10-10-2019, 12:00 PM
Sometimes it feels like I drag some people down. Like I suck the energy out of them because I can’t really mirror their moods. I can’t distance myself from them and things just become to “serious”. I have a hard time keeping a sound distance but are going around living with my emotions and myself constantly. Like I can’t have a break and just relax, something is holding me back and holding me down. A feeling of uncertainty, fear I guess, emotions pushed down and not let out to ventilate. I’m going around holding so much inside and that is creating a negative loop instead of being able to shake it off. I have a problem being close to others but instead isolate myself. And I miss the connection with others, the connection of feeling a part of something, instead there is a disconnected feeling, feeling astray and unable to connect and trust. I feel different. I don’t want to. But I do. And even if I try not to it just feel awkward. I have some people that can see trough my state more or less and know who I am underneath, who I was before I got dragged down into myself and the darkness and separation that stands in between myself and others. Some do it more, some less. Music is my friend, but even there I don’t feel the connection to it that I can remember once was there. Something I took for granted, that was ripped out of my hands and what I have been fighting to get back to With every measure that I could have thought about.
