I'm just a sexy boy... DMSI 3.1

[ichigo]

DAY 34

Healing continues.

Feeling so tired all the time. Depressed. Sad. Bored with life.

Last night my girlfriend and I were chilling out in bed watching TV. I was playing around massaging her ass and v while we watched. She didn't really respond. Then later on she touched her nipple and said "I touched my nipple and I'm horny, I might play with myself".

She uses to be so attracted to me, now I don't think she even views me sexually. She loves me I think, but I think her sexual attraction to me is dead. I can't have sex with her because of PIED and I'm never able to get her to cum with my fingers/mouth, but she used to want me to do it and then finish her off. Now it seems she doesn't want to do anything with me. I feel like when she initiates sexual stuff, she's doing it out of obligation and doesn't really enjoy it.

It sucks because I feel like my attraction for her has only grown, but hers for me has dwindled. I guess that happens in relationships when you spend so much time together, I dunno. I don't know how to get her sexually attracted to me.

It's really fucking with me that I have a girlfriend who "loves" me i.e. she loves that I do things for her, but doesn't find sexually attractive. But then I can't fuck her or make her cum, so tbh what do I expect?

I just wish I could get a proper erection for sex. I'm so worried if this reboot thing isn't the answer and I still have the problem months from now. I don't even watch that much porn... if it's not this then I don't know what to do.

[CatMan]

I had terrible PIED.

It took me about 9 months of NO masturbating to porn, or even watching it, to be able to get an erection, of any tangible strength, not a full one at all, maybe 70-75%. Albeit, while sitting down. Being able to maintain an erection while standing, took months and months longer than that, as that is more difficult. Even now I don't think I'm 100% healed and I'm at day 664 of no PMO. It took a long time, but it will ALWAYS repair the damage, if you are vigilant. I'm not saying it will take as long as this, or as "short", we are all different and a lot depends on how much you've consumed and how far removed from reality it was. I too thought it was just a harmless indulgence, I had no idea the damage it caused in my head, both about my thoughts and views of women and sex, and my erection.

It's disastrous what that stuff does to the mind. To clarify for readers in case they don't know, drugs like Viagra, Cialis and Levitra don't work for this kind of erectile dysfunction. As the problem isn't in the penis, but in the brain. In a layman's sense, you become unattracted to "real" women, and only become sexually attracted to digitized women. I had things in person where I should have had a raging erection, but felt nothing due to PIED. Then, a porn clip favourite, would have me able to cut diamonds. Took a long time to start reversing that.

Stick with it, don't relapse as that just increases the damage and healing time. I will say this, V3.1-A for me has DESTROYED any slight remnants of interest in porn. It's finally all gone, every last remnant. So it can happen for you too, which will make recovery simply a matter of time, friend .

Maybe buy a toy for your girlfriend and use with her if your oral skills don't work. I personally have a very small tongue, so I'd probably be terrible at it too. She needs to be satisfied, or the relationship may start having problems.

Stay the course, I believe in you!

[Duke.Togo]

Ichigo, if I remember correctly from some of your older posts, you can get hard, but lose it when you wear a condom right? If that's the case, try buying a non-latex brand condom. They have them, and it's slightly more expensive, but, you might be surprised with the results.

The reason she probably isn't cumming is because you can't stay hard for her. Shit like that tends to affect women sexually and they end up in their heads a lot of the time because they can't let go. So it may not directly have to do completely with your tequnique.

You guys start having full intercourse, things should smooth out in your relationship.

[Breeze]

Ichigo, you are literally setting yourself up to be cheated. PIED is part of the problem, but a small one. As you said, you can't get her to cum even with your hands, and that she's not sexually attracted to you. And on the top of that, she's wearing short skirts and all to attract other men, if that wasn't an obvious enough clue.

Turn a relationship into an open one or break up with her. There's no going back from this. It's hard, I know. But when she cheats on you, it is going to be even harder.

[ichigo]

Thanks for all the advice guys, it's appreciated.

DAY 35

She sensed there had been something off with me lately and confronted me about it last night. I ended up telling her my concerns, that I worried she was less sexually attracted to me than she had been at the start and that she viewed me as a great boyfriend but that when it came to sex, because I couldn't have sex with her or make her cum myself, she didn't want to do anything sexual with me.

