EP UMS JOURNAL

[EvolvingPhoenix]

You don't want to procrastinate and hide from life if you wouldn't be doing something that scared you otherwise.

So what do you think I am doing which scares me? In what ways do you suggest for me to most effectively heal this fear?

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I VERY recently came across a Youtuber with REALLY good advice for people going through issues like what I'm going through, and it has changed my perspective.

I have decided to indefinitely go MGTOW and to indefinitely do the NoFap thing.

So basically, every month of my life from here on out shall be considered "No Nut November" until I have particularly compelling reasons to decide otherwise.

That sexual energy will no longer be wasted and instead put into creative pursuits, to fulfill my highest personal potential.

Throughout all of last month, I was like "FUCK No Nut November. I will NEVER celebrate that shit" and now it's December 2nd and I'm going INDEFINITELY MGTOW and NoFap.

Funny how things can change in short order...

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 5 of bloom. Made some serious discoveries about my personal journey lately, and I now have a better sense of how I need to develop. I still have plenty of work to do, but I am letting go of a lot of things I felt the need to control/accomplish before, having come from a place of ego.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 6 of bloom. 

Last night, I had a profound experience which no words can truly convey. It was positive and with it came a deep sense of love and appreciation for all things. I did not want it to end. 

I take this as a positive sign of development.

Today I am feeling pretty goid. I'll update if anything of note happens or comes up within.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 7 of bloom. Last day.

I'm finding that my fears regarding my creative ambitions are slowly transforming into a growing enthusiasm. That's good!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

So... a good news update about my progress. I have decided that I consider this worth sharing:

So, I have been slowly (but at increasing pace/momentum) been letting go of more and more deeply embedded unhealthy programming, while slowly accepting more and more responsibility and becoming more and more committed to my highest positive development. As such, I have just recently as of tonight reached a point where I have decided to get in the "zone" so to speak and operate from a place of conscious awareness, becoming more and more aware of unconscious behaviour and reorienting myself to instead make conscious decisions when I notice that. So... I decided, okay, here's what I'ma do: come down from my marijuana high I'm on, finish my coffee, listen to Youtube videos which provide insight and guidance for my personal evolution while I come down, and then when I finally come down, get to work on that which is productive to my self growth. I then decided it was important that I right then and there come to a place of conscious, deliberate and committed decision making regarding my university related concerns. Basically, I faced the CONSCIOUS DECISION of whether or not I would continue with my University pursuits, with commitment and focus. I thought about it. I realize that I have been blowing off my school stuff, viewing it as stuff I don't like doing and thinking to myself that nothing which is in alignment with my true self actualized state of being would be something I didn't do for it's own sake, and that I viewed the whole university thing as basically being the route of "plan B" formed in life becaquse I never had the courage to develop and commit to a "plan A"

I took that perspective into consideration. Then, I offered up to myself a different perspective to take: first of all, regardless of WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO, if I choose to do it, honor myself by doing it with commitment and dedication to quality, as an expression and assertion of self love and self respect, but also if I have already committed myself to it, to honour myself by honouring my commitments. Then, I considered whether or not I should sign up for more classes. I decided that committing myself to another semester and approaching it with that attitude would at the very least be a healthy practice which would help me build my sense of autonomy and personal sovereignty, that it might prove to be a good idea yet and that if at any polint I decide that it is out of alignment with my highest development, I can always drop it when I have decided that from, not a place of sloth or fear or ego, but from attunement with my true self, I reserve the right to drop it, knowing that if that is to happen it shall happen at whatever time is truly best in my journey. And so I decided I will continue on this path, but this time with commitment.

I also have over the course of this night faced some deep seated fears and neurotic obsessions and made room for them to express themselves and be processed while CHOOSING faith and love as my response. I hold room for the fear, rather than resisting it, yet let go of the need to play into it's hands by trying to control it away. Instead I acknowledge it, hold space for it, and step into the CHOICE of faith and love while I do so.

These are not the only changes I'm making lately. TBH I'm changing A LOT. These are the two however which I felt like noting in the journal specifically. Trust me though, there's more!

