Darwin’s Journal

[Zane]

Whats your job?

007

[Darwinn]

Whats your job?

007

Lol

[Darwinn]

So I’m struggling a bit - I’ve had a few days where my sleep phone still just come off , I’m crazy tired , and I’m very sensitive to hierarchy (you’re higher up/better than me, so I’ll act in a way which will limit the risk of you hurting me)

I thought I’d gotten over this with SE but it’s back with a vengeance .

[Darwinn]

Added to this the lack of sleep is making me mentally slow - I’m just not performing when I meet with people , when I’m in negotiations, or having to have emotive conversations - I can’t regulate my fear.

Now I’m being invited to talk to some guys about a higher paying more complex job, and I’m just nervous my brain has gone walk about.

[Darwinn]

Much of me is crying out to jump back on MLS - I really want to get back on my mental game - this foggyness is frustrating! However I committed to stick with this FRM journey so im just going to have to grit my teeth

[Darwinn]

Things are much better today. I've been over listening, putting on my sleep phones and leaving it running until morning because the flac player I downloaded didn't have a timer or ability to have a play list with 5 repeats of the same track. Then like the genius I am, I realised that the countdown timer function on my phone has a 'stop playing' option which stops anything from playing when it times out - I set it to 5 hours and DONE.

I've finally finished putting together my CV after ages of procrastinating - mental slowness is currently an issue though and my self esteem is far from rock solid on USLM 3 - both of these are vital for me and I mean that...

SE and MLS are the absolute foundations of the life I want to build. SE enabled me to work, take care of myself and become a sustainable, loving and strong human being. MLS gave me the mental power to move forward in my life and actually start adding crazy value to those around me.

USLM has literally dragged me into a new world of possibility which is something like 'rain making'. I've not made a shit load of money but I've initiated things and learnt about my capacity for selling something on a market. Now I just need to find my own product.

If I do get the job I want I want to have the learning power and confidence to absolutely smash it, USLM is great - but the foundational / Core OS I need to make it are SE and MLS.

[Tholt]

Things are much better today. I've been over listening, putting on my sleep phones and leaving it running until morning because the flac player I downloaded didn't have a timer or ability to have a play list with 5 repeats of the same track. Then like the genius I am, I realised that the countdown timer function on my phone has a 'stop playing' option which stops anything from playing when it times out - I set it to 5 hours and DONE.

I've finally finished putting together my CV after ages of procrastinating - mental slowness is currently an issue though and my self esteem is far from rock solid on USLM 3 - both of these are vital for me and I mean that...

SE and MLS are the absolute foundations of the life I want to build. SE enabled me to work, take care of myself and become a sustainable, loving and strong human being. MLS gave me the mental power to move forward in my life and actually start adding crazy value to those around me.

USLM has literally dragged me into a new world of possibility which is something like 'rain making'. I've not made a shit load of money but I've initiated things and learnt about my capacity for selling something on a market. Now I just need to find my own product.

If I do get the job I want I want to have the learning power and confidence to absolutely smash it, USLM is great - but the foundational / Core OS I need to make it are SE and MLS.

When do you plan on switching back to SE? I am strongly considering doing this too

[Darwinn]

I’m going to keep to USLM at least until the end of the year. My goal now is cement in MLS and SE programmkng which should already be in there somewhere!

[Shannon]

I find it amusing that SE is in there, but you guys are looking to or considering to go back to SE as a stand alone sub. That strikes me as "Clever Resistance Tactic #43: Convince the conscious mind that it needs something else, so it will stop running whatever it is we are afraid might actually work."

I strongly suggest that you focus on letting the FRM finish its work instead.

[Darwinn]

Okie Shannon - this is your domain so i'll follow your suggestion - just to clarify though in case it didn't come across - my goal was for USLM to cement in a powerful SE not to just abandon USLM (at least not immediately) the experience I had on SE was very different to this, and I'm not experiencing the same thing I did when I was running SE which was close as I've ever been to freedom - I can't tell you how damn incredible it was at times.

