EHPRA Journal

[Why So Serious?]

I'm starting to feel that way too. Except with being feminine of course. I too feel like that is a dying in today's society.

[Chris P. Bacon]

One drawback of today's society is the way they are trying to push "equality" on everyone.

I believe that everyone has equal value, but I don't believe everyone is required to be at the same functionality as everyone else. The easiest example is genders. Male and female are equally important, but are not clones in terms of each others capabilities. I personally don't care what anyone says every single person has the same value, regardless of any perceived difference that anyone can think of or point out.

I for one am glad you both are getting in touch with what makes your gender unique and necessary.

[mat422]

I'm starting to feel that way too. Except with being feminine of course. I too feel like that is a dying in today's society.

I guess it means we are getting closer to the core of who we are. Almost rediscovering ourselves after society filled our heads with so much crap.

One drawback of today's society is the way they are trying to push "equality" on everyone.

I believe that everyone has equal value, but I don't believe everyone is required to be at the same functionality as everyone else. The easiest example is genders. Male and female are equally important, but are not clones in terms of each others capabilities. I personally don't care what anyone says every single person has the same value, regardless of any perceived difference that anyone can think of or point out.

I for one am glad you both are getting in touch with what makes your gender unique and necessary.

Definitely. This also echoes society's obsession with tying self worth to what you do instead of who you are as a person.

[mat422]

E2 is pulling up a lot of anger. It needs to be expressed or felt, not pushed away like I usually do. A lot of it is just left over from stuff in my past that I guess I never processed. I haven't been good with anger in general. I tricked myself into believing I could just let it go and be calm. But I just repressed it and felt guilt over having it. Two terrible things.

I'm learning more and more with E2 that my desire to handle emotions in a mature and rational manner is what holds me back the most. The stuck energy of them is pretty much an echo of my past self that needs validation. Getting too logical about this stuff is what prevents the actual emotional release. I want to be all stoic and crap instead of letting go and giving up control.

On the plus side I guess this is all really good fuel for my creative pursuits with music.

[mat422]

Made a bit of a discovery today. I started listening to E2 at a lower volume than what I usually do and realized I had a lot less resistance. So I raised the volume and felt the familiar feeling of fighting the sub. Maybe, but I'm not entirely sure about this, I was listening at a louder volume than I should have to make out the subliminals. Like unconsciously I wanted to monitor what was going into my head, which entirely defeats the purpose of subliminals bypassing the conscious mind. That fear of not being in control surfacing again I guess and sabotaging me. That and maybe I wrongly assumed louder=faster results. Anyway it seems like from here on out I'm better off with a more stealthy approach than trying to hammer away at the resistance through brute force.

If any of you guys feel like you're resisting the sub really badly, try dropping the volume a bit till that feeling goes away. Obviously make sure you can still hear it and it's not completely quiet. This might be why some users on here have better results with ultrasonics, they are further from conscious awareness than the masked subliminals.

[maxx55]

Made a bit of a discovery today. I started listening to E2 at a lower volume than what I usually do and realized I had a lot less resistance. So I raised the volume and felt the familiar feeling of fighting the sub. Maybe, but I'm not entirely sure about this, I was listening at a louder volume than I should have to make out the subliminals. Like unconsciously I wanted to monitor what was going into my head, which entirely defeats the purpose of subliminals bypassing the conscious mind. That fear of not being in control surfacing again I guess and sabotaging me. That and maybe I wrongly assumed louder=faster results. Anyway it seems like from here on out I'm better off with a more stealthy approach than trying to hammer away at the resistance through brute force.

If any of you guys feel like you're resisting the sub really badly, try dropping the volume a bit till that feeling goes away. Obviously make sure you can still hear it and it's not completely quiet. This might be why some users on here have better results with ultrasonics, they are further from conscious awareness than the masked subliminals.

I think the masked is the one that hits the subconscious deeper and the ultrasonic comes closer to consciousness. But yeah, the volume and track do make a difference.

If I use ultrasonic, it's easier for me to get headaches and feel negative thoughts come up, but I feel like more gets processed if I slip in a couple of ultrasonic loops between masked loops.