So it feels like I am making majour changes at an increasing momentum. I am letting go of this fear more and more, with patience, and taking more and more responsibility and committed, conscious ACTION. Don't get me wrong, this change is playing out in a manner that, at least on the surface, probably doesn't appear that drastic, but I can definitely say that the internal shifts I am making are getting deeper and deeper, they are coming more and more rapidly and frequently and they are clearing away issues of an increasing level of difficulty. There's a lot to be said about the shifts I'm undergoing really. In fact, the more I think about what could be added in here and acknowledged, the more I start to appreciate just how extensively, how deeply and how rapidly I am evolving.

Here are some more examples: I am changing how I view not only my interactions with my parents, but ALL my external experiences! I am starting to view negative external experiences as reflections of internal states, beliefs, limitations, blockages, etc. And viewing them through that lens, and seeing every experience as an experience of my CHOOSING due to manifesting it to reflect the internal reality I have CHOSEN to adopt, I take full responsibility for these experiences and therefor, my actions to transforming my experiences through inner transformation. Another change I have made is that whenever feelings about my exfriend arise, instead of either suppressing them or wallowing in them or ruminating on them, what I do is HONOUR them and allow space for them while at the same time detaching from any sense of need or lack or anything like that in the matter. Instead, I view these feelings as being due to a sense of value for this person and I simply honour them as being indicators of this person being (in a way) still present in my life, in that she has left a mark on my development and holds a special place in my heart. Letting go of her does not mean having to forget about her or pretend she has had no positive effect on me. Instead I transform these instances into a decision to honour the positive feelings and regard I have for this person while at the same time letting go of any attachment. I do not view the feelings themselves as attachment. There is nothing negative or unhealthy about recalling somebody you appreciate the good in and simply allowing a period of appreciation to play out. So long as I detach from any need to receive anything and appreciate what IS, rather than desiring something in particular, these feelings transform from being what was once a trigger of suffering and has now turned into a place of acceptance and unconditional love, which is then acknowledged as love of self. I only can love in another what I perceive in another, and I can only perceive in another what exists within myself. When I love another, I am loving the aspect of my own mind which I am projecting onto them. So when I hold space to appreciate THAT, it transforms from an unhealthy obsession into a healthy fostering of self love.

These are just a couple more examples. I realize there is a rapid momentum building to my evolutionary growth process lately. I definitely attribute due credit to the role UMSv1 is playing in this process, and at the same time, I appreciate the free will responsibility that goes hand in hand with the process of execution!

I am definitely seeing rapid results here. Almost all (if not all) of my results so far are in the emotional healing/clearing area. This is still majour progress, to be deeply appreciated. I have full faith that in due time, the monetary abundance shall manifest gloriously! And as the journey progresses along the path it is progressing on, leading to that inevitable point and beyond, I am all the while becoming more and more present, more and more responsible, more and more empowered, and I am appreciating every step of my journey more and more deeply. I am even appreciating the suffering I have endured, recongizing it's role in the transformative process as the catalyst for my evolution! I am developing in an increasingly healthy and positive manner, and I am so stoked for what lies ahead on this path! Thank you Shannon for creating such a powerful tool to help me along my journey and thank everybody on this forum who has supported me over the course of my development! Your contributions touch me deeply. You have helped me through an incredibly dark period in my life and you have all helped me reach the light at the end of the tunnel! I used to see myself as somebody who was drowning, now I see myself as someone who is FLYING! And I'm only going upward from here!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

[Zeroxmachina]

So have you made any money yet?