She told me that she still found me very sexually attractive and that at times she still can't believe we're in a relationship together. She said to remember that she had been sick lately (which is true), and that she had purposefully been refraining from initiating sexual stuff with me because she thought it would help my reboot. She said that when she wanted to finish by herself, it was because it was late and she just wanted to get it out the way quickly. She said she doesn't want to ask me late at night or if she thinks I'm tired, because she doesn't want me to feel I have to do anything if I'm not in the mood to do it.

I told her that I would rather she involved me somehow with it, and even if I was too tired help her out then I would still like to feel part of it, by watching or whatever. I said it's hurtful for me to think of her being horny and then her first response not being to go to her boyfriend, but to masturbate to a fantasy that I assume doesn't involve me.

She said she understood and that we would do that in the future - then we both fooled around and she managed to cum in approx 3 minutes without her using any imagination. She was surprised and I think quite happy at how fast she came.

She knows about the reboot stuff and she's doing it too (she used to masturbate to sex stories exclusively). She told me this was the first time she was able to make herself cum without any stories or imagination. I'm hopeful that as we both reboot, in the future I will be able to get hard and she will be able to cum easier and we'll be able to have a great sex life.

She also said that I am my own worst enemy when I have these thoughts. She said to always tell her when I feel that way instead of holding it in and then being off with her for days because it's not fair on her to hold her to treat her differently for things that are only in my mind and that she is not able to defend herself.

She's right, I do have issues with jumping to the worst conclusion. I think a lot of it is caused by red pill reading, it makes me so paranoid that she is secretly using me as a provider and will then look elsewhere for her sex fulfillment. It's something I need to work on. I guess I just hate the idea of being hoodwinked. It all links into masculine pride for me, and the fear that she won't be fulfilled by me sexually. I let these fears sabotage my interactions with women.

It reminds me of some advice Shannon once gave me: "Don't sink your boat for her". I think I need to get it tatoo'd on my arm or something lol.

Feeling much happier now. It's lovely weather and it's the weekend soon. She's coming back with me to my family house. Life is good.

[ichigo]

22/05 - Day 1 of DMSI v 3.1A

After a hiatus which I spent on Overcome ED 5G, I'm back on DMSI. I'll give a brief review of ED 5G below.

I wanted to do 2 loops of the Hybrid Trickling Stream, but at the 45 minute mark of my second loop my FLAC player randomly stopped. I pressed play but it went back to the start. I fast forwarded it to just before the 45 minute mark and it stopped at 45 minutes again... it's never done that before. I removed the files from my FLAC player, re-downloaded them and put them back so hopefully that has fixed it. My 2 loops were not optimal, anyway.

Noticeable:

-Felt hornier

-Girlfriend returned home from work and we were fooling around, she told me she felt unusually wet all day. Could be some sniping if I am thinking about her?

-Some staring from both men and women, they look away quickly when I return the gaze

-Had a dream of my girlfriend staying around my parents house. For some reason her ex-boyfriend was there too. I was sleeping in a separate room to them and they were sleeping in a bed together, but it was assumed they wouldn't do anything. I woke up in the middle of the night to get water and on my way back, I heard moans from their room. I opened the door and he was banging her in a way I'm not able to do with my PIED right now.

I remember feeling a combination of sick and fear. I'm ashamed I didn't feel much anger, but more just sadness, nausea and fear because I knew I had to do something to stop it and shame because I didn't feel as angry as I should. I threw the glass of water over them in the dream, and they both reacted like I was out of order to be upset and he came over as if he was going to beat me up and I woke up before he got to me. In the dream I felt weak, like a kid. I'm also ashamed to say watching them fuck made me a little bit horny too.

My guess would be its my sub conscious dealing with my fear and frustration at not being able to fuck my girlfriend properly when she has been fucked properly by others before.

-Girlfriend and I were meant to go to Ariana concert in London but I'm assuming it will be cancelled after the attack. A female friend of mine messaged me afterward to say she was glad I wasn't at the Manchester one. I had been fantasizing about her a bit lately so it could be a bit of sniper or manifestation.

Just finished my loops for Day 2 without issues.

My current situation is I'm with my girlfriend who I am faithful to and don't want to cheat. I've had PIED problems and I'm taking the current steps to fix it:

-No porn/masturbation

-DMSI v 3.1A healing

-Going to buy a "Manhood" which covers the penis like a foreskin would to try and regain some more sensitivity in my penis which I think could help.

