guys.. half the time it means nothing.

And her actions of talking about sex and such prove that. Go for it Because you are right that if you wait too long then the opportunity may not be there anymore.