[Z-Man]

So... a good news update about my progress. I have decided that I consider this worth sharing:

So, I have been slowly (but at increasing pace/momentum) been letting go of more and more deeply embedded unhealthy programming, while slowly accepting more and more responsibility and becoming more and more committed to my highest positive development. As such, I have just recently as of tonight reached a point where I have decided to get in the "zone" so to speak and operate from a place of conscious awareness, becoming more and more aware of unconscious behaviour and reorienting myself to instead make conscious decisions when I notice that. So... I decided, okay, here's what I'ma do: come down from my marijuana high I'm on, finish my coffee, listen to Youtube videos which provide insight and guidance for my personal evolution while I come down, and then when I finally come down, get to work on that which is productive to my self growth. I then decided it was important that I right then and there come to a place of conscious, deliberate and committed decision making regarding my university related concerns. Basically, I faced the CONSCIOUS DECISION of whether or not I would continue with my University pursuits, with commitment and focus. I thought about it. I realize that I have been blowing off my school stuff, viewing it as stuff I don't like doing and thinking to myself that nothing which is in alignment with my true self actualized state of being would be something I didn't do for it's own sake, and that I viewed the whole university thing as basically being the route of "plan B" formed in life becaquse I never had the courage to develop and commit to a "plan A"

I took that perspective into consideration. Then, I offered up to myself a different perspective to take: first of all, regardless of WHAT I CHOOSE TO DO, if I choose to do it, honor myself by doing it with commitment and dedication to quality, as an expression and assertion of self love and self respect, but also if I have already committed myself to it, to honour myself by honouring my commitments. Then, I considered whether or not I should sign up for more classes. I decided that committing myself to another semester and approaching it with that attitude would at the very least be a healthy practice which would help me build my sense of autonomy and personal sovereignty, that it might prove to be  a good idea yet and that if at any polint I decide that it is out of alignment with my highest development, I can always drop it when I have decided that from, not a place of sloth or fear or ego, but from attunement with my true self, I reserve the right to drop it, knowing that if that is to happen it shall happen at whatever time is truly best in my journey. And so I decided I will continue on this path, but this time with commitment.

I also have over the course of this night faced some deep seated fears and neurotic obsessions and made room for them to express themselves and be processed while CHOOSING faith and love as my response. I hold room for the fear, rather than resisting it, yet let go of the need to play into it's hands by trying to control it away. Instead I acknowledge it, hold space for it, and step into the CHOICE of faith and love while I do so.

These are not the only changes I'm making lately. TBH I'm changing A LOT. These are the two however which I felt like noting in the journal specifically. Trust me though, there's more!

So it feels like I am making majour changes at an increasing momentum. I am letting go of this fear more and more, with patience, and taking more and more responsibility and committed, conscious ACTION. Don't get me wrong, this change is playing out in a manner that, at least on the surface, probably doesn't appear that drastic, but I can definitely say that the internal shifts I am making are getting deeper and deeper, they are coming more and more rapidly and frequently and they are clearing away issues of an increasing level of difficulty. There's a lot to be said about the shifts I'm undergoing really. In fact, the more I think about what could be added in here and acknowledged, the more I start to appreciate just how extensively, how deeply and how rapidly I am evolving.

Here are some more examples: I am changing how I view not only my interactions with my parents, but ALL my external experiences! I am starting to view negative external experiences as reflections of internal states, beliefs, limitations, blockages, etc. And viewing them through that lens, and seeing every experience as an experience of my CHOOSING due to manifesting it to reflect the internal reality I have CHOSEN to adopt, I take full responsibility for these experiences and therefor, my actions to transforming my experiences through inner transformation. Another change I have made is that whenever feelings about my exfriend arise, instead of either suppressing them or wallowing in them or ruminating on them, what I do is HONOUR them and allow space for them while at the same time detaching from any sense of need or lack or anything like that in the matter. Instead, I view these feelings as being due to a sense of value for this person and I simply honour them as being indicators of this person being (in a way) still present in my life, in that she has left a mark on my development and holds a special place in my heart. Letting go of her does not mean having to forget about her or pretend she has had no positive effect on me. Instead I transform these instances into a decision to honour the positive feelings and regard I have for this person while at the same time letting go of any attachment. I do not view the feelings themselves as attachment. There is nothing negative or unhealthy about recalling somebody you appreciate the good in and simply allowing a period of appreciation to play out. So long as I detach from any need to receive anything and appreciate what IS, rather than desiring something in particular, these feelings transform from being what was once a trigger of suffering and has now turned into a place of acceptance and unconditional love, which is then acknowledged as love of self. I only can love in another what I perceive in another, and I can only perceive in another what exists within myself. When I love another, I am loving the aspect of my own mind which I am projecting onto them. So when I hold space to appreciate THAT, it transforms from an unhealthy obsession into a healthy fostering of self love.