Overcome ED 5G:

I ran this for 1 month and 10 days. At the same time I was doing no porn/masturbation. Around the 20 day mark I saw real improvements and managed to have sex with my girlfriend with a condom on and cum inside her. We managed to do it a few times. But then I brought masturbation back in (not to porn), and she would jerk me off / give me BJs. I think doing that has made the sensitivity reduce again, so I think it's going to have to strictly be a pussy only embargo on my dick, or at least make sure I use a lot of lube and an extremely light grip if i masturbate or she gives me a hand job.

As for Overcome ED 5G itself, it definitely works, as the first time I had sex with her it was because it happened randomly out of no where, we had not planned to do it and there was no pressure/fear of failure of getting hard. Before that there was always fear, particularly when putting the condom on which I think stopped me being able to get hard.

I think Overcome ED 5G gave my subconscious the different programming which let me put the condom on and start fucking her without fear, so I think the program absolutely works. Now I just need to deal with my penis sensitivity issue I think and once I'm back to where I was hopefully I can stay with the erections and not ruin it with porn or death grip masturbation again.

[ichigo]

Day 4

2 loops 3.1A, Hybrid

Found myself in tears a couple of times over the last few days. Small these seem to be setting me off more than usual. Think there's some healing going on.

Aura is still working however, I can feel the increased heat, stomach growling and popped out veins which are all indicative of the aura working.

I need to work on looking more approachable, I can sense attraction but I don't seem to be friendly enough for women to want to act on it or show me any overt IOIs.

Had a dream about a girl I used to have oneitis for. I was chasing her in the dream and she was playfully running away, then she let me catch her and I kissed and hugged her and she was giggling and kissed me back. Then in the dream my girlfriend found out but didn't seem to care that much as it was just a kiss.

[ichigo]

DAY 9

3.1A - 2 loops Hybrid FLAC

Healing is hitting hard. I have a particular image that haunts me. When my girlfriend and I are alone, she feels free to show me a side of her which is very innocent, playful, childlike and even babyish. She's had quite a tough life without many people who care for her. I keep picturing a scenario in which we break up and she's sat in her room all by herself, in her childish mode, wanting to be cute with me but I'm not there and there's nobody else she can be that way with so she's just sat with a sad look on her face. It makes me tear up just typing about it lol. It literally makes me tear up every time I think about it. I guess it's my fear of hurting her?

In my imagination, I picture her a lot more vulnerable than she really is. I need to understand that if we broke up, yes she would be upset, but she would eventually get over it and move forward. She has been through a lot so I know she is strong. I just would hate her to have to go through heartache or pain again, I never want that for her.

It does make me wonder why breaking up is so much on my mind, however. I guess part of achieving DMSI's goals includes being happy with an open relationship, or being single. Because I love my girlfriend and don't want that, I guess I encounter a lot of resistance. I'm not concerned the subliminal will make me cheat, because I know Shannon won't remove free will entirely. I would like it if eventually the subliminal returned to it's original design goal which was to make us irresistibly sexually attractive, and giving us the choice as to whether we want to pursue other women or simply take advantage of the benefits being a sexy person has in general i.e. VIP treatment, etc.

There have been a few noticeable healing positives. Firstly, I am starting to feel less possessive of her, and seeing her as a friend who I share my life with rather than my own property. I used to worry a lot about her secretly wanting other men, or even masturbating when thinking of other people. But I realize I am a hypocrite because I look at and fantasize about other women, and I know it doesn't mean that I love her any less. Essentially I am holding her to a standard she can't possibly be accepted to reach, and it's making us both unhappy when I do it, so I think this is me learning to be in a more positive and healthy relationship.

Another benefit has been sometimes I think some extreme/dirty thoughts about my girlfriend, fetish type stuff which used to turn me on. I'm finding that it turns me on less now, and I'm hoping this is my sexual desires returning to a healthy place.

My ED is still very concerning to me. I am still unable to achieve a rock hard erection with my girlfriend, and to be honest when I think of sex with her I feel fear rather than excitement, because I'm worried I won't be able to perform. I'm not thinking about how good it will feel, I'm thinking I hope I can perform today or we're going to have another awkward moment and the sinking feeling that comes with it when we realize it just isn't going to happen - both our self-esteems get damaged when this happens for different reasons.

