Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Maybe you should try 3.3.

I’ll likely buy the USLM 4 upgrade now a little after it comes out.

A few days later and my mind is much clearer and I feel awake , both emotionally and intellectually. I sat down this morning and read with a clear head for the first time in a while and it was really refreshing.

The work situation is also on the mend now that I can think clearly. There are some practices that I’ll focus on for the next month now in order to ground the mental habits which I’d developed previously while using SE. One of the major issues I found hard to deal with when off SE, whether it’s was on MLS or USLM was how to orient my intention and activity. On MLS it was easier because there was learning, on USLM however there was just achievement of goals which had lost any grounding, so I just felt rudderless and stagnant even though a lot of small things I wanted were coming my way.

[Darwinn]

Could be SE , could be a bloom effect from USLM; all night I had nightmares of Zombies (one in which I had to batter a zombie james corden and was finding a way to rescue my gf who had been turned into a zombie ) and of humiliations from social situations - I’m experiencing a fear sensation now in my body , in my chest area but along side that is a deep sense of peace and acceptance. Somewhere in my heart and deep mind is the message that it’s all a choice, that fear is not necessary, and it’s time to choose
something that works better.

[Darwinn]

fear is compulsion, choice itself is what arises when it steps aside. choice is a muscle, and there are other compulsions which will replace fear if you don't exercise choice.

[Darwinn]

SE was just the booster shot I needed. Almost as soon as I started playing it I devoured a bunch of books on SE and re-established some orienting principles. I woke up day before yesterday with a strong message of 'now refresh MLS'; and fark this thing is a master piece, my brain whilst on it and off it is like night and day - I came into work yesterday and fixed a problem someone in my team had been struggling with for a while (this is after going blank in meetings with them for the last month) and they were shocked - my focus has returned as well as my enjoyment of life.

I feel zero fear related to work - again I don't know if this is FRM blooming like crazy or just the vacume left by FRM being filled by MLS/SE or what. I have a report to present to my CEO in two months - it's crazy behind and really could be a killer for me, but all I care about is what I'm learning and contributing and the enjoyment of another challenge to over come - looking forward to how I will grow.

My weight is coming down again after having gone up by around 10lbs through just numb carb devouring and looking in the mirror I don't look tired and lost anymore.

Oh yeah and I just bought a house, which is in a perfect location for me.

[THolt]

SE was just the booster shot I needed. Almost as soon as I started playing it I devoured a bunch of books on SE and re-established some orienting principles. I woke up day before yesterday with a strong message of 'now refresh MLS'; and fark this thing is a master piece, my brain whilst on it and off it is like night and day - I came into work yesterday and fixed a problem someone in my team had been struggling with for a while (this is after going blank in meetings with them for the last month) and they were shocked - my focus has returned as well as my enjoyment of life.

I feel zero fear related to work - again I don't know if this is FRM blooming like crazy or just the vacume left by FRM being filled by MLS/SE or what. I have a report to present to my CEO in two months - it's crazy behind and really could be a killer for me, but all I care about is what I'm learning and contributing and the enjoyment of another challenge to over come - looking forward to how I will grow.

My weight is coming down again after having gone up by around 10lbs through just numb carb devouring and looking in the mirror I don't look tired and lost anymore.

Oh yeah and I just bought a house, which is in a perfect location for me.

Happy to hear about the results but you could have used USLM3 to get even better results since it has SE in the script. You could have focused your goal on improving SE and it would have helped a lot I think.

[Darwinn]

I get it - and I tried, I just couldn't get that to work - I was getting great material gain but personally I was just fading as a person and anything that required sustained effort from me just wouldn't happen through my work. I will try again with USLM4 though.

[THolt]

I get it - and I tried, I just couldn't get that to work - I was getting great material gain but personally I was just fading as a person and anything that required sustained effort from me just wouldn't happen through my work. I will try again with USLM4 though.

I would definitely consider USLM4. It sounds like it will be a major step up in terms of effectiveness.

[Darwinn]

Well I would quite potentially go back to USLM3 after even if there was no USLM4 - I already know it worked for me materially and had an intuition that I needed to give it a rest.

I have to say I take issue with your assertion that I would have got better results if I'd stuck with USLM 3. With respect you don't know that. It's your guess presented as fact.

Add to which I've had pretty incredible results on USLM already and have been on it from the beginning giving a solid run to all three iterations, I'm not suffering from the USLM/new subliminal FOMO.

[Zane]

I get it - and I tried, I just couldn't get that to work - I was getting great material gain but personally I was just fading as a person and anything that required sustained effort from me just wouldn't happen through my work. I will try again with USLM4 though.

Fading as a person? You mean didn't feel like yourself?

[Darwinn]

Right now I don't feel like myself - and that's in a good way. Fears have largely evaporated leaving a place of stillness, but also disorientation. Whilst on USLM itself - I felt like I was just stuck. My brain wasn't working, my work was suffering, I couldn't complete tasks all I had was cool things coming into my life but I couldn't function.

It feels like ego management in MLS is assisting with allowing the bloom to continue. I didn't know who I was and why I should have anything, I didn't know what I wanted and what was the point in anything and I just felt like there was a huge block in my head. I still don't know who I am or why I should do/have anything - but the block is gone now and I'm clearer and at least able to competently 'play' the role I'm in. My thoughts upon waking are of my eventual annihilation at the end of my life and how everything passes and that within that this 'me' - whatever 'I' am just exists in a causal chain and if something is to be done by me, i don't know what it is. Nothing seems to have any intrinsic substance in light of its transience, but then maybe it's the opposite and everything has. In any case - I may just have to play along like it all means something.

I still have no answer about who is even doing these subs and why anymore.

[Darwinn]

I've been on MLS for a little while, cognition improving and clarity of mind returning so I'm more competent at work and brain is not feeling foggy. I had a bit of a challenge just over two weeks ago which I was worried about and decided I needed a boost of luck and success and flow. I jumped onto USLM3 for two days and surprise surprise, things went amazingly smoothly.

Just after that, I returned to MLS which continues to help me repair my mind and get back into consistent healthy habits. I'm running again, eating healthier and losing weight. I've also begun reading books on business which have helped me to redefine my financial and business goals - there were so many things missing from my goals that it's no wonder I was lost when trying to execute business goals with USLM - by the time I've gone to USLM4/LTU/UMS i'll have a solid long term plan to begin working toward.

[Darwinn]

I love this sub so much - on USLM3 I was losing my personality and my brain wasn't functioning - my attitude has completely shifted MLS and i remember what it's like to just enjoy the process of attempting new things, embedding processes in my mind and developing my competence at life in an ever ascendant spiral.

I wouldn't give back my time on USLM3 - it still helped me acheive some massive goals (speaking of which, the income stream i set up for my relative looks set to hit $20k - and i have actually bought the perfect home in no time at all), however i need my mind to work and competence to expand in order to feel any satisfaction.

Yesterday i got told i had a technical meeting with some guys who have ridiculed me in the past - i get flustered with having to communicate complex issues in finance but MLS helped to reframe it as another learning experience - last night i calmly developed a strategy for dealing with questions and nailing the meeting and this morning i killed it - resulting in a solid win for my company and a lot more respect.

[Darkness]

Were you experiencing brain fog on USLM3? How frequent? And how bad?

[Zane]

Strange and kinda scary how much length is subconscious willing to go in order to avoid changing itself... Brain fog and other cognitive issues