In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A

[SargeMaximus]

I resonate with that so much. Thanks for posting.

[mat422]

I resonate with that so much. Thanks for posting.

Always glad when my words connect with someone, thanks for reading.

---

Had a weird moment earlier today. My life tends to follow this pattern where I fall into these holes or mental ruts. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like seeing the light and then slipping back into negative ways. One of the things I'm becoming more aware of is how powerful my own mind is. I've read all about it, other's experiences, but I never really embodied it.

I was sitting there contemplating my life situation. How I felt stuck, how it's hard finding a job, how everything seems hard. And my intuition kicked in and it said life isn't supposed to be like this, you have a choice. And I slipped into this observer state and it's like I looked at the reality I currently subscribed to and told myself it was my choice and I could change it if I wanted to. It wasn't a wishing sort of mentality. It was a knowing. What I've realized is DMSI causes me to execute in ways my conscious mind cannot even fathom and where I've been falling short is not trusting in this power. The weird part is it feels both familiar and unknown to me at the same time. But it's like an intuition that's always been there and now it feels like it's getting stronger.

[mat422]

I have to laugh at myself, I really do. I'm unhappy in life, yet I don't do anything to fix it. This isn't about outward action either, I mean my mindset and beliefs. I'm trying to create a whole new way of living while still holding onto the old way. It's like repeatedly walking into a wall when there's a door right next me. Someone is like "uh hey buddy, just use the door" and I'm like "nah this'll work, it's just gonna take some time".

I feel really dumb, but this whole time waiting for these subs to miraculously change things was just a way to procrastinate or avoid it, and I didn't even catch it. In my mind I was like, ok I have to heal completely then everything will fall into place. Gotta get a job, oh wait there's those self worth issues, have to fix those before I can be employed. Let's talk to women, nah I'm still anxious they'll feel that and reject me let's solve that too. At this point in my life I'm not sure if I'll ever be 100 percent secure in myself or if I'll always be a little neurotic, but one thing is for damn sure putting my life on hold until I figure out a way to solve everything internally is just going to be a disaster. This striving for perfection has felt like a sick joke to me and I'm done with it.

For years I thought I was being all insightful, prepared, ahead of the curve, I even had adults tell me when I was younger that I had so much insight and wisdom that would put me ahead of everyone else. And maybe I did, but it was a double edged sword. For all the positive things I discovered there was a negative as well. Unfortunately for me due to an excessive amount of fear I gave more weight to the negative instead of the positive so I shaped my whole life around avoiding potential failure rather than striving for success.

[mat422]

Had a bit of a vent earlier today. It was weird, I was driving in my car and I just felt like crap. So I just started talking to myself out loud. I probably looked insane lol.

I'm not gonna detail the whole thing, but the gist of it was that I'm trying too hard to do all this shit right. I assume there's a superior or right way to heal. Confident one day, miserable the next, immediate thought is what did I do wrong? Maybe I didn't do anything wrong, maybe I just need to accept I'm a goddamn human being and I'm not perfect. More than half of my misery comes from trying to micro-manage my own emotional state. When I'm upset or negative I just obsess on how I shouldn't be feeling that, how I'm better than that, how I'm running subliminals and how my mind should be some kind of peak performance machine by now. I've been trying to escape everything that makes a person human in pursuit of being perfect. I just don't understand how I can be so afraid of being the very thing that I am.

With that I realized DMSI has been touching on the core issue that's plagued me my entire life. I feel all kinds of messed up right now but I'm not going to try to avoid it or deny it. So screw doing this the right way or the higher spiritual way, I'm just gonna be a mess of a person for as long as it takes to pick up the pieces again and return as someone stronger. Until then no more hiding.

[mat422]

Still a mess internally but it's all good. Notice I have some emotions pop up throughout the day and I've been going through them instead of hiding or attempting to let them go. I think all this time I thought I was letting stuff go I was just repressing it. It got to the point where it felt like my head was buzzing with angry bees and I was pissed at everyone and everything.

Realized I've got a lot of internalized hatred for people, need to let that poison go. At least now I'm owning up to it. Before I was like no I'm a good person, I don't hate people, I accept people, etc. But denial of that just made it stronger. The shadow self and all that. There's definitely a power in becoming ok with the less desirable aspects of yourself. In my case I definitely want to be less judgemental of people. But having it come from a genuinely authentic center in myself, not this trying to not be judgemental so I think of myself as a good person crap.

Living more with an open heart instead of in fear. I've realized fear makes you very selfish, closed off, and judgemental. It disconnects you from people and makes you feel alone. I've always been paranoid of people's motives so I'm very cautious of trusting people. At the same time I feel like I close myself off to people who are good as well. It's a terrible way to live life.

Needless to say, not really expecting much on the DMSI front until I work through this stuff. It probably puts up a huge barrier between me and women.