[mat422]

Lately I've been listening to some of my favorite musicians and I'm reading their bios. And I'm just thinking to myself, shit a lot of them were on this life path from birth almost. Like one artist was 8 years old when he started studying at Washington Conservatory of Music. 8 years old, that's crazy. I forgot who it was on this forum but they were talking about how DMSI made them feel like the current reality they were living in wasn't right. I'm getting this a lot on E2. I listen to my favorite music and I think to myself that should be me. But there's so much self doubt surrounding anything involving music. I know hard work isn't enough, it's all about the mindset when it comes to this stuff.

But let's be honest here. Fantasies and dreams don't manifest without putting in the work. Which I seem to be struggling with. And I'm still firmly entrenched in the mindset of financial hardship and struggle, I haven't broken out of that one yet. Especially when almost everyone I know in my life is dealing with it in some form, it's hard to see anything else or believe anything else is possible.

[mat422]

So yesterday I had work and I felt like all the customers I had were unusually friendly with me, along with my coworkers. Something just felt different, I wasn't my usual closed off guarded self. Something I noticed is I'm still uncomfortable when people like me. And I have this paranoia that other people just talk about me behind my back. But I'm seeing now that's just a result of my insecurities about myself. I still have a hard time believing people can genuinely like me as a person, probably because I'm always so caught up in my flaws.

Anyway I've backed off on the hours again with E2. Today my head feels clearer. That's the best way to describe it. Before it felt like I had an angry hornets nest up in my head and couldn't focus on anything. I've been back and forth with this a lot, but now I'm pretty convinced I need less hours of E2 not more. A few days ago I got a lot of exposure to the sub in hopes of mentally breaking myself or pushing past whatever sticking point I hit. But it made me realize there's a point of diminishing returns, after a while when my mind has had enough it just withdraws and freezes up. And that withdrawn state tends to effect every aspect of my life so I'm better off not pushing it with this sub.

Also noticed creative decisions with my music is a lot easier. I guess I really was overtaxing my brain and I didn't have the mental energy to do anything else. I underestimated how demanding E2 can be on the brain. Lesson learned.

[kalmah0804]

I noticed that creative decisions on E2 were a lot easier for my writing, too. As soon as I switched to ASC I actually felt like I had less faith in my decision making, not more. I think E2 does a good job of keeping you very in-tune with yourself once you've been listening to it for a while. It kind of makes me want to go back to E2 and finish my training with that. I've been listening at lower volumes for the past few hours since I read your post mentioning that trick and have actually been feeling a lot less tension/resistance.

I also have been feeling very crazed/frantic/fearful and very questioning about my worth in society as related to my masculinity. I feel like I can't really accomplish anything in my life because I'm just not what most people look for in a "man". Holding down jobs, accomplishing life goals, even pleasuring a woman, all feel like complete and total impossibilities because I know deep down inside that when people look at me they immediately notice that I'm not what a man should be, and whether they're aware of it or not, they're judging me as 'inadequate'.

[mat422]

I noticed that creative decisions on E2 were a lot easier for my writing, too. As soon as I switched to ASC I actually felt like I had less faith in my decision making, not more. I think E2 does a good job of keeping you very in-tune with yourself once you've been listening to it for a while. It kind of makes me want to go back to E2 and finish my training with that. I've been listening at lower volumes for the past few hours since I read your post mentioning that trick and have actually been feeling a lot less tension/resistance.

I also have been feeling very crazed/frantic/fearful and very questioning about my worth in society as related to my masculinity. I feel like I can't really accomplish anything in my life because I'm just not what most people look for in a "man". Holding down jobs, accomplishing life goals, even pleasuring a woman, all feel like complete and total impossibilities because I know deep down inside that when people look at me they immediately notice that I'm not what a man should be, and whether they're aware of it or not, they're judging me as 'inadequate'.

I'm probably sticking with E2 for the long run for this reason alone. My music is one of the most important things in my life and the more I'm able to get what's in my head out into the real world the happier I'll be. Glad the tip helped though.