Nevertheless - you made these subs and its your expertise so thanks for the suggestion, and I'll stick to USLM and stay on the FRM train.

[Shannon]

Okie Shannon - this is your domain so i'll follow your suggestion - just to clarify though in case it didn't come across - my goal was for USLM to cement in a powerful SE not to just abandon USLM (at least not immediately) the experience I had on SE was very different to this, and I'm not experiencing the same thing I did when I was running SE which was close as I've ever been to freedom - I can't tell you how damn incredible it was at times.

Nevertheless - you made these subs and its your expertise so thanks for the suggestion, and I'll stick to USLM and stay on the FRM train.

SE the sub has no FRM in it. USLM has SE's key script, word for word, and FRM. Of course it also has a different primary focus, but that primary focus can be steered easily to any desire you have, including improving your self esteem. In fact, steered thusly, it would become a SE sub so powerful by comparison that it would make SE the sub laughable in comparison. Of course that would require that SE was your only goal focus to achieve "blows SE the sub out of the water results".

The point is, SE is not as good an option because without FRM, your self esteem won't be as solidly grounded. So leaving USLM3 to go do SE the sub would make no sense. That is what I got primarily from THolt as his idea for how to go forward. But I also wanted to make sure you understood that as well, in case that's what you were thinking. I thought I understood that you were looking for SE from USLM, but it never pays to be careful in making sure these things are clearly understood.

[Darwinn]

Okie Shannon - this is your domain so i'll follow your suggestion - just to clarify though in case it didn't come across - my goal was for USLM to cement in a powerful SE not to just abandon USLM (at least not immediately) the experience I had on SE was very different to this, and I'm not experiencing the same thing I did when I was running SE which was close as I've ever been to freedom - I can't tell you how damn incredible it was at times.

Nevertheless - you made these subs and its your expertise so thanks for the suggestion, and I'll stick to USLM and stay on the FRM train.

SE the sub has no FRM in it. USLM has SE's key script, word for word, and FRM. Of course it also has a different primary focus, but that primary focus can be steered easily to any desire you have, including improving your self esteem. In fact, steered thusly, it would become a SE sub so powerful by comparison that it would make SE the sub laughable in comparison. Of course that would require that SE was your only goal focus to achieve "blows SE the sub out of the water results".

The point is, SE is not as good an option because without FRM, your self esteem won't be as solidly grounded. So leaving USLM3 to go do SE the sub would make no sense. That is what I got primarily from THolt as his idea for how to go forward. But I also wanted to make sure you understood that as well, in case that's what you were thinking. I thought I understood that you were looking for SE from USLM, but it never pays to be careful in making sure these things are clearly understood.

And that level of care is one of the reasons I’ve stuck it out with these subs and this forum over five years sir.

[Darwinn]

So I'm in a lull of motivation and energy. I went through an extremely productive phase and now am trying to get back on track. I'm struggling with having any purpose again - and back in a zone of having a lot to do but not caring all that much. I want to, and when I wake up in the morning it's there to some degree but right now it's just not.

I don't know why I should care about anything right now. It will be dull and repetitive but on SE there was this motive power because I respect myself as a being, I appreciate life and because of that respect and that gratitude for life there arose a desire to play my part in the game of life to the best of my ability. On MLS the joy of expanding my awareness and competence in learning layered on top of this.

Right now I'm like success for success' sake doesn't make sense. I've been trying to focus on a goal of rooting self esteem and learning but perhaps that's too much of an abstract goal to execute.

I noticed other people experienced 'spooky' phenomena. I had an experience like that the other night and wonder if auric shielding might be a useful thing for this sub if it isn't already in there.

[Shannon]

I think you're just experiencing a bout of "I dun WANNA do this!" from your subconscious regarding dealing with one or more of your fears.