[mat422]

Really weird dream last night. There were people who discovered how to jump to different realities. All you had to do was write what you wanted and put it on this pedestal with this orb and you would be in a reality close to what you described. But if you weren't specific enough it manifested in different ways. But it didn't even matter because life just became all about having fun and trying out different stuff. Seemed pretty freeing, the exact opposite of how I feel right now. Sort of claustrophobic, trapped, trying to figure a way out but not making much progress.

[mat422]

God damn resistance again. I've been mulling over these negative emotions instead of detaching from them. My mind knows. It knows that if I bring up a negative feeling I'll latch on to it and wait for it to heal. The problem is it's not healing, it's just a clever way to get me stuck so I don't face the things I fear.

Also is it in the DMSI programming to get a wave of euphoria when you are executing the program and on the right track? I notice that happens whenever I sort of snap out of it and remind myself to move forward and to not stay stuck in the negative.

[mat422]

So pretty crazy thing happened to me today. A few days ago I was meditating and focusing on letting go of resistance. While I was doing that I had images pop up into my head of a girl I had a crush on in high school. So I kind of just went with it and let myself get into it. Today I was at my job and I walk in and notice a receipt on the counter for a furniture purchase. It was her name and phone number. She stopped by in the morning, but I came in the afternoon so I just missed her. No clue if she'll pop up again in my life, but I didn't even know she was still in the area. Interesting stuff.

[Zane]

Sometimes I think we are no longer 3D beings. . Not Anymore after becoming a part of IML community

[Shannon]

God damn resistance again. I've been mulling over these negative emotions instead of detaching from them. My mind knows. It knows that if I bring up a negative feeling I'll latch on to it and wait for it to heal. The problem is it's not healing, it's just a clever way to get me stuck so I don't face the things I fear.

Also is it in the DMSI programming to get a wave of euphoria when you are executing the program and on the right track? I notice that happens whenever I sort of snap out of it and remind myself to move forward and to not stay stuck in the negative.

Yes.

[mat422]

Sometimes I think we are no longer 3D beings. . Not Anymore after becoming a part of IML community

It's something, I don't know what it is. But it's amazing.

---

DMSI is smoothing out for me. Feels like I'm actually complying with the instructions to just let things go. But really let them go, without engaging the emotions or going through all that emotionally turbulent stuff. Feels like I'm having a paradigm shift a bit and gaining a fundamental understanding that pain is not required to heal. That's important for me because I always thought you need to go through emotions and revisit past events and stuff of that nature.

That being said it's weird how many things I can draw connections to. For example lately I've been feeling uninspired by music and feeling like I don't want to create anything because I don't know what to create. But this is similar to the fake disinterest in women I still battle with from time to time. In the case of my music I hear all my favorite artists and I'm so afraid of not measuring up to their music that I convince myself that I don't really want to make music like them. Feels like as I confront this fear more and let it go I'm starting to be ok with my music being amateur sounding or not good. That obsessive need to have it great is diminishing and it's opening my eyes to see what I need to improve on. Prior to this I kind of just stuck my head in the ground and avoided improving because I found it all to be too intimidating.

[mat422]

I was listening to an interview online with a music producer but he was talking about how making it in music you can't have a foot in both worlds. Meaning if you want music to be your life, you have to be in music and take risks.

For as long as I've run these subliminals I've realized I kept thinking to myself that one day maybe things will be easier. I have a serious aversion to hard work, always looking for the easier path. I read too many LOA books and metaphysical stuff that claims all that's necessary for success is belief. And belief is important, but it's only part of the equation. When you were a kid you didn't just magically begin to walk just through will alone. There were a bunch of steps and progressions you had to follow. It took time. Same goes for everything in life, it's important not to forget that. As much as the subliminals give us an edge, we still have to work hard. There's no shortcuts.

Too often I'd sit there with my music thinking if I just got into a flow state it would all come to me instead of buckling down and getting knee deep in the failure and making crap.

[Shannon]

Isn't the very nature of "having an edge" to be "taking a shortcut to success"? It may not always be a big one, but it is shorter than the guy without the edge must go.

[mat422]

Isn't the very nature of "having an edge" to be "taking a shortcut to success"? It may not always be a big one, but it is shorter than the guy without the edge must go.

You have a point. I guess for me it's the difference between working smarter to accomplish a goal vs taking that shortcut to avoid perceived failure.

To be honest I feel like for most of my life everything has been difficult to me. Frustratingly so. More frustrating is I'm surrounded by people who see potential in me and they themselves are frustrated at my lack of thriving in my life. I'm trying to correct all this and my thinking and to start believing the sky's the limit for me. But I just don't see it. Not yet at least. And I don't know, but it feels like my life path is one of difficulty. Like I'm supposed to go through all this so I can teach other people a better way. Maybe that's just a rationalization from my brain so I just hold onto old ways of thinking. Not entirely sure anymore.