EP UMS JOURNAL

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Maybe don't spend hundreds of dollah on weed, lol.

Consciously? You set a goal for UMS, right? Consciously reinforce that yes, it is your intention to achieve that goal and you don't give a flying*****about anything that stands in the way, be it internal or external. The conscious can be used to give the subconscious assistance and a *push* when necessary. Get stubborn consciously *towards* the goal, not *against* it. Stop waffling.

That being said, you're making good progress man and keep at it.

Fair enough, especially on the weed thing. Problem though is that I don't know what conscious action to take that will lead toward that goal. Maybe because I set it so high? I dunno. 

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement man. I appreciate it!

[Have at ye]

I don't know what conscious action you should take either because only you know your circumstances. But reasserting to yourself consciously that yes, you do indeed intend to achieve your goal for UMS may very well help you figure out what to do. There's tons of options, really: finding a job of some sort, finding some side-hustle you can do over the Internet at home, finding money lying in the street, getting married to a wealthy countess, etc.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

LOL "getting married to a wealthy countess" XD

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 1 of carpetbombing. I went over the 7 day bloom by 1 day. I don't really have anything to report though. Just posting this to keep track of time. I really don't feel I've progressed. At least not yet.

[THolt]

Day 1 of carpetbombing. I went over the 7 day bloom by 1 day. I don't really have anything to report though. Just posting this to keep track of time. I really don't feel I've progressed. At least not yet.

I felt that way on UMS but when I stopped to run ARA for a few weeks, I realized I had made a lot of progress on UMS. The changes are so gradual that you don't realize it

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Day 1 of carpetbombing. I went over the 7 day bloom by 1 day. I don't really have anything to report though. Just posting this to keep track of time. I really don't feel I've progressed. At least not yet.

I felt that way on UMS but when I stopped to run ARA for a few weeks, I realized I had made a lot of progress on UMS. The changes are so gradual that you don't realize it

Cool!

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I stopped playing several days ago and haven't been playing, so I am restarting the week of carpetbombing now.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

I have had to reset my carpetbombing. This is day 2.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Alright. Time to update again so I can keep track of where I'm at. Today is day 2 of bloom. I noticed that when I carpetbomb there is the risk of my phone just suddenly no longer running the VLC without explanation and without me knowing until I look and that can throw me off. I found that was the case yesterday, although it was day 1 of bloom, so I would have turned it off anyway. Still, who knows if it did that earlier towards the end of my carpet bombing run? I haven't made much (if any) progress lately, although today, I am now suddenly dealing with emotional issues. Guess I haven't come quite to the amount of resolution I thought I had...

I still don't seem to really love or appreciate myself all that much and I still don't want to be here. Well... sometimes I do, in the rare moments where I am truly present. Those are rare and fleeting, but they're a good start. It feels like all is perfect and as it should be. There's this indescribable positive feeling. Love doesn't quite describe it, joy doesn't quite describe it, nothing really quite describes it. Last time I felt that way, I then went deeper into my own mind while fantasizing because I was half asleep, and then insecure thoughts about the whole past with my ex-friend came up and I lost that feeling. Haven't gotten it back since.

I still have more work to do.

Sometimes I wonder if at this point, anything more is still happening. Like if anything more is still changing. The fact that I'm going through the stuff I'm going through today indicates that under the hood, it probably still is, even if it seems like nothing's going on anymore, but sometimes that's how it seems: as though I just stopped at a certain point and haven't progressed any further. At least the stuff I'm going through today is an indicator that SOMETHING is still going on...

Still not at the point where I'm making money, it seems.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Maybe I should'a just stuck with E3, if my emotional issues are in THIS MUCH need of healing before I can achieve UMS.

Well, I'm committed to UMS now. I really wanted to be able to afford LTU5 and to be independent and stuff like that, but I'm just so much in my own way...

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Great news!

I have some non-E3 related results today!

So...

I have been steadily increasing my already ridiculous UMS goals higher and higher, because why not? And I eventually just decided that it would be best to just cut straight to the highest I could shoot for. I had a hard time figuring out what figure that could possibly be until I decided to cross out my then-current goal and replace it with this:

Richest person on Earth.

There's not really a higher UMS goal is there? So why not, right? And imagine how much more business this website will get when I pull it off and credit Indigo Mind Labs for their part!

So, anyway, I've had this as my updated goal for a bit now (secretly) but was for the most part just stuck, not really making progress or moving forward with my UMS goals, it felt like, and unsure what to do to make money.

Then, today came! (Well, it's 8:57 AM now, so I can officially say "yesterday") And I was in Publix, looking for... I can't even remember (who cares?) and I had a thought that lead to me letting go of some insecurities over the ex-friend, right? And then later today (I mean yesterday ) I was dicking around on the computer, watching Youtube vids, and I came across a channel that covers the rise and fall of different tech companies. I was bored, and curious, so I watched. It started with MySpace. I fantasized about being a tech giant and having my own tech company and knocking all these tyrannical Silicone Valley big-wigs off their pedestals and taking them off their thrones. I then came up with the idea: why DON'T I? I'd be doing good work. I would be creating better products, focused first and foremost on service to the customers and users and content creators, rather than focusing on money, power and political agenda. I decided I would find a way to make it non-profit, so I could establish trust and ensure that my products would not be corrupted by greed. However, at some point, I realized "Hey, maybe THIS is my means of making money and becoming the richest man in the world: becoming a tech giant! I used to think to myself: "Man, wouldn't it be cool if I could just start my own tech company and rival Youtube/Facebook/Google? Wouldn't it be cool if I could steal all their users, dethrone them and replace their unethical practices with ethical ones? Man, too bad I don't know ANYTHING about tech or programming or computers..." But you know what? WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! What do I need to know how to code for? What do I need to know tech for? I could get somebody else for that. What I CAN do is lead this organization or whatever and found it, run it, promote it, lead it, build it and direct it. It's still my baby after all. My passion. My vision of service. I believe I can do this! I'm sure things all come together in due time!

Thank you Shannon for your AMAZING products! I have faith! And thanks to you, I have a secret weapon

Thank you ALL in this community for your support! You have all helped me get through some incredibly rough stuff. You have helped me heal and grow and become the man I want to become! I am still a work in progress, but then again who isn't right? Still, you have ALL helped me live up to my moniker. Especially you, Shannon. Thank all of you, from the bottom of my heart.

-EP

[Greenduck]

Hi man,

I’m gonna tell you something I wish someone told me a couple of years ago:
You don’t have to figure out everything at once and have a plan for it. Plans develop alongside what you do, and there more you know about something, the better the plan will be. So dedicate yourself to something, a field, and start learning what the rules are, how it’s done, the dynamics. Familiarize yourself with it. The thing is that you just need to choose something and stick with it for a couple of years. Then you can decide if you want to continue with it or change to something else. But the key here is to not get ahead of yourself, Take Things day by day, find a job, do your best at that work, and move forward. By giving it your best, you are doing more than the majority around you, and in the end, that will pay off. But it takes work, dedication and time, and then the answers will come naturally without you having to figure it out yourself, but they will simply present themselves and the next natural step to proceed with.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Tganks for the advicw Greenduck. I know not to plan too much. After all, Shannon said to leave that to the unconscious mind. 

Anyway, today is day 6 of bloom. Forgot to update where I'm at in that regard.

[EvolvingPhoenix]

Last day of Bloom. 

Tomorrow I begin the cycle of carpetbombing.

That is all for now.