I know how you feel. It's still early to tell, but since dropping my hours on E2 those kind of thoughts don't hold the power they once did. It's hard to describe but it's like when you start generating your own self worth independent of the outside world you gain this freedom. You don't feel like a slave with your self worth bound to your job, position in society, popularity, how many women you've had sex with, etc. We all know logically that we shouldn't tie our self worth to these things, but emotionally a lot of us do. That's why E2 is so important, it breaks you away from that on a level your conscious mind usually can't touch. I know you're running ASC, but if you wanted to give E2 another shot I'd definitely say decrease the exposure. If you think about it this new tech is 1 hour = 6.5 hours. Back when I was running 4G subs I'd get about 8 hours a night of exposure and sometimes I was completely drained. Theoretically you could listen once per day to E2 and still get massive benefits. A lot of it is just old habits and adjusting to this new tech. Less really is more.

[mat422]

Weird dream. I don't usually post about them unless I feel like they are linked to the sub. Anyway I found myself in some building and then it feels like I sink under. But not physically. Mentally, it's like I descend into the depth of my mind. Then darkness starts engulfing me, it feels like I'm suffocating and I'm going to die. I claw my way to the top and break free and I wake up inside my body again but I've destroyed everything in sight. People are looking at me like I'm insane. It's like I lost control and all my anger and rage was unleashed.

I don't know what that dream represents, but today I've realized I need to let go. Let myself feel whatever I feel. Needing to scream, cry, get angry, all the aspects I keep under control in the attempt to preserve a more socially acceptable representation of myself. There's an image I've constructed of myself over the years that in no way represents what's going on underneath the exterior.

[mat422]

More lessons in emotions. It seems like the longer I run E2 the more I understand the energy of emotions vs actions that might come about from them. My last post I said I needed to scream, cry, just let go and tap into my more emotional side. But I realize now it's not necessary. It was only necessary because I believed that catharsis in the form of those outward manifestations were necessary. There's a certain level of emotional maturity that's growing within me where I'm free to allow the emotional charge of things without succumbing to the need to outwardly express or act out on it. I just accept it and allow it to pass. It's like I'm gaining the ability to target the dysfunctional or broken aspects of my mind and let them go without getting into the messy complicated emotional labyrinth that I used to throw myself into.

[Chris P. Bacon]

good post dude.

[mat422]

good post dude.

Thanks. Sometimes it's not so easy articulating what's in my head so I'm glad this one came out coherent haha.

---

So I think I've mentioned this before but right now I'm learning how to code. I started off really strong, but as the exercises got harder I got worried. I can do them when I actually sit down to do them, but it's the moments before actually doing them that get to me. I'm learning, but at the same time I feel like when I get to the end and have to do a huge project I'm just going to fail. And then I'm worried that I'll never be good enough to get a job. The irony of all this is this anxiety of what could potentially happen in the future is what's causing me to procrastinate and consequently cause the exact outcome I fear.

If I could just stop giving a shit about how much better other people are than me at this stuff maybe I could advance more. But my perfectionism is biting me in the ass once again. I'm just too hard on myself, always have been. Sometimes I feel like until E2 clears this perfectionism problem I'm still going to be stuck in an endless cycle of avoiding doing stuff and then feeling bad about avoiding it. To be clear I do get stuff done, I don't just lock myself in my room all day. But I haven't been in any kind of flow state and I just want consistency. Not this yoyoing effect where I do something, pull back and avoid, do something again, pull back and avoid, etc. you get the picture.

Just thinking out loud here. I know full well I have to bring about these changes, but right now I do feel a little stuck. And I feel like the nature of these subliminals is you can't really know what's going on in your mind to the full depths. So maybe the amplification of this self-defeating behavior is a sign it's being worked on at the moment. Which would also explain my obsession with constantly writing about what this subliminal is doing. My perfectionism knows no bounds, it infects almost every area of my life. Some of my posts on here are just mountains and mountains of nonsense with no substance other than showcasing my obsessive tendencies. But hey I guess that's worth something in case anyone else runs this sub and feels a bit insane at times.

Gonna be starting an offline journal for myself. I've realized a lot of these posts are for me and expressing what's going through my head, but they clutter up my threads WAYYY too much and make it hard for others to see the benefits of E2. So from now on I'm only posting stuff that marks major changes or shifts and keeping all the more verbose stuff to myself. I don't know about other E2 users but it reaches a certain point where you kind of just want to see the results everyone is getting. Not out of impatience or lack of interest or anything like that, but just to see people move on and leave all this negative stuff behind.