I broke this morning and watched porn. I was rock hard when watching it came with no problem. Then I watched it and came again only an hour later. I'm starting to think it's either because:

a.) My girlfriend and I aren't sexually compatible (I don't think this is the case)
b.) I can get erect to porn because I'm on my own and fully relaxed, there's no fear of performance beforehand like with my girl
c.) ?

What I did find interesting though is even though I watched porn twice, I didn't really enjoy it, and I have no urge to do it again. I was more enjoying the sensations from masturbating rather than enjoying what was happening in the videos, and I even found my mind drifting to sexy scenarios with my girlfriend while I was watching the porn. I don't have any urge to watch it again. I attribute this to all my hearing and clearing from running DMSI since v1. It's just so frustrating to know that my dick works fine for porn, but won't work for my girlfriend. If she knew she would be heartbroken.

IOIs and everything are still consistent. The aura feels strong, particularly in warm weather and just when having eaten. It feels a little less strong when I'm healing, assuming because the energy switches to this instead. To be honest I'm less concerned with the IOIs now, I'm in it for the clearing/healing currently.

I've given up caffeine which has only happened since v3.1A.

Let the healing continue...

[RTBoss]

Step away from using your hand, and buy a Fleshlight. Feels pretty close to the real thing. I've had one for years. Maybe that will help.

[CatMan]

Stop jacking to porn, this is the PIED we've talked about. Reinforcing the problem only makes it worse. I've talked about how long it's taken me to heal from it, it's serious business.

Even the jacking is nothing to the porn, the porn has to stop. Some can use it fine I guess, we can't and develop erection problems etc.

Stopping the porn has to be the priority here. Even if that means using the porn sub, as without this dealt with, sex can't happen anyway.

If I can heal, so can you, mine was horrible. But it requires diligence to reverse things, and patience as sadly it can take a long time.

[ichigo]

Yeah you're right CatMan, it won't happen again. Thanks for taking the time to give advice as always.

RTBoss, a fleshlight I have considered, but my girl wouldn't be happy with it, I guess for the same reason I wouldn't be happy if she used a dildo instead of me. We're both a bit crazy in that way lol. Thanks for the suggestion though, and hope things are good with you. Congratulations on your little girl btw!

DAY 14

3.1A 2 loops Hybrid

I believe I am starting to exit the clearing/healing a little more. The aura is becoming more apparent and IOIs / celebrity stares from randomers are increasing.

Here's a side testimonial to X124, I purchased it the other day and played it from my iPhone on my girlfriend for one hour in the morning as we lay in bed. I was hoping she would initiate something but instead she was very cuddly and affectionate instead. After one hour she got up and started doing her own thing in the kitchen, and I started to do my workout in the bedroom.

About 30 minutes into my workout, she suddenly ran into the room, jumped on my lap and started kissing me aggressively. We then proceeded to fool around, I still had ED so we didn't have sex but I made her cum a few times from fingering and stuff.

This was very noticeable because:

-Rarely will she initiate something sexual
-She was more animalistic than I've seen her
-Her orgasms seemed very strong
-She interrupted my workout to do it, which suggests she wanted it so bad she couldn't wait

So although it seemed to have a delayed effect, X124 seemed to be effective on my girl. I'll keep testing it on her every now and again, hopefully it stays this powerful on her.

[ichigo]

DAY 15

3.1A 2 loops Hybrid

Something strange happened. Lately I have found myself sexually fantasising about a friend of mine. Today she messaged me out of the blue to ask what's new with me, and mid way through conversation I asked her how she was and she dropped in that she had just broken up with her boyfriend of around 8 years. I am attracted to her, I wonder if any of the snipers are working on her at all.

[ichigo]

DAY 17

3.1A 2 loops Hybrid

My girlfriend got a new job so took her out last night to celebrate. Successfully brought her home and managed to have sex with her with a condom on. It only lasted about 2 minutes before I came, but it's progress nonetheless. I think the thing Shannon posted about how to combat the ED helped, I'll have to try and find it and c&p it in my journal so I have it all the time.

She has been very clingy the last few days, she keeps saying she thinks I love her less than before and last night she said she worries she isn't good enough for me.

On my part, I'm feeling less dependent on her which is pleasant. A few posts back, I talked about how I would be devastated if we broke up, now I think I would still be sad but I think I would be able to handle it.

[Shannon]

If you want to keep her, make sure she knows your ED has nothing to do with how you feel for her.