These are just a couple more examples. I realize there is a rapid momentum building to my evolutionary growth process lately. I definitely attribute due credit to the role UMSv1 is playing in this process, and at the same time, I appreciate the free will responsibility that goes hand in hand with the process of execution!

I am definitely seeing rapid results here. Almost all (if not all) of my results so far are in the emotional healing/clearing area. This is still majour progress, to be deeply appreciated. I have full faith that in due time, the monetary abundance shall manifest gloriously! And as the journey progresses along the path it is progressing on, leading to that inevitable point and beyond, I am all the while becoming more and more present, more and more responsible, more and more empowered, and I am appreciating every step of my journey more and more deeply. I am even appreciating the suffering I have endured, recongizing it's role in the transformative process as the catalyst for my evolution! I am developing in an increasingly healthy and positive manner, and I am so stoked for what lies ahead on this path! Thank you Shannon for creating such a powerful tool to help me along my journey and thank everybody on this forum who has supported me over the course of my development! Your contributions touch me deeply. You have helped me through an incredibly dark period in my life and you have all helped me reach the light at the end of the tunnel! I used to see myself as somebody who was drowning, now I see myself as someone who is FLYING! And I'm only going upward from here!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all.

You have came a long way. I am glad the program is working for you. I am proud of you! Keep it up..

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Thanks!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I'm having some issues lately. First of all, my phone. I am having a hard time charging it and keeping it charged. This cord sucks, but so does every other cord I use. Either way, my phone barely charges, if it even charges at all. It's ruined my carpetbombing. I'm gonna have to stsrt all over again once I fix this issue.

Also, I'm just having a problem DOING stuff. I am tired. perpetually. I don't know why. It's like... I have been sleeping for roughly 14 hours! Only NOW am I starting to feel I have energy to start working on my homework, and it's already 4:34! I definitely have an issue here. I just can't understand what's causing this? Is it some form of inner resistance that will soon pass? Is it an energy thing? Is it a dietary thing? A sleep thing? I have no idea what the issue is. I suspect it may just be the unconscious mind resisting or something... I dunno.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Restarted day 1 of carpetbombing. Looks like I still have some more healing to do. Old wounds I thought I'd healed came up. Then again, I did watch a Youtube astrology video that said these 3 days would be
spent in a funk over past wounds. So it might just be an astrological thing. If so, then it should only be for a few days. Still, I intend to heal it.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 2 of carpetbombing. Still having phone problems with my phone. Still having fear/procrastination issues that greatly affect my productivityin a negatice manner.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 4 of carpetbombing.

So... A bit of time ago, I started to experience a really positive state. It's hard to explain, but it's amazing. Yesterday and the day before I was in that state too. My onlune mentor says it's probably presence amd that it is in alignment with who I really am.

Then, as I was in a hald asleep state, a dwep insecurity surfaced and I stopped being in a state of presence.

I then went out and spwnt my last 100 dollars on weed because I was put, came home and smoked some in order to work through the fear/insecurity. Sadly, I am not present right now.


I really am sick of being broke all the time. I'm happy to be making such progress with the E3 in UMSv1, but I really would like to start seeing some money come in.

@Shannon What kinds of concious actions should I take in order to facilitate the UMS process? I know the subconcious mind does the planning, but what should I do CONSCIOUSLY?

[Have at ye]

Maybe don't spend hundreds of dollah on weed, lol.

Consciously? You set a goal for UMS, right? Consciously reinforce that yes, it is your intention to achieve that goal and you don't give a flying fuck about anything that stands in the way, be it internal or external. The conscious can be used to give the subconscious assistance and a *push* when necessary. Get stubborn consciously *towards* the goal, not *against* it. Stop waffling.

That being said, you're making good progress man and